My wedding is ruined, finding going through the motions so painful.

[reallyverysad]

I am supposed to get married in a couple of weeks, a big wedding, all my family and friends coming, it was a dream. It's all paid for and only partially refundable. To cancel we'd be paying over £9k to not get married which seems insane.

I'm just so, so upset. My fiancée has lost his job, he's been performance managed out very quickly after a restructure and after being threatened with dismissal for poor performance he resigned. He did earn £80k a year in comparison to my £12k. I just don't know how we're going to cope. We don't have enough of a nest egg to tie us over for long. He's applied for jobs left right and centre, he has a couple of interviews lined up, perhaps all will be ok but at the moment we are in complete panic.

I have my final dressing fitting next week. We still need to sort out the final flowers with the florist. We need to return some suits and decide which one to keep. It all feels ruined, completely ruined.. what was excitement is now just terror at spending so much money on one day when we aren't sure how much longer we can pay our mortgage. It's not even as simple as cancelling as we are tied into contracts where we'd owe money anyway. If we postpone what do we do about our many, many family and friends who have booked accomodation. It's all tainted.

whats still to be paid?
can you scale some of it back to save costs?
can you stick the payments on a credit card - there is a very high chance most people will give cash as a present which could be used to pay this stuff off

I didn't have a gift registry and paid for our own wedding. This resulted in most friends and family (including parents) gifting us cash. It was over twenty five years ago but amounted to more than the wedding. Do you think this will happen in your case?

Stop, it’s not ruined. Your attitude to this will mean either it’s a wonderful celebration or a damp squib. People will pick up on your mood so you need to set the tone. Remember, part of marriage is about facing the ups and downs together. If you can do it with a laugh and a smile it makes it much easier.

It is insane to throw away 9K. What you need to do is be realistic - what is the total budget, where can you realistically make savings.

Your dress should mostly have been paid for so have the final fitting. The flowers are where you can cut back - for example have a vase on the top table and use your bouquet as the table decoration, do the same for bridesmaids bouquets.

Food is likely to have costs locked in but wine and champagne etc. can you change to Cava/Prosecco? Do you limit to x bottles per table. If you were having an open bar/money behind the bar look to reduce or cancel.

Ruthlessly go through the budget and look where you can make small savings. It doesn’t matter how small it all helps.

Don't be embarrassed about what has happened, it’s your family they should understand and care. Ask those who haven’t bought a present if they can gift money.

Remember the wedding is just one day, you won’t notice where you cut back you will remember the things that cost nothing, peoples smiles, the speeches, the Dad dancing etc.

Don't let this ruin the wedding but scale back if you can.
Life will work itself out.

Well, if it would cost you 9k to cancel you might as well go through with it. Can he pick up any temp work? Can you look for a better paid job?

Go ahead with your wedding, but sit down with a friend or family member & see if there are any discretionary costs you can cut.

In the long-term you'll be ok, so for the day, focus on your marriage & having the people who you love and who love you around you. Enjoy it.

Make a plan for the future, including getting a better job as £12k is very low. It's never great to be relying on your partner's income.

Let your guests know tactfully that cash gifts would be welcomed - many will be happy to do this.

It's been a big shock but you'll be ok. 💐

How was he earning 80k a year and doesn't have any savings or investments though?

Cut back where you can- I’m sure for example that you could downsize the flowers. Can you pick up additional work while he looks?

Don't for goodness sake let this horrible company upset your big day!
Has he been to a solicitor for advice? Was this performance management or just a way to get rid of him? I'd be gathering evidence for a solicitor personally.
Scale down as people have said and do the money instead of presents thing
Good luck

even more so .. 92 k a year :O

I totally agree with everyone saying go ahead with the wedding but cut back any costs you can that are not integral to your enjoyment of the day.

