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Original poster

Getting married abroad and feel bad asking people

122 replies

Emmy1990 · 02/11/2022 15:52

I am due to get married in the caribbean next November and have sent the save the dates out, but I am now worrying as i just feel terrible asking people to even consider spending money to fly out for our wedding given the current cost of living crisis.
I dont know whether to even send formal invites out and just leave it to close family? Or should we move the wedding to a later date or even scrap it being in the caribbean and move it closer to home.
Just dont know what to do. Can anyone think of how to word a message to those that i have sent save the dates to basically saying i would love you to join us but dont want anyone to feel pressured given the cost of living at the moment but do they think they would be able to attend?

Help :(

OP posts:
Sova · 02/11/2022 15:54

can you have a more inclusive wedding near home and go to Caribbean for your honeymoon?

Dragonskin · 02/11/2022 15:55

Just don't be upset if people decline for whatever reason. Could you live stream the ceremony and have a party when you get back for anyone that can't be there in person?

AuntieMarys · 02/11/2022 15:56

I wouldnt attend a wedding abroad even if it was a family member.

froggie23 · 02/11/2022 15:57

It's your wedding and you can have it where you want to but be prepared that not everyone can or will want to spend that amount. I would probably only invite very close friends and family and I would make it clear to them that there's no pressure whatsoever to attend. Maybe plan a party for when you're home so they feel like they'll still have an opportunity to celebrate with you.

Rainallnight · 02/11/2022 15:58

It is a HUGE ask of people; esp in the current climate. I’d move it to home.

superram · 02/11/2022 16:02

If you want to get married there then do so, so long as you’d be happy with no guests. If you want a big shindig move it to home. I wouldn’t come. It’s also in term time which maybe an issue for some people.

doingitalllagain · 02/11/2022 16:02

Going to be honest with you, I was originally booked to get married in the Caribbean in May 2021. We'd mentioned it to the important people before we booked and everyone was on board but covid happened and finances got tight for a lot of people and a huge amount of people pulled out. We ended up offering to pay for the holidays of 5 essential family members because we didn't want to get married without them even though we couldn't afford it. It was compromise after compromise, my best friend couldn't come. It ended up being cancelled from covid lingering on and we were actually relieved. We got married this last summer with all of our family and friends and it worked out for the best.

It is a lot of pressure to put on people, especially somewhere like the Caribbean where realistically it's pointless going for less than a week so most people are paying for atleast one, usually two and are limited on accomodation as there aren't really 'budget options' as long as you are ok with it being a small wedding and won't be offended if people can't come you'll be fine. Make it obvious that you are aware it is a huge ask and that there is no obligation. We had 75 guests at our wedding in the UK, only 18 people from the same guest list were coming to the Caribbean.

doingitalllagain · 02/11/2022 16:03

We got married this last summer in the UK that should say.

Guavafish1 · 02/11/2022 16:07

Have the wedding where you like, but don’t except everyone to attend, people to decline and drop out last minute too.

It might be worth doing a little party at home before or after you come back for family/friends who could not attend.

good luck! Have the wedding you want and enjoy

Redup · 02/11/2022 16:08

I wouldn't go to a wedding overseas for anyone. Too many people will feel obliged to attend, it's not inclusive at all. I think it's rude actually as people will have to use holidays and spend lots of money on something they probably don't want to.

You seem to have forgotten there is a climate crisis too. Why do you think it's acceptable to fly for something that could take place locally?

Razzle5 · 02/11/2022 16:10

What a shame.
to have this cloud (and a very reasonable cloud given what you’re asking of guests!).

I did central London, small, friends jumped in taxis or got the tube, family we paid for an overnight.

everyone said the easiest best wedding they’d attended

and I had no cloud or guilt hanging over me.

i think your guests would breathe a huge sigh of relief if you pulled the plug on the Caribbean

Razzle5 · 02/11/2022 16:10

Redup · 02/11/2022 16:08

I wouldn't go to a wedding overseas for anyone. Too many people will feel obliged to attend, it's not inclusive at all. I think it's rude actually as people will have to use holidays and spend lots of money on something they probably don't want to.

