Getting married abroad and feel bad asking people

[Emmy1990]

I am due to get married in the caribbean next November and have sent the save the dates out, but I am now worrying as i just feel terrible asking people to even consider spending money to fly out for our wedding given the current cost of living crisis.
I dont know whether to even send formal invites out and just leave it to close family? Or should we move the wedding to a later date or even scrap it being in the caribbean and move it closer to home.
Just dont know what to do. Can anyone think of how to word a message to those that i have sent save the dates to basically saying i would love you to join us but dont want anyone to feel pressured given the cost of living at the moment but do they think they would be able to attend?

Help :(

I had a friend who had a destination wedding (albeit her husband's home town) and was amazed how many people turned up. No one minded as she was very clear that she wouldn't be offended if they didn't go and certainly didn't expect any presents.

If you're happy with a smaller party & it's your dream to get married there, keep it there! You only get to do it once (hopefully) so cater to yourself rather than those who are invitees (as long as you're happy to have a small one). I'd include a small note at the bottom saying "no pressure etc., if you haven't replied by X we will take it as a no" in case people are embarrassed about saying no.

I'm thinking about eloping/ having a super tiny sub-10 people do abroad myself, because I've seen too many of my friends:
a) getting into ridiculous debt for one day
b) doing weddings to cater for other people and not themselves

At the end of the day, it's about you & your husband. It's your special day & no one else's, so who cares what other people think!

It's your wedding so you have to decide. Do i want the destination wedding? Why? Are there people you know who you would like to have at your wedding who can't come because of the distance/expense/timing?

Why do you want the destination wedding? do you have some connection to the place?

There are all sorts of reasons for wanting a destination wedding. But you simply have to accept - without a murmur - that you will disappoint people. A "makeover" do back home is - meh. I don't tend to go to those either(1), since i love the actual wedding bit.

(1) depends who it is

Exactly this! Well said @Magn

If you are worried about people not coming, which it sounds from your OP that you are, then I would move the wedding to the UK.

Honeymoon in the Caribbean sounds lovely (not for me as I'm fat and hate hot weather, but for most people 😊)

Why not have a civil ceremony here. And a non legal ceremony/ honeymoon in the Caribbean. I wouldn't want to spend £££ on somewhere I don't really want to go to.

see to me thats different theres a link to where they got married rather than saw it online and it looked nice

This. There is not a single person on this planet I’d go to an overseas wedding for (except myself, if I wanted to get married abroad). If the destination is the priority then get married in the Caribbean but don’t have any guests. If the people are the priority have it in the UK (assuming that’s where you are).

You can ask people but I would probably view it as a bit of an unreasonable ask but then I’m a bit salty about a hen do in Europe I’m going on so maybe I just a grinch.

Realistically I would probably go to a friend’s destination Europe in France or Spain et al and tie a holiday on if I could afford it… but the only situation I would go all the way to the Caribbean for is if it was my brother or equally close relation and that might only be because my dad would probably pay for us all 🤣

This will realistically cost your guests at least £2k each…

Destination wedding not destination Europe 🤣

We got married in America. We knew that not many people would come including 3/4 of our parents but we really wanted our wedding to be where it was. I emailed all the people we wanted to ask and just said we’re getting married abroad and would love it if you could come but totally understand if you can’t. We will be having a church blessing and party on our return to celebrate.

In the end we had about 14 people there which was lovely, and then a month after we got back we had a blessing and party. It worked absolutely fine for us.

We have just started planning our wedding and dp wanted a wedding abroad. All of his family declined due to the price (surprise surprise). So we are getting married here and having our honeymoon somewhere completely different! I wasn’t bothered to be honest, we could get married in a barn and I’d still be happy.

I would decline your invitation to the wedding abroad but would attend a simple celebration at home. Our costs have increased by 30% this year so couldn't afford a foreign wedding.

Why not have a registry & simple reception party here and a Caribbean honeymoon? If you want certain people to attend regardless then it doesn't matter where the venue is.

A family member got married in the Caribbean and it was wonderful. No one was pressurised to come but many did. I think over 40 of us!

If you are ok with people not attending then go for it! If it's the wedding you want and the place you want it then that is all that matters

I said to my SIL that if she got married abroad, we would not attend. I'm not using my savings and a week of annual leave on celebrating someone else's special day!
So yes, for monsters people like me, I would word it as "We're really not expecting anyone to join us, but if you'd like to then please let us know..."

I take it you and your partner aren’t particularly close to 3/4 of your parents?

Out of interest - what is your relationship like with your brother and SIL?

Best idea.
Make it fun and easy to attend.

You sound a wonderful, considerate bride! If you have your heart set on Caribbean maybe make it a more intimate wedding and have a wedding party back home.

A friend of mine is getting married in Europe in the summer. The flights alone, without accommodation, are £250! She hasn't acknowledged the expensive, she just assumes everyone has loads of spare cash and wants to spend £500 + on her special day and I find it quite selfish in a cost of living crisis. I also would rather spend that money on a lovely weekend away with friends I am closer to!

I think weddings abroad can be great if you really try and take all the financial pressure of your guests as much as possible and make it as clear as possible that you won't be offended if people can't go. I would be thrilled if said friend sent a message like you are doing! You sound a lovely, kind, empathetic person so I'm sure people will appreciate you've thought about this xxxx

What is more important destination or people?

Depending what you want we had ours abroad with just us and then had a reception with everyone when we got home. Wrapped up the honeymoon and wedding in one trip had an amazing time and then had a celebration on our return.

don’t regret it one minute

A lot of people couldn't afford a Caribbean holiday before the cost of living crisis. I think you need to word your invites well or speak to people. If you have links to it then people will be more understanding. Can your nearest and dearest who you want to be there do this financially and logistically? Think about annual leave pressures on working parents of young DC.

I would move it to back home.

Many won't be able to make it
Some more will, but will have an element of resenting it
You will 'owe' people....if your friends come, and then plan their own destination wedding in 5 years time, then even if you have two small kids by then they are not going to be impressed if you can't attend theirs.

If destination is more important than guest list then go by yourselves, find some random witnesses, and have a low key party back home at which you don't expect presents

Have the wedding at home.

@Razzle5 excellent, I think the world of her. She got married in the UK in the end and it was FABULOUS!