What to cut from wedding?

[WeddingOnAShoeString]

Hi,

I posted before about us wanting do get married on a budget and got some very helpful advice about village halls but I think we have decided it’s not for us.

We are currently looking at registry office and then bbq at a bar which is free to hire and costs are something like:
Ceremony £700
Possible drinks reception at RO: £400
Food: £800 (80 guests, £10/head)

I think my parents will probably cover some
of the bar bill but I’m happy to just put “cash bar” on the invitation especially if we do the small drinks reception.

So now I am looking at things we can omit/change and this is what I have so far:
-DB is a chef so going to ask him to make the cake
-future BIL is a graphic designer so going to ask him to do the stationery. he is also into photography so we are thinking of just hiring someone for the ceremony/portraits as future BIL will probably take lots of really good photos anyway because it’s what he likes to do.
-future FIL has an old classic car so we could ask him to use that to get there
-high street wedding dress, I have seen some lovely ones at coast/phase eight
-plant a rose bush in the garden and use them as button holes. A bouquet I can just buy from sainsburys the day before
-no band/DJ? Just use sound system at venue, DB did this and it was fine.

Does this sound okay or is it too miserly/depressing?

Any other suggestions for cost cutting?

I wouldn't bother planting a rose bush and expecting it to come up with the goods at the right time for the buttonholes. Just buy a couple of bunches of carnations from a supermarket the day before and use those. Less hassle, a choice of colours, and will probably cost less than a rose bush anyway.

Could you hire a dress for the day, not bother with an official photographer a d buy in season flowers from sainsburyfor buttonholes, roses may not be in season when you get married so a bush may not flower. The RO drinks reception I would keep to sparkling wine and fruit juice but do you need anything if you are moving onto a bar.. does the RO have nice surroundings where you could hold the reception.

The rose bush plan is unlikely to work. A supermarket bouquet of spray roses is also likely to be cheaper and much more reliable.

as for the rest, just be gracious if any family member or friend turns down your request for free labor. It’s perfectly ok to ask, just don’t pressure.

Do your own hair, nails make up etc.
no table favours.
No personalised place cards. Either a table plan or free for all.

Do your own hair, nails make up etc.
no table favours.
No personalised place cards. Either a table plan or free for all.

Wouldn’t bother with the rose bush, can’t see that working really. Just buy a bunch of roses and use those. Can DB bake? Most chefs aren’t amazing cake makers, bonus if he can though! Failing that I’d personally not bother with one, I’ve been to a couple of weddings with no cake and nobody even noticed. I wouldn’t bother with wedding favours either. Can you ask the bar if you can pay a corkage charge and bring your own booze for the toast? Might work out a little cheaper than buying theirs if they allow it, and it’s just a set amount your bringing so it doesn’t affect their cash bar. Not all places allow this though.

Yes thankfully DB spent some time as a pastry chef so he is good at baking. I’m hoping he won’t day no as he cashed in a lot of free labour for his own wedding 😂

Point taken about the rose bush but I’m glad no one thinks it’s too ridiculous to just buy supermarket flowers. Will definitely be doing own make up as I hate having it done. SIL/bridesmaid is pretty good at hair though so I suppose I could ask her to do something a bit different when we are getting ready anyway

Difficult to say without knowing your budget. I wouldn't ask bil to do stationary or photos - certainly not for free. Is a bit cheeky. Do email invites and for those who still operate on paper buy high streeyt, plain invitations. Reinvest drinks reception into food (what can you get for a tenner anyway?). No flowers and own sound system is fine.

It all sounds absolutely fine and lovely! My dad made wedding cakes for me and my sister, and our uncle took the photos and friends contributed. Sound system at venue is fine too. And I did my own stationery on PowerPoint :-)
I think having a photographer at the registry office is a nice idea though.

I am wholly unbothered about cars so if your classic car thing doesn’t work out I’d just go in a normal car!

Agree with the buttonholes thing someone else said - buy your own bouquet and another one to take apart for button holes. Have a back up rose bush if you like but it’s a lot of potential stress! You may want to ask someone to make up the button holes for you with florist wire and tape - it’s easy enough but it’ll take a little bit of time to get right.

Your wedding plan is actually making me reconsider mine! Sounds lovely - you’ve got all the ingredients for a great wedding. Spending more won’t make it better I don’t think.

Thank you some interesting responses:

The buttonhole/rose bush thing I take on board, I will just buy some supermarket roses. I’m glad people don’t think it’s ridiculous to just buy supermarket flowers though.

Yes DB can bake - he used to be a pastry chef - I’m hoping he won’t say no as he cashed in a lot of free labour for his own wedding.

