My wedding is ruined, finding going through the motions so painful.

[reallyverysad]

I am supposed to get married in a couple of weeks, a big wedding, all my family and friends coming, it was a dream. It's all paid for and only partially refundable. To cancel we'd be paying over £9k to not get married which seems insane.

I'm just so, so upset. My fiancée has lost his job, he's been performance managed out very quickly after a restructure and after being threatened with dismissal for poor performance he resigned. He did earn £80k a year in comparison to my £12k. I just don't know how we're going to cope. We don't have enough of a nest egg to tie us over for long. He's applied for jobs left right and centre, he has a couple of interviews lined up, perhaps all will be ok but at the moment we are in complete panic.

I have my final dressing fitting next week. We still need to sort out the final flowers with the florist. We need to return some suits and decide which one to keep. It all feels ruined, completely ruined.. what was excitement is now just terror at spending so much money on one day when we aren't sure how much longer we can pay our mortgage. It's not even as simple as cancelling as we are tied into contracts where we'd owe money anyway. If we postpone what do we do about our many, many family and friends who have booked accomodation. It's all tainted.

That was at @Sponge19 not op

You go full time! Your DP obviously isn’t working at the min so no need for nursery fees just yet, and then when he’s working again if he’s earning anywere near 80k again you can more than afford nursery fees because it comes out of both your wages not just yours, so your wage isn’t absorbed by nursery fees. And then if he looses he’s job again your safety net isn’t as small because you are already earning more. Sorry OP but it’s learning to plan ahead. In the meantime if you struggle for money selling the car is a good option to start with?

I completely understand how stressful this all is but please don't panic. You are committed to spending the money, so just think of the wedding as something to look forward too. With motivation your soon to be dh will find work, even if its just something to tide him over. See if you can postpone the honeymoon and cut back where you can re hen and stag parties, paid for drinks etc.

We're not on a great income, but have some money saved up, to cover 6 months. I would learn from this, and always have a little saved up, and don't touch it unless it's an emergency. If your wedding's already paid for then just press ahead. If you have stuff still to pay for, ring up and ask for cheaper options. I wish you the very best.

New house, new car, wedding, one partner on a low wage. It’s a recipe for disaster.

Theres no point cancelling now.

@Crazylazydayz no need for booze just have juice or water

Although it’s disappointing that things have taken an unfortunate turn, a wedding is not about the day, it’s about the person you are marrying.
This is likely to be one of the many challenges you will face ahead, together in your marriage.
So, pull up the big girl pants, scale back what you can and look forward to a celebration of your future together with the person you love.

Hope you’re ok OP I can understand how stressful it is, ignore the posters who just want to get off by putting you down

Reduce what you can of the wedding, though I wouldn’t cancel -it’s all paid for, mostly, it seems. You need to go to work full time while your Dh isn’t working. It would have been better if he hadn’t resigned, though. Sell the car - or is it leased?

How much more do you have to pay? You say 9k in sink costs but how much more is there? Is there anything not yet paid that you can cancel? Make up and hair for example.

can you go full time until dp gets a new job?

We got married on a budget after a 10 year engagement. We had a registry office which I'd always said no to, mil did my flowers using ones she'd grown on her allotment. We had street food and used an iPod and Spotify at the party. We didn't have champagne or anything like that. Taxis instead of wedding cars. Sil decorated the room. It was a lovely day and evening. Didn't add it up but I estimate 5k. I know it must be disappointing but honestly if you want to get married you don't need to spend a fortune.

When you say it is all paid for - do you mean it is really paid for, or how much is on credit cards to be paid off?

Anything that you haven't yet paid for, like flowers, cancel them now. Have a cash bar (and tell guests beforehand) so you are not paying for all the drinks. Ask the venue what options there are to reduce costs - if you tweak the menu or the timings (can you get away with just feeding people once?) will they refund you the balance.

Ask EVERYONE for cash for the wedding gift.

Cancel any honeymoon if you can and get a refund.

He'll get a new job. In the meantime, can you increase your hours at work and reduce nursery time? Can you apply for other full time roles as well?

Can family help out with childcare while you work and he interviews?

Can you sell or surrender the new car and use a cheaper one (or maybe you have 2 and only need 1 if he is not working).

Ok.

1 do you have the option to go full time. Your dh isn’t working and you doing that will immediately double your current household income.

