My wedding is ruined, finding going through the motions so painful.

[reallyverysad]

I am supposed to get married in a couple of weeks, a big wedding, all my family and friends coming, it was a dream. It's all paid for and only partially refundable. To cancel we'd be paying over £9k to not get married which seems insane.

I'm just so, so upset. My fiancée has lost his job, he's been performance managed out very quickly after a restructure and after being threatened with dismissal for poor performance he resigned. He did earn £80k a year in comparison to my £12k. I just don't know how we're going to cope. We don't have enough of a nest egg to tie us over for long. He's applied for jobs left right and centre, he has a couple of interviews lined up, perhaps all will be ok but at the moment we are in complete panic.

I have my final dressing fitting next week. We still need to sort out the final flowers with the florist. We need to return some suits and decide which one to keep. It all feels ruined, completely ruined.. what was excitement is now just terror at spending so much money on one day when we aren't sure how much longer we can pay our mortgage. It's not even as simple as cancelling as we are tied into contracts where we'd owe money anyway. If we postpone what do we do about our many, many family and friends who have booked accomodation. It's all tainted.

What does your fiancé do?

You’re allowed to be shocked, scared and sad. Anyone would be!

My advice would be to contact each supplier- food, flowers, cars, music, photographer etc, explain the situation and ask if you can downgrade your package at all. If you’ve got a gift registry set up, cancel that too and explain what’s happened to people but say any contributions to offset the day instead would be welcome.

I think both of you need to look for better paying jobs as well- £12k is ridiculously low. Is that part time, could you up your hours?

Contact your mortgage provider and anyone else and ask for a couple of months payment holiday.

Deep breath, chin up, make a plan. It will be ok. 💐

I´m so sorry this has happened to you.
You´ve already had some fantastic advice -- I hope some of it will help you and your fiancé.
Sending love and a hug.

Stop panicking! Your wedding must all be paid for if you are getting married in 2 weeks.

I understand this is not an ideal way to start your married life, but honestly you clearly have been loving a life of ‘fur coat and no knickers’. You have prioritised material items over financial security.

Living, not loving!

You'll be paying over £9k to not be married
However the important bit is how much more that £9k is it going to cost you to actually get married? That's what you'd be saving if the £9k is lost already....

You've got two weeks to contact all the suppliers etc. and see what hasn't been ordered yet and what can be canceller

Did you take out wedding insurance and does that cover your fiance losing his job?

You now have no savings but have a house, new car and a wedding to look forward to.

Sell the new car & put the money made to one side to pay off wedding debts.

Can df not do some temping?!?!

You need to get a full time job to help with money situation

Why on earth did he quit his job if you were relying so much on the money? Surely he could have stuck it out as long as possible while he looked for other work??

Why are the majority of financial resposnibilities on him?

What if he left you - could you be an independent adult on £12K a year.

I am not sure why everyone is saying the onus is on him to find extra work and pick up random jobs and make up the difference. You need to do the same and contribute more to your joint funds and to the wedding expenses.

Scale down the wedding wherever you can. It is the marriage that matters, not the party.

Why did he resign? He should of held on while looking for another job. At least you could sell the car if things get too bad.

It is too late for you, but for anyone else reading this, please do not spend thousands on a wedding unless you will still have tens of thousands in savings after the wedding.

Expensive weddings are for very wealthy people not for people who have minimum savings.

Why are you earning 12k a year as an adult? He must be under massive pressure now if he lost his 80k job!
You really need to aspire to do better than 12k, and not rely on your fiance financially.

My salary is £26k but I am pro rata as we have very young kids. I don't really have an opportunity to earn much more, going back full time gets absorbed by nursery fees.

Is the wedding an expensive party or do you really, really want to be married? Also you say that your partner has lost his job due to poor performance and on a 80k plus joint salary that you do not have savings - these are not sound building blocks for the future.

Can you pick up any overtime at work since you're only part time, and he can be with the kids, until he finds something else?

Go ahead with whatever is paid for and scale back anything that's flexible eg see if the florist can use cheaper flowers, less flowers, reduce amount of wine, no free bar etc (let friends and family know if they aren't expecting to pay) and also remember that there's lots of vacancies currently, though he needs to take a job he is capable of - this might take time as he's fairly senior on that salary so in the mean time he should be applying for any jobs just to keep money coming in eg waiter, bar work, retail - all are desperate for staff so will be keen to hire

Stop with the woe is me. Its not all ruined. He will get another job. You are bound to earn more as you progress in a career. You are young. Don't look back on this as a time of anxiety. The money was already spent and you could afford it at the time. In life there will be ups and downs. Unemployment is a small setback that usually results in something better. Ahead of you in marriage you have worse downs ahead and the point is to face things together.

On the other hand, surely if you still want to be with him, you should be looking on the bright side? He could have lost his job and also had no partner and nothing to look forward to. Instead he’s lost his job but at least you are committed to him and you have a lovely big day all planned.

If you actually mean buying a car rather than leasing etc, then why not sell the car for something cheaper?

You haven’t ordered your flowers, so this is the opportunity to save money by not ordering them.

I posted without realising you had children and nursery fees. New house, new car, expensive wedding. I really think that you should be thinking about more than the wedding being 'tainted'. Time to cut any additional costs then sit down and talk about life beyond the wedding - how your partner will get a new job (can he rely on references), how you will pay the mortgage etc.

Ok don’t panick, you have assets (house and car) plus have paid the bulk of your wedding.

we did something similar when we got married, brought a house paid for a wedding and he pretty much no savings left.

if your fiancée was earning £80k then he clearly has good earning potential and it’s great that he already has interviews lined up.

by only concern is so you really understand the ‘performance managed out’ we do that at my work but only when someone is really under performing.

enjoy your wedding, this is once is a lifetime, worst comes to worst sell the car.

Nursery fees on a minimum of £106k, if you worked f/t. (And that's not a very high f/t salary either).

I am aghast at the amount of posters here who treat nursery fees as if they come out of 1 salary. They are a joint expense, not just from your salary & continuing to work is so important to protect yourself & your career.

Sadly you don't know what life holds in store.

How am I supposed to earn more? I don't have qualifications to get a higher paid job. I have two kids under the age of three.

How is that helpful? Why kick someone when they are already stressed out