Would this be frowned upon?

[MouldyVoldy]

My partner of 12 years and I have decided to plan our wedding. We aren't 'officially' engaged as he hasn't got me a ring yet. But I'm starting to think about things we might like etc.

My best friend, who will be MoH, has offered us a venue free of charge. We wouldn't be able to have the ceremony there, as they don't have a license, but would be able to have the reception there. It's a beautiful place.

We aren't very well off at all, so I think we should really take her up on her offer. There would be no paying bar, but I thought we could get as much beer, wine and soft drinks as would could, and put a 'bring what you fancy' on the invites. Is that weird? We would obviously feed and entertain all guests. But I have only ever been to one wedding that had a free bar, all others have been paid by guests. So it can't be that bad, can it?

I went to a wedding once were there was a bar but the bride and groom had paid for all the beer, wine and spirits themselves and instead of having a 'free' bar, they charged their guests for what it had cost them. (I think they had relatives manning the bar.)

The bride and groom were happy as it cost them nothing, the guests were happy as drinks were a fraction of what you would pay elsewhere, there wasn't any waste and everyone throughly enjoyed themselves without it costing a fortune.

Win win situation all round I thought.

@Marmite27 they’re hip height at my height- 5 foot!

Ummm I’m actually not sure, haven’t thought about that

@mishfish, it’s a great idea! But I’m worried for cold soggy arms

How about fishing nets? Make it like a fair game?

@marmite FAB idea! I’ll grab some from the ££ shop tomorrow. Was thinking of a litter picker but the net is much better

Will report Sunday on the wet arms

Hi alias! Nice to know I'm not the only one that feels a little bit fraudulent. Are you planning on getting a ring, or just not bothering? I've told more people than I should have I expect. But I'm a bit excited. We weren't meant to say anything until he'd got the ring. But I had to tell my mum because I'm useless. What sort of venues are you looking at?

Also, what is a kilner dispenser? Don't worry. I'll google.

I love the idea of a fishing net. Please come back and let us know how that went! I wonder if you can hire ice machines? Will probably need a lot of ice ....

They’re big jars with a tap. A bit like having a keg of cocktail 😁 (bit more decorative though)

Ah, I think I know what you mean. That's a great idea! Will add that into my notebook

@Mouldy

Well to be honest I have a few engagement rings knocking around

That's not as bad as it sounds. This is very outing but my birth mum died when I was born. I was brought up by another member of the family, who I always thought of and called mum, although I always knew the full story. I was very close to the mum who brought me up, sadly we lost her to cancer a few years ago. I have both mum's' engagement rings, my birth mum's was also my grandmothers who I never met. (I did also have another engagement ring from my ex, but I flogged that when it all went tits up before the wedding, I know you're meant to return them really, oops).

So I did think about wearing one of those rings as my ring - they're actually quite similar. However it seems that getting me a ring is pretty important to DP, who feels like he 'should' do so. I told him I'd rather have an engagement hall, living room, stairs and landing carpet for the money but that apparently was missing the point! And actually it's lovely that he wants to do this, he's a generous person but frugal in that he'll never spend more than he needs to so I expected him to jump at the chance of a 'free' ring. And he's not especially romantic as evidence by the fact he never actually proposed as such, but he is doing all kinds of research into rings and compiling spreadsheets and god knows what (as he does with all gifts, our first Christmas together I wanted a leather satchel type bag and sent him the link to the one I fancied, dear lord the research, review reading and god knows what else that went into buying me a handbag, before in the end he conceded that the one I liked was the best choice and got that) so I'm actually touched that he wants to choose something for me. And it will be nice to have something that's just for us, like a new start.

Sorry, that was an essay! But in short yeah there will be a ring at some point, when DP has exhausted the internet on the subject, conducted several independent reviews and compiled a dissertation length report.

Is your DP choosing the ring himself or are you having any input?

For venues I quite like the idea of a village hall, or smallish hotels/ inns or a nice pub even. I did fancy a 'barn' but bloody hell, cheaper to hire a stately home than some of the 'barns' round here, and that's before you get to food and booze.

You are VERY lucky to have a nice venue for free. Can you say what sort of place it is or is that too outing?

It's not in the North West is it and your friend doesn't feel like extending the generosity to some randomer you came across online your new friend????

As a low-key frugal control freak I would love the BYO option.

Alias, I'm not sure if it'll be 'outing' to be honest. I mean, it's just a place that there are lots of. You've mentioned it already I'm in the south unfortunately!

The future husband is a bit unsure of the venue though, as it's in the middle of nowhere. But it's free ... and it'll be a really good way to make our super cheap wedding appear a lot more fancy

Hope you find your dream venue soon.