But equally I think you should definitely not cancel the day for your fiancé's sake - how will he feel if he's not only lost his job but you also cancel the wedding? It would be like you don't want him any more now he hasn't got the fancy job. Show him how important he is to you, more important than the fancy wedding day, and make him feel loved and worthwhile when he needs it most. For richer for poorer...

It may be difficult and stressful, but it is not ruined, that’s totally over dramatic. Presumably you are getting married to have a life with him? And that’s still going to happen with your friends and family here so calm down.

Can you increase your hours to help in the short term? If he earnt that much he must be skilled and experienced so hopefully it won’t be too long before he finds something.

Can you ditch things like wedding favours that nobody cares about anyway?

You’ve been earning £92k a year combined but don’t have enough savings that you’re not in left in ‘terror’ while your partner applies for a new job? Very difficult life lesson for you

You say it’s all paid for so don’t cancel . Just keep saying this too will pass.

but I also can’t understand why you have no savings ?

Take a step back. You're going to have the wedding, now you need to cut what you can. Anything you've already paid for, use. Anything you can feasibly not pay for, don't.

It's a big shock, but there is hope with interviews looming. He needs to get any job ASAP if he doesn't get one of these though. Some money is better than none.

Could you get another higher paid job? Or does it fit round childcare etc?

If it's all paid for, why would you even contemplate cancelling? I know the worry of money will be on your mind but just try to enjoy your day and you can sort out everything else after. It's silly to let your day be ruined.

So, £9k in deposits/sunk costs. What will it cost you on top of that to go through with the wedding? How much of those costs can you reduce/cancel? There must be at some things you can cut back on?

DP was made redundant a few years ago and we both look back now and wish we'd enjoyed it more. (Hindsight etc.)

Also, remember that this is just one moment in your, hopefully, long life.

Everything @Crazylazydayz said. I’m so sorry this has happened to you both, but try not to get sucked into a spiral of doom and allow it to ruin your day.

You say it’s all paid for, so presumably you won’t have to spend even more to have the day you’ve planned, and you may be able to scale back and save money on the bits still to be finalised. Go through the budget and be ruthless. Don’t have things like an open bar, for example. Your friends and family love you - tell them what’s happened, they’ll understand.

Situations like this is what marriage is all about - facing a crisis together and working things out between you. I genuinely recognise that vertiginous feeling of shock and panic when you have the rug pulled out from under you like this. The exact same thing happened to us in between exchange and completion on a property that was a real stretch for us - there was no way we could afford the penalties for pulling out and we were both absolutely sick with worry, but we went ahead on the basis we’d find ways of coping financially. It took some time and juggling and a lot of sacrifices, but it all levelled out in the end, and we’ve never regretted going through with it.

Have your lovely day and try to enjoy it. The money is spent and it’s pointless trying to claw back bits and pieces, so you may as well lean in and make the most of it. At times like this you need the love and support of friends and family the most, and it may be just what you need to lift you both up and give the strength and focus to deal with your situation.

Cancel everything you possibly can, send an explanation ASAP to all contracts and all invited guests. Some of them may have cancellation insurance, like you should have done.

Do the wedding as small and cheap as you can then face up to your debts.
It's just a wedding, just money. Nobody died, it's not the end of the world.

This is still the start of a lifetime relationship, called marriage. ALL worthwhile marriages face tough challenges you have to work through together. This is just the first. You're on course, stick at it.

How much is paid for and how much more do you have to pay?

Can you scale right back on none essentials. You might be able to reduce the price significantly by talking to all the suppliers involved.

Your attitude is appalling. Get a grip woman. You are considering cancelling the wedding because your fiancé is temporary unemployed? How petty is that. He will get another job. You should look into getting a better paid job too. By all means scale back where it is possible for the wedding, but you are massively overreacting.

Our savings got eaten this year and last, buying new house, new car, the wedding. We thought we had forever to build them back up.

In the long term you will build your savings back up. It’s an awful shock but you are both fit and healthy, you have a job your DF can get a job. You are allowed a little time to accept what has happened but you need to focus on the future.

That was my thought.