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Original poster

Nephew at wedding

82 replies

pastaislife · 09/05/2023 07:19

Don’t have kids yet so not sure if I am the unreasonable one..

Getting married next month. Sister is staying in the on-site accom with nephew who will be almost 3.

She was asking about accom facilities, and said something along the lines of ‘well of course we’ll miss the first dance/cake cutting as we need to take nephew off to do bathtime and bedtime routine before 7pm bedtime’

I thought for a one off they could’ve stayed a bit longer?! Skipped bath maybe?! Was trying not to pull too much of a face but just seemed very OTT to me! Was thinking of asking if they could stay a bit longer for the main bits but not sure how well that will go down 😵‍💫

OP posts:

BabyRonnie · 09/05/2023 07:42

Lovingitallnow · 09/05/2023 07:26

I wouldn't ask, they have an idea in their heads of how the day is going to go- let them have it. In reality on the day he could be in flying form and they'll be having a great time and decide sure leave him up for another while. Or he could be in rubbish form and they'll slip away to avoid a tantrum or him losing it. It's too soon to know what they'll do and you run the risk of getting in a row. Leave her to it.

Definitely this. It's not something that can really be decided in advance and will likely depend on how your nephew is on the day. As PP said, if he's overtired and ratty then it's best for everyone if he goes to bed.

Doingmybest12 · 09/05/2023 07:46

I expect they might feel a bit worried about the whole wedding with the little one I tow , I would not worry about them wanting to have a breather early evening to get the child to bed in a strange place. I am surprised you are so bothered about who will see the first dance/cutting of the cake after a long day of everything else being about you.

ZenNudist · 09/05/2023 07:46

Overtired child running around at your first dance and having tantrums would be a problem.

rwalker · 09/05/2023 07:47

I’d just roll my eyes and inwardly think she being ridiculous
it’s up to her but a busy day and staying in a strange hotel his routine will be disrupted anyway
leave her too the only time it would piss me off is if she complains she missed it

Doingmybest12 · 09/05/2023 07:47

Hope your fist dance is more than just a sway together if it is such a main part of the wedding.

Meeting · 09/05/2023 07:48

So your cake and your first dance are the main parts of your wedding? YABU.

JeanieJo · 09/05/2023 07:52

You're not unreasonable to be a bit put out... but you would be unreasonable to say anything. They will be there for your wedding, that's the main thing. As mentioned above, some children are fine with some flex in their routine and others cannot handle it at all.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 09/05/2023 07:52

Are they returning after he's put to bed? Sorry but your dance and cake cutting are really only an event for you, it's hardly a memory that will live forever in your sister's mind

katemulberrybush · 09/05/2023 07:53

She's being terribly inflexible but many parents are.

We keep a strict bed time routine but
On high days and holidays, the child can stay up later and miss the bath.

Aged 3, we would just about get away with them
Sleeping in a pram in the corner of the room but recognise we're lucky with a child who will sleep through any noise

saraclara · 09/05/2023 07:53

People seem to be missing that this is the bride's sister. It seems bizarre for the bride's sister to leave so early. Especially to do a normal toddler bedtime routine that the father should be perfectly able to do.
Is she a bridesmaid?

Original poster

pastaislife · 09/05/2023 07:56

bunnieboo91 · 09/05/2023 07:40

This is so true! Let her do her thing with her child and you enjoy the moment.

Show quote history

Thanks all for your thoughts on this! Going to go with this advice and just let it be, as some of you said, the dancing isn’t the important part anyway! Thanks 😊

OP posts:

Doingmybest12 · 09/05/2023 07:56

An evening do is an extra. Just let people do what they are comfortable with. Cut the cake at the reception as tradition would have it.

BogRollBOGOF · 09/05/2023 08:03

Some toddlers are best left in their routines as much as possible.
(I had the more flexible variety)

My BM was pregnant and she ended up going to bed after the wedding breakfast and zonking out for the night. I'd never have noticed if she hadn't said afterwards; I was too busy having fun mixing around the other guests. She'd fufilled her role earlier in the day and we'd already spent a lot of time together.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

QueSyrahSyrah · 09/05/2023 08:04

The main bits are the day, the ceremony and the meal. The first dance and cake-cutting are just filler.

We got married last year and honestly I couldn't tell you who was in the room and who wasn't by that stage, nor did I especially care.

Don't burden your sister with a tired cranky toddler for the evening and possibly the next day when it's very easily avoidable.

WonderingWanda · 09/05/2023 08:05

Just ignore her, what a load of attention seeking nonsense. Firstly, at a family wedding most people would let routine slide a bit. Secondly, why would both of them need to go? At my brothers wedding dh took the kids back to our room at about 9pm. And finally what on earth does she want you to do about it? Postpone your wedding until her ds can stay up late? Provide a babysitter? Just enjoy your wedding day and don't give it another thought. I am sure that she will have too much fizz and forgot all her uptight parenting on the actual day anyway.

Sissynova · 09/05/2023 08:09

Was thinking of asking if they could stay a bit longer for the main bits but not sure how well that will go down

Don’t ask them to stay longer. They are doing what they need to do for their child. Not all kids are flexible and can stay up later. No doubt you would also be pissed off if the kid was being a brat because he was tired.

2bazookas · 09/05/2023 08:09

He's two +. Children have daily routines that make them feel secure and comfortable. 7 oclock is probably past his usual bedtime.

A wedding means nothing to him. To him it's just a long confusing day in a new place among lots of strangers with little opportunity for his usual activities. By 7 he'll be bored, grumpy, tired out and ready for some soothing normality; mummy's undivided attention, bath, story, bed.

Putting him to bed is the best thing for him AND all the adults still partying.

CuriouslyDifferent · 09/05/2023 08:15

I reckon by half way through the day you’ll be wishing they cart the kid off at 3pm never mind 7…

LaviniasBigBloomers · 09/05/2023 08:15

I'd be irked that the dad isn't stepping up to do it so your sister can relax and get pissed at her sister's wedding. But I wouldn't say anything - as pp's have said, you won't really notice by that time.

Actually, I say I wouldn't say anything - I probably would say 'eh why isn't bil putting him to bed so we can dance?' Maybe just once...

Clementinesucks · 09/05/2023 08:24

I’d think the Dad a bit pathetic that he can’t handle it and the sister overly precious but honestly I just couldn’t get worked up about it. You’ll be having a great time regardless. Your sister can knock herself out being a martyr for no cause.

Okthenhun · 09/05/2023 08:29

Ffs people can’t win can they

Pottedpalm · 09/05/2023 08:32

I missed the cake cutting at DS’s wedding as I was out of the main room. He didn’t notice. I have seen a little video and photos and that’s fine. No drama.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 09/05/2023 08:34

I'm not clear on if they're missing the whole party. If so then I'd be annoyed as that's the fun bit, but as OP has specifically mentioned the first dance it's making me wonder if they're just putting him down and coming back (maybe they've got someone to stay with him when he's down?) or if they're also going to bed at 7

itsabigtree · 09/05/2023 08:35

Yep I'd be a bit 🙄

7 is an early bed time if anything and he's three not tiny! It's ok to break routine and big events. But maybe she's just excited to get bed time out of the way and enjoy child free time.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 09/05/2023 08:37

Don't say anything. Just focus on your day. See how the day pans out, if they're all having a lovely time and toddler is on good form they might end up staying later. If toddler is shattered and unsettled trust me it's in everyone's interest that they go settle him in the room! I wouldn't give it another seconds thought.

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