The photographer is an interesting one, DP would be happy not to have one altogether as he doesn’t really like staged photographs but I’m worried we might love to regret it on years to come?

@Angelik the drinks reception idea is for while we are having formal photos done (if we do!). It’s actually £8.50/head I was just being lazy in my OP and is for a BBQ which gives each guest two from burger, sausage, kebab, chicken; bread/buns; pasta salad/salad/coleslaw. I am thinking we could do with some pudding though…

My hesitation with this is how your are saving money by expecting your family to provide you with complimentary goods and services. What if your SIL doesn’t want to do your hair, or BIL doesn’t want to do free or subsidised invitations for you, or your brother doesn’t want to make a cake (and a wedding cake for 80 guests would be pricy to ask as a favour)? Will that honestly be ok with you? I’d be very careful to ask in a way such that there would be no awkwardness if they refused.

Supermaket flowers would be fine, I agree that the rose bush idea isn’t the most reliable one. Sound system should be fine, maybe ask guests for requests on the invitations.

Could you do email invitations and RSVP online? I did online RSVPs for my wedding and it worked very well, easier to keep track of and that’s seemed fairly standard for weddings I’ve been to, and saves on stamps and printing.

Have your family offered these services? It's a bit cheeky to ask for it for free if they haven't already offered. Unless you're paying them of course

I'd agree. Some things like a cake and stationary, unless you are paying for the ingredients and paper etc, aren't cheap.

All great ideas and suggestions. I would just add, we had a friend take photos for some beer money. Really pleased with them. What we didn’t do was video the speeches so just make sure you have a friend record those moments - even if it’s just on a phone. That’s my biggest regret.

as long as there’s plenty of food people are usually ok! Don’t bother with favours or a table plan, just let people sit where they like. I had a gorgeous bouquet for my wedding which I made myself using flowers from Tesco the day before.

buy an m and s cake or get your family member to make a small fancy one for display and then ask him to make a sheet cake to actually cut up and feed everyone. Much cheaper and much quicker for him

Also setting yourself up on one of these photo sharing sites is good so people can upload photos they took of the day

Shop around for a local bakery and get a plain buttercream and you could decorate with sup market flowers and Etsy do some fab cheap invitations. Or download a template and print your own

If you are going to hire a professional photographer for the ceremony (which I highly recommend, you can't rely on friends/relatives to get good shots) then I wouldn't bother asking BIL to do any photography. He's already been asked a big thing with invites and photography on anyone's wedding is quite a big ask, with lots of pressure. You can set up free websites and when you send your invites out, include the link and ask all your guests to upload their photos to that. Tell your BIL he is welcome to use it as a chance to get some great shots, but don't put the expectation on him. He might want to just enjoy the day.

I would suggest not bother with gifts for each other on the day, no favours, home made signs (it's so easy), home made decorations (Pinterest is your friend). Own hair and makeup

My bouquet was a bunch of reduced to clear red roses from M&S I got the day before, I just wrapped ribbon round the stems to hold it with. If your DB can't do your cake then M&S do plain white iced cakes in different sizes to order and the little dowels to hold the tiers up, they are not very expensive, especially when compared to a specially ordered wedding cake!

I wouldn't bother with a photographer tbh. Most photos I've seen are so staged and guests hate waiting around for photos to be finished. I would just ask everybody to take lots of pictures throughout the day.

No table favours.

No drinks reception, tea,coffee,biscuits on arrival at venue, but no alcohol.

Gather some wild flowers and use as buttonholes.

I would probably splurge on a good DJ though.

Also to add that Facebook selling groups (there will likely be a wedding items one for your area) are great for sourcing cheap decorations, I got the 8 mirror plates I needed for £2.50, so definitely worth a look.

Your invitations will cost a lot more to print than design so that's a big ask, ditto wedding cake for 80, unless you make it clear this is in lieu of a gift?
Frankly I think cash bars are a no no. I'd cut my guest list down before I skimp on some of these things.

On the photographer, I think a good photographer makes a difference. Most photographers these days do more candid, natural style photography. I don’t think your guests can provide as good a photos as a guest will, because guests are there to enjoy themselves, and photographers are there just to photograph, look for moments, try to capture all the guests and small details. I have a family who is very good at photography and some of his photos of the wedding are lovely, but understandably focus on his family. With 80 guests, it would take a conscious effort to ensure that everyone is captured.

And regarding regret for missing formal photos, a friend of mine wanted only candid photos and no staged photographs on the day. He’s since said that with hindsight, he wishes he’d had some staged photos with family. I had a few traditional posed shots with immediate family, bridesmaids, groomsmen, and some pictures of just my husband and I taken later in the day, and the rest candid, which was a nice blend for us.