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Nephew at wedding

82 replies

pastaislife · 09/05/2023 07:19

Don’t have kids yet so not sure if I am the unreasonable one..

Getting married next month. Sister is staying in the on-site accom with nephew who will be almost 3.

She was asking about accom facilities, and said something along the lines of ‘well of course we’ll miss the first dance/cake cutting as we need to take nephew off to do bathtime and bedtime routine before 7pm bedtime’

I thought for a one off they could’ve stayed a bit longer?! Skipped bath maybe?! Was trying not to pull too much of a face but just seemed very OTT to me! Was thinking of asking if they could stay a bit longer for the main bits but not sure how well that will go down 😵‍💫

OP posts:
Totalwasteofpaper · 09/05/2023 07:21

I couldnt get worked up about this.
just let them do what they want.

ferntwist · 09/05/2023 07:22

YANBU. She could definitely let him stay up til 8-9pm or later at almost three. Some people are totally inflexible about their baby/toddler routines however and will not budge.

mdh2020 · 09/05/2023 07:23

Would you prefer it if they stay longer and your nephew gets tired and starts crying? Why do they have to be there to watch you dance?

Sheepsheepeverywhere · 09/05/2023 07:23

Main bits minus a 3 yo is probably a bonus tbh...

Sheepsheepeverywhere · 09/05/2023 07:24

Are they missing the entire evening bit then?

Hesma · 09/05/2023 07:24

The “main bits” are the ceremony and photos surely? I get what you mean, they are being a bit PFB but I’d let it slide tbh

MuffinToSeeHere · 09/05/2023 07:25

Her child is 2 of course he needs a good bedtime routine and 7pm is pretty reasonable after a long day at a wedding, especially as he is away from home. if you ask her to keep him up later just so she can see your first dance and you cut the cake then you can't moan when he's inevitably overtired and grumpy.

Some children cope fine being kept up late, others do not, I'm sure if your sister thought he was in the first category she would keep him up.

Lcb123 · 09/05/2023 07:26

Honestly my best wedding advice is don’t worry about what any one else does throughout the day. You won’t notice if they’re there or not

Lovingitallnow · 09/05/2023 07:26

I wouldn't ask, they have an idea in their heads of how the day is going to go- let them have it. In reality on the day he could be in flying form and they'll be having a great time and decide sure leave him up for another while. Or he could be in rubbish form and they'll slip away to avoid a tantrum or him losing it. It's too soon to know what they'll do and you run the risk of getting in a row. Leave her to it.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/05/2023 07:26

Well, they are being a bit bonkers but some first time parents are quite rigid in their approach.

At the bare minimum if they want to keep ds to the set timings she should stay and her ds dad should go do bath and bed. It's her sisters wedding!

What's happening after ds goes to sleep? Is that your sister done for the night?

ZekeZeke · 09/05/2023 07:27

You will be so busy you won't notice.
Nothing worse than an overtired cranky child.

Totalwasteofpaper · 09/05/2023 07:28

To be clear... i think its weird/uptight of them.
But there are clearly fixed ideas and you are wasting your time asking them to put him to bed later.
Also i cant remember who was watching my first dance or the cake cutting and who had popped out for air/to go to the bathroom and i got married 3 years ago...

ModeWeasel · 09/05/2023 07:29

Depending on the kid he may need to be in bed by then or go crazed at the wedding. However not sure why your sister can’t stay up while her partner does bedtime etc.

Dogsitterwoes · 09/05/2023 07:30

I don't think you can say anything.

But if her husband is incapable of putting his child to bed alone, so that his wife can stay at her sister's wedding, he is a shit husband and shit father. Maybe feel sorry for her rather than annoyed with her.

Dinofantastic · 09/05/2023 07:33

An overtired toddler can be miserable (speak from experience). This is only an issue if you make it one.

LimeCheesecake · 09/05/2023 07:35

Depends - are they planning on settling down DN then having a babysitter sit in the room while they rejoin the party? If so, they might think sticking to routine means they miss 20 mins of the evening rather than an hour + settling an overtired child. Could you flex your timings back 20 minutes? If not, is it more important they are there for first dance or there for the majority of the evening?

Makingamess4212 · 09/05/2023 07:35

Some people are just like this, my niece (2 and a half) has never been to a family event yet! Her mom wants her in such a tight routine it leaves no wiggle room at all. She doesn't even bother coming to the event, missed so many weddings.

I would maybe ask, say its important they are there for your dance etc, but prepare for them to say no.
I personally don't think a late night once in a while is a bad thing, providing the child is still content and happy.

Thisismeyeah · 09/05/2023 07:36

Its OTT from both sides she should be more flexible. Of all the weddings I've been to, I've never known anyone do this. It's your sister; she should want to be a part of it. However, saying that you shouldnt expect her to be, yanbu to be disappointed she'll miss it but at the time there'll be that much going on I doubt you'll even notice if she is there or not.

LegoCatLikesTuna · 09/05/2023 07:37

As a PP said, how is the father incapable of putting his own child to bed on his own!

RampantIvy · 09/05/2023 07:38

I think you are both being a little unreasonable and inflexible. She should play it by ear, and does it really matter who watched you cut the cake and dance with your husband?

gogohmm · 09/05/2023 07:38

She's being very precious, mine never went to bed that early and on special occasions I would let them fall asleep in the double buggy or on top of a blanket under the table. I don't get people using their kids to get out of occasions. No child has to have a nightly bath nor that strict routine

TinySaltLick · 09/05/2023 07:38

Quite normal for someone to went to put their child to bed at their bed time, perhaps they could try and push it an hour later but you might have a toddler meltdown during your first dance instead

bunnieboo91 · 09/05/2023 07:40

Lcb123 · 09/05/2023 07:26

Honestly my best wedding advice is don’t worry about what any one else does throughout the day. You won’t notice if they’re there or not

This is so true! Let her do her thing with her child and you enjoy the moment.

SallyWD · 09/05/2023 07:41

It depends on the child. Some toddlers can happily stay up late now and then. Both of mine would have had the most horrific meltdowns at that age and been a nightmare the next day. I know it used to frustrate my friends how religiously I stuck to my toddlers naps and bedtime routines but really I had no choice!
I'd trust the mum on this occasion.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/05/2023 07:41

Some parents are slaves to their routines. I never understood it personally and we'd have just kept dd up, but there is no point in asking them to be more will just create resentment. It doesn't really matter if they see you cutting the cake or having your first dance. Just let them get on with what they want to do and focus on enjoying your day.

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