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Original poster

Lost a friend over her wedding :(

117 replies

Heyahun · 31/01/2022 14:47

Awkward one - friend had to reschedule her wedding several times due to Covid! In the 3 years since she got engaged my circumstances have changed (I have a small baby)
I am a Bridesmaid

The last wedding was planned for a week after my due date - so I declined ( the wedding is in a different Country - where we are both from)

She was very upset with me that I said we couldn't go and had zero understaning of the situation - even saying well fly over with the baby when it's born and take it to the wedding (baby was actually 10 days over so no I couldn't have gone!)

Then it got moved to May of this year - so YAY we can go!

I arranged for my Mum to look after our baby for the day - said we would travel down morning of the wedding and my Dad kindly offered to collect us that night and take us back to theirs.

She said I have to be there the day before .. I can't go the day before as my baby is exclusively breastfed so really I can only leave her for the day not overnight

I was getting stressed about being a bridesmaid so I met up with her and said i would be happier to attend as a guest as I feel I can't give the role of Bridesmaid the attention it needs and I can't be there the day before etc

well she blocked me that day, removed me from the hen whatsapp group and now im wondering whats going on!

Have i been an awful friend? am I now no longer invited?

I've already booked flights and time off work so I am a bit miffed tbh

OP posts:
BobbieT1999 · 31/01/2022 14:50

No you haven't been an awful friend, she has. I'm so sorry, it's so painful when a friend turns out this way Flowers

TibetanTerrah · 31/01/2022 14:51

You wouldn't have been able to win either way. Imagine bringing a baby the night before/to the wedding. She'd have stropped the whole time that you had to go off and breastfeed/baby screaming etc. She's being a total bridezilla but not sure what you can do about your flights Sad

Lunificent · 31/01/2022 14:52

This is very cruel of her. You’ve paid for expensive flights and she blocks you, terrible. Can you get your money back?

Lazypuppy · 31/01/2022 14:54

If you are flying, surely you aren't just flying for the day? I'm a bit confused, if it is in another country. I understand her wanting you there the day/night before, but she should have just let you be a guest. How old is the baby, can you not take baby to the wedding? All 3 of my bridesmaids had babies between my original wedding date and my 4th postponed date, they all just bought the babies, their partners/husbands were there

Lunificent · 31/01/2022 14:54

Is wedding mark 2 not abroad?

Owlink · 31/01/2022 14:55

What am immature, self-obsessed "friend". I hope you can get a refund for the flights. I definitely wouldn't attempt to go to the wedding.

Pleaseuniverseplease · 31/01/2022 14:55

She's not a friend.
A friend wouldn't behave in such a way.
No chance I'd be contacting her again and if she got bin touch at all I'd tell her to bog off.

Frazzled2207 · 31/01/2022 14:55

She’s been totally unreasonable
You have done nothing wrong
Hopefully she will come to her senses, apologise and you can attend as a guest as per your offer. If she doesn’t, don’t bother going at all

Original poster
Heyahun · 31/01/2022 14:57

I mean i will go anyway as I want to see my parents so it's not the end of the world

I am flying in on the Saturday - the Wedding is on Monday

The Wedding is located in the Countryside - my partents live a 2 hour drive from the venue - hence whay I mean about not being able to travel down to the wedding the day before

She has stated there are absolutley no children including babies...

Tbh I was looking forward to a day on our own at the Wedding and having my Mum babysit for us - I haven't been out much since she was born.

Such a mad situation - She does have form for this - gets so angry if someone can't make her birthday drinks for example - but i just can't believe she has gone to this extreme

OP posts:
Theimpossiblegirl · 31/01/2022 14:59

So you're flying, leaving your baby in the wedding country with your parents then supposed to be going to the wedding?
She's a crap friend. You've gone to a lot of effort and expense for her.
Just visit your parents and make sure mutual friends know why.

purpleboy · 31/01/2022 15:02

She is no friend op, if she has form for this as you've said then it will only get worse, imagine if she has her own child, if your not there for every milestone you'll get dropped then too!
Go and have a little holiday with your parents, spend the day with DH as originally planned (although not at the wedding) and don't give her a second though.

