Would this be frowned upon?

[MouldyVoldy]

My partner of 12 years and I have decided to plan our wedding. We aren't 'officially' engaged as he hasn't got me a ring yet. But I'm starting to think about things we might like etc.

My best friend, who will be MoH, has offered us a venue free of charge. We wouldn't be able to have the ceremony there, as they don't have a license, but would be able to have the reception there. It's a beautiful place.

We aren't very well off at all, so I think we should really take her up on her offer. There would be no paying bar, but I thought we could get as much beer, wine and soft drinks as would could, and put a 'bring what you fancy' on the invites. Is that weird? We would obviously feed and entertain all guests. But I have only ever been to one wedding that had a free bar, all others have been paid by guests. So it can't be that bad, can it?

Someone will be along to tell you you shouldn't get married unless you can afford all the alcohol etc but honestly it's fine. People know what they're getting, and if they're the sort to not go unless it's all paid for, their loss

I think people would prefer bringing their own than paying bar prices, as they can get more for their money, so I'd be fine with it. Maybe provide free drink with the meal though

I’ve a friend planning a wedding where the guests bring all the food for the weekend and venue decor, so bring a bottle sounds fine to me!

I think it's a great idea. I've never been to a wedding with a free bar always had to pay so bring your own is actually cheaper for the guests then an actual bar.
Have always had a toasting drink (champagne) for free tho

I’ve been to a few byo weddings. Just make sure you can provided ice or fridges for chilling.

I’ve also been to a lot of Home Counties type weddings and there’s normally a cash bar. It’s becoming less coming to have a free bar these days and I’ve not met anyone who cared about it (nor the byo).

Oh phew! I'm glad some people wouldn't mind! We would definitely provide some booze and coke or whatever. Some bubbles, a few boxes of beer and wine. But I know what people (OH mates!) are like.

I would definitely have preferred to bring my own to some weddings. So expensive!

Yes was also about to suggest fridges, ice, bottle openers, glasses etc. Maybe even soft drinks for mixers if you can afford it.

Great idea, I think most —normal— people would be happy with that. Have fun!

Middle, there is a kitchen attached to the venue so all good on that front.

One of my best friends did this in March. Byob and it was actually brilliant. They provided a selection of mixers and cups, but we took what we wanted and much preferred it. Also, everyone took really obscure things so we ended up mixing and sharing and then the shots come out. Great fun! go for it, I much preferred it rather than over inflated function prices!

Also, where are you? I know in Scotland you can obtain a licence to marry anywhere at all and it's not expensive.

Absolutely fine! I’d be more than happy to bring my own drinks.

Also, if you’re planning a wedding, you’re engaged!

Umm.. I live in Ireland and have literally never been to a wedding with a free bar in my life probably because it would bankrupt the bride and groom

Bookish, we are in the south of England. Might look into obtaining a temporary license, but it's not important. Quite happy to have a small registry ceremony. Then a big party.

Very glad all replies have been for byo.

And I guess I am engaged if I'm planning a wedding, just doesn't feel properly official as there was no proposal and no ring. But I am
Very excited! As is my mum!

I think this is fine as long as you provide a decent amount. Bubbly for the toasts, enough wine to get everyone through the meal and a decent stash of beers etc for afterwards. Then just tell people that if there's anything they particularly want to drink they are welcome to bring their own.

You could always get some bottles on a sale or return basis if you're worried about cash but don't want to risk running out.

Your other option is that there are companies out there who will provide a paying bar that doesn’t cost you any money as they earn money through what people pay for drinks.
Personally I’d be very happy with a wedding where I brought my own drink as would be so much cheaper

If you have the offer of a free venue, snap it up.

As for drinks, if you provide a toast and table wine, that’s your duty done. BYO is fine for anything else. Your guests will be delighted at not having to pay bar prices.

A full open bar can get very ugly. Yours is a great solution.

DS is getting married next year, and one of the venues we looked at gave us the option of them providing the drinks as parent of the catering, or bring your own. They would still provide the bar staff, glasses, ice etc. BYO was a no brainer.

That’s fine! I think it’s good to provide champagne for toasting and wine for the table but most people expect to pay at a bar when they go to a wedding.

I’d be more than happy with BYOB as we could bring what we like and as a posted above said- they’ll be a mixture!

I’m getting married next weekend and we are putting on all the booze. Will have kilners full of mixers (pimms, vodka lemonade, rum & coke) and hip high metal bins full of ice and beers/ciders/soft drinks and water available all day. But after the ceremony we will have champagne for toasts and wine for the tables, then the other spirits will come out for the evening party- hopefully it works out!

Hi @Mouldy - I’m in the same situation as we appear Tom have started wedding planning without an actual proposal or a ring - plan is for end of next year, we’ve chosen a couple of potential venues and worked out a rough guest list yet I still feel silly saying I’m engaged and haven’t mentioned it to anyone in ‘real life’ yet!

One option we looked at was a local village hall where we would provide food, wine and beer, possibly some premixed pimms and mojito in killer dispensers, with BYOB on invitations for anything else. Currently it’s between that option, a local pub and doing it ‘away’ somewhere but I definitely think bring your own is a good option.

*to have started
** kilner dispensers

My iPad hates me today

Mishfish- how do hip high bins work when you get towards the bottom and the ice has melted? Won’t people get wet fishing around in a them?

It’s fine OP and sounds lovely.
We recently attended a party in a marque with free food and drinks on arrival Pimms and something else. We wouldn’t have known had we not asked her the week beforehand but she said bringing some alcohol would be lovely and very much appreciated so we did. I think they had some wine on tables and some beer (it might have been sale or return as they had outside caterers in) but obviously couldn’t afford a free bar for everyone all night. No one batted an eyelid.

I didn’t have a bar at my wedding. It was meant to be dry but knowing this several guests brought their own wine (more than enough for themselves) including my mother. The food was like charcuterie stuff. Venue was a town hall and pretty cheap. Yours sounds fine.

We did a ‘no gifts please, but bring a pudding to share and anything you want to drink’. We paid for a local pub to do sandwiches and provided fizzy water and a couple of glasses of cava for everyone. The puddings were EPIC (definitely got pretty competitive), and I don’t think anyone minded. Everyone knew we were poor at that point. Great fun. Played cricket in the village hall field. Have a great day.

I'd love to bring my own instead of paying at the bar! What a fab idea,OP!