2 claim family benefit immediately that’s another £120 every four weeks and if you can’t go full time as there’s no job there see where benefits you can claim short term

3 talk to your suppliers see what you can cancel or downgrade. Explain what’s happened.

4 check your other household costs, what can be cancelled or down graded immediately. Gym, phones, subscriptions. Can you sell the car and buy a cheap runaround for now.

5 don’t panic. I’m not a fan of big weddings but now isn’t the time to preach; rationalise where you can and enjoy the day for what it should be, your commitment to the man you love.

What is still left to pay that you can cut back on? For flowers, I'd get your bouquet and fiancés boutonnière but switch to supermarket flowers for everything else. For tables- old jars, bud vases, milk bottles etc can be used with just a few bright blooms in each, maybe a few bulk bought bunny tails. It's an easy way to stretch the flower budget without looking sparse like it would in a big vase.

You go full time! Your DP obviously isn’t working at the min so no need for nursery fees just yet, and then when he’s working again if he’s earning anywere near 80k again you can more than afford nursery fees because it comes out of both your wages not just yours, so your wage isn’t absorbed by nursery fees.

This. You don't need nursery if DH isn't working, and if he does get a job, there's no problem.

I can't just magically get more hours at work. It'll be applying for a new job, both of us at the same time with no certainty of when either will happen. It isn't a magic fix.

I’m sorry, you want to cancel your wedding, that’s fully paid for, because your partner has lost their job? Surely the reason you are getting married is because you love him, not that you love what he does for a living? I’m guessing this is shock talking because it makes absolutely no sense otherwise. Your wedding day is paid for so go ahead and put worries to one side and get married. I hope you have a lovely day

@reallyverysad no one is saying you can magic up jobs. Posters are trying to help by giving you options.

You had an vision of how your life and wedding were going to be and suddenly you have been blindsided by a change in circumstances. Yes, it’s upsetting. Yes, you have to change your plans. Yes, you are quite rightly worried about the expense. Yes, it’s hard to realise your comfortable life has been disrupted. Yes, you are going to have to tighten your belts and start looking for a new job that pays more.

However, you have someone who loves you. You have someone you can work with to rebuild your finances. You are both able to apply for new jobs to raise your joint income.

ultimately, Your wedding has nearly been paid for, meaning you can still have a wonderful wedding.

You are allowed time to grieve what has been lost but don’t let is spoil your wedding.

Some awful suggestions, you can’t just magically up your hours. That’s not how the real
world works.

If you know the nursery well I would be tempted to ask if you can remove them for 2-3 months due to the situation. They might be flexible. When I was on mat leave I asked to drop my days with the owners they agreed keeping my full hours in needed secured.

100% go through with the wedding, as others said cut the costs as needed. With the venue see if you can change / claw any money back. Change the wine to cheaper varieties etc. again speak to your venue and explain they might be willing to help and suggest.

you are within your rights to feel stressed and upset, it’s a big life changing situation

Go full time. Your husband can have the kids. Sell the car and get a much cheaper one and make cut backs on the wedding. Sorry but if you've had an income of £92k you really shouldn't be in this predicament. Spending money on a lavish wedding a new car and on the house in one year was foolish.

No, it really doesn’t…

There are no guarantees. But you both look as hard as you can, think of jobs you can do in the evenings or weekends to tide you over with no childcare, think of things to sell or reduce. Throw everything at it.

And remember, in 30 years you will remember nothing about the dress or suits or flowers. You will remember marrying the man you love. That's the ONLY thing that actually means anything.

Some awful suggestions, you can’t just magically up your hours. That’s not how the real world works.

But the OP or the DH can pick up some other work perhaps. People are crying out for staff.

Surely you can still go ahead with the wedding?

Keep whatever you’ve paid for and do the rest as cheaply as possible.
If you give specifics I’m sure they’ll be plenty of MNers who’ll have ideas of how you can do it on the cheap.

I’d be more worried about how you’re going to cope financially day your day than your wedding.

And I think it’s selfish of you to care more about your wedding than your mortgage, car payments etc or husbands feelings.

For his salary it sounds like his job is pretty hard to come by.
So You don’t have any option but to return full time whilst your DH looks after the children until he can find a new job.

I’m sorry this has happened. I wouldn’t jump to cancelling your wedding just now as it would seem silly as you’d be losing money. For the things that are left to pay for, can you scale back and cut things you don’t need?