Beginit · 31/01/2022 15:04

As the saying goes when someone shows you their true colours, believe them the first time.

She has form for it. That's who she is. You are well rid.

Raindancer411 · 31/01/2022 15:08

As purpleboy said...

Lunificent · 31/01/2022 15:09

Are you still going to the wedding? I think I wouldn’t bother, just enjoy spending some time with your mum.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/01/2022 15:11

defo not in the wrong OP- shes a self obsessed cow

PurpleDaisies · 31/01/2022 15:11

She’s been utterly ridiculous about this. She is totally in the wrong not you. Sad you’ve lost a friend but I’m guessing it was hard work in other areas too.

fruitbrewhaha · 31/01/2022 15:14

You haven't lost a friend OP. You've got rid of a petulant stroppy arse of a person who only thinks of themselves. You've other priorities now, you'll meet plenty of lovely new friends in your life. It's sad but you are much better off without her.

WildPoinsettia · 31/01/2022 15:21

I'd enjoy the time with your DH and parents, call or message mutual friends to say you won't be at the wedding as you've been uninvited, that stops her lying about what's happened when they ask where you are. She's blocked you, the friendship is over and I agree with others you're well rid! Any mutual friends who take her side in this need to go to. You've done nothing wrong and you don't deserve people's negative judgement for your decision.

Continentalmama · 31/01/2022 15:23

She was obviously ridiculous about the first wedding and the way she has reacted but I don't understand why you can't go the night before? How old will your baby be? If you're leaving the baby for the entire day then presumably baby takes a bottle so I don't understand why one night makes a difference? Or is it because you don't want to be away from your baby for a night? In which case is it possible to bring your parents with you to stay near the venue? The only time I've been bridesmaids is for very very close friends and nothing short of an unforeseeable disaster would make me miss their wedding day.

Owlink · 31/01/2022 15:25

Re your update: honestly why bother going to the wedding? She sounds like she'll just make your day horrible for you, either not speaking to you or being cold & gossiping about you with others. She blocked you for heaven's sake. That's not something you do to a friend who's about to travel by plane to be a guest at your wedding! Just go & see your parents with your baby. I bet you'll all have a lovely time just you four 😘

irishfarmer · 31/01/2022 15:26

She is being a complete bridezilla!

I'd say you aren't invited if she has blocked you. Go home, enjoy the little break with your parents.

Maybe one of the evening you and DH could go our for dinner and few drinks after? You said you haven't been out much so that'd be nice.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 31/01/2022 15:26

She's a massive twat. Better off without her

Mummyduck2 · 31/01/2022 15:29

You haven't lost a good friend at least, you've lost a rubbish friend.

Ive distanced myself from a shitty bridesmaid after my wedding and it's honestly been the best thing I've ever done. It's only now I can look back and see our friendship was just so one sided and how badly she spoke to me. To be honest, it was only other people in the bridal party pointing out her behaviour and how ridiculous it was, that I realised how bad a friend she was. I'd just got used to it! So as much as I know we will never be close, and as sad as the situation was at the time, I'm so glad it's opened my eyes to see who she really was! And I have so much more time
on my hands now I'm not listening to her complaining about everyone and everything!!

This is what's happened here, you've seen your friend for who she really is, and it's fine now for you to walk away. It's ok to be a little sad about it, but in the long run you won't look back.

blacksax · 31/01/2022 15:29

Blimey, how much more unreasonable can you get? Just tell her to take her wedding and stuff it where the sun don't shine..

Eddielzzard · 31/01/2022 15:30

I wonder if she'll look back if she has her own DC and think 'OMG I was horrible.' or whether she will still be the centre of the world. Anyway, I think you have had a lucky escape.

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