My wedding is ruined, finding going through the motions so painful.

[reallyverysad]

I am supposed to get married in a couple of weeks, a big wedding, all my family and friends coming, it was a dream. It's all paid for and only partially refundable. To cancel we'd be paying over £9k to not get married which seems insane.

I'm just so, so upset. My fiancée has lost his job, he's been performance managed out very quickly after a restructure and after being threatened with dismissal for poor performance he resigned. He did earn £80k a year in comparison to my £12k. I just don't know how we're going to cope. We don't have enough of a nest egg to tie us over for long. He's applied for jobs left right and centre, he has a couple of interviews lined up, perhaps all will be ok but at the moment we are in complete panic.

I have my final dressing fitting next week. We still need to sort out the final flowers with the florist. We need to return some suits and decide which one to keep. It all feels ruined, completely ruined.. what was excitement is now just terror at spending so much money on one day when we aren't sure how much longer we can pay our mortgage. It's not even as simple as cancelling as we are tied into contracts where we'd owe money anyway. If we postpone what do we do about our many, many family and friends who have booked accomodation. It's all tainted.

What’s with all the “You only earn £12k?” comments? 🤷🏻‍♀️They come across as derogatory.

Some people have chronic illnesses or limited physical ability, some people have other responsibilities such as caring for elderly relatives, some people have other commitments such as further adult education.

People on MN love to kick people when they're down. Especially if it's about money and even more if it's about a wedding.

Like you say, you can't cancel without losing a fortune so try to enjoy it as much as you can. It will only be ruined if you let it and THAT would be a colossal waste of money.

Remember that you are likely to get money in gifts. I got married a few days ago and we were blown away by how much cash we received. We honestly didn't expect anywhere near as much. It honestly covers almost half the cost of the venue.

Also, can you sell stuff afterwards? Is your dress a designer one? If so just sell it after the wedding. No point in hundreds or thousands of pounds sitting in a lovely box in your wardrobe.

I'm in the same boat - wedding is 4 weeks away and OH has been told they are restructuring and that he may be made redundant. It's looking very likely tbh.

Do you have wedding insurance? Check if you have any claim there for job loss.

We were doing a low key wedding anyway with lots of unnecessary extras done away with but still with 60 guests its coming in at 8k with the holiday fully paid for afterwards, it's a lot.
It's a massive worry. We genuinely had no reason to think that his job was in jeopardy, his project has brought in very high profits, his last performance review was excellent. But we will be ok. We faced worse in the past and got through it stronger than ever so I've no reason to think we won't again. I can't do anything about the money already spent or committed apart from kick myself, so there's no point in worrying.

How are you feeling about it all now @reallyverysad? I hope you've managed to find a way to look forward to it and enjoy the day.

Leased cars..............there such a financial burden and such a bad idea. You know the way we finance cars in this country is not allowed elsewhere. Now everyone want a brand new car every 3 years rather buying a car and running for 20 years.

Hopefully your DH will find something soon and you can relax.

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All excellent advice from @RJnomore1 , @reallyverysad.

Please don’t panic - sit down with your fiancé and see what practical measures you can make, to have a wedding day that makes you both happy, but doesn’t break the bank.