You seem to have forgotten there is a climate crisis too. Why do you think it's acceptable to fly for something that could take place locally?

Bloody hell. - I would for my children!

NemoNotThatOne · 02/11/2022 16:14

If you want to get married in the Caribbean and just have your very closest family there, that could work.

I think otherwise you risk getting quite a random selection of guests based purely on who has spare cash and holiday - so it will be you and your groom and Geoff from accounts while your actual friends stay at home.

I'd probably bin the Caribbean wedding and go there for your honeymoon instead.

Twizbe · 02/11/2022 16:15

I've been to weddings all over the world. In every case it was either someone's home country or the couple currently lived there.

I love a good wedding anyway. Plus in every case we made it our holiday for that year. We'd not have picked those places were it not for the weddings, but loved all the places except 1 (but that wasn't a very touristy place)

You don't say why you've picked where you have so that will have an impact on whether people will travel with you there.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/11/2022 16:16

What do you want more, to get married abroad or have your friends and family able to be there? You must have realised what a massive ask it was when you booked it.

InTheNightWeWillWish · 02/11/2022 16:17

How much do you want to celebrate with those people?

If they are important to you and you can’t imagine getting married without them, move the wedding closer to home. Pick a venue that has a cheap chain hotel nearby or is close enough that most guests can get a taxi under £30 home, make the wedding casual and as easy for them as possible.

If it would be nice to have them there, continue with your plans but don’t be upset when they can’t afford it. Also give them as much time as possible to respond. We’re at wedding in a few weeks and saying yes to two nights in a hotel was completely different 18 months ago when they booked the wedding to what it is now.

Dinoteeth · 02/11/2022 16:24

Op do you have any family links to the Caribbean?

If you don't then I'd have a change of plan, small wedding here, and honeymoon for two.

OKild09 · 02/11/2022 16:24

My opinion on destination weddings are:

  1. You can have your wedding wherever you like, its your preference.
  2. You can invite whom ever you want to the said destination wedding.
  3. YOU CANNOT GET MAD OR UPSET IF SOMEONE DECLINES A DESTINATION WEDDING.
  4. Who will attend, will attend and who don't ,don't.
  5. END.
Dinoteeth · 02/11/2022 16:24

If its an outdoor wedding you want you could try your luck in Scotland but no guarantee of being able to get the weather.

antipodeancanary · 02/11/2022 16:28

I'm still of the ilk that thinks a wedding should be near the home town of one or other of you, or the place that means as many as possible of the guests travel as little as possible. I wouldn't travel to an overseas wedding unless one of the partners was from there. It feels really entitled to ask that of your guests unless you and most of them are from there.

Choconut · 02/11/2022 16:35

It depends what your priority is, is it having your wedding in the Caribbean or having everyone you want at the wedding. We eloped and I have no regrets, it just depends what your priorities are.

TippermostToppermostHigh · 02/11/2022 16:39

We’ve been invited to a close relatives O/S wedding that will cost us at least 5K and is in term time. We initially said we didn’t think we can go, so the B&G are no longer speaking to us.

Forgot to also mention that the reason we don’t want to go is because we spent 6K going to their first wedding.

I’m over them and unless it is one of my DC I will be outright declining all invites that are not on my home turf.

Suedomin · 02/11/2022 16:43

If you want to get married there do so but accept that it will be a very different type of wedding. Just something for the two of you, then perhaps have a party for everyone at home.

Comedycook · 02/11/2022 16:45

Have the wedding in the Caribbean but throw a party when you get home...that's what DH friends did when they got married abroad. We were invited abroad but they made it clear they understood if people couldn't attend. We went to their UK party instead.

FleecyMcFleeceFace · 02/11/2022 16:52

That is seriously tone-deaf in a climate crisis, as well.

Unless you grew up overseas or have immediate family who live there, have the wedding close to home. Travel for the honeymoon.