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Original poster

To renew vows after wedding disappointment?

36 replies

unicornbear · 29/05/2018 10:23

I got married last year.
I had always wanted a small wedding abroad with just close family there and a couple of friends.
We ended up having a big wedding in the uk. We couldn't have it abroad because my husbands kids wouldn't have been able to come and Dh didn't want to get married without them there. Also some other relatives and friends we cared about wouldn't have been able to come. The guest list just kept getting bigger and bigger when we realised we couldn't invite some people and not others. Anyway, it really did not turn out at all like I wanted.
Do you think it would be ridiculous to have a very small renewal of vows abroad. Maybe with just us or maybe with our parents. Or is it now too late.

OP posts:
FreeMantle · 29/05/2018 12:12

I'd say too late. I can't see family and friends taking it seriously after being at your wedding last year. You don't need a special day now, it's done, you're married and that was the point.

I would however go somewhere fantastic and make it your own special place for anniversaries. Then maybe have the vow renewal in 10 years time.

ScottishDiblet · 29/05/2018 12:49

I’m really sorry you didn’t have the day you wanted. But it was good your step children could be there. I always think a vow renewal is for couples who have broken their vows somehow? I agree on the idea of a lovely special holiday or dinner if that’s a more suitable budget for the two of you.

BossWitch · 29/05/2018 12:52

Too late - you need to let it go. Have a lovely holiday the two of you if you can afford to, but no-one is going to be interested in coming to wedding #2 just a year or two after the first, just so you get a 'do over' . Sorry.

Original poster
unicornbear · 29/05/2018 15:39

I was only talking about my parents being there...
The more I think about it the more I think why not. If it's just me and Dh it doesn't matter if anyone else is interested. It's for us and our happiness not theirs!

OP posts:
FreeMantle · 29/05/2018 16:57

Sorry totally missed the bit about it being just you or just parents.

Obviously if you aren't expecting anyone else to be involved it's doable.

I'm not sure why you think it will be the wedding you always wanted though. Surely the point of the day is, either or both;
A. To You become legally man and wife
B. To commit to each other in front of people who care about you.

How will be any different to just being on the beach and telling each other how much you love each other? Genuinely confused, not trying to be narky.

Littlelambpeep · 29/05/2018 17:01

I think the day often doesn't turn into the romantic day you want. Even if your parents don't mind (your dh might mind that his DC are not there - be careful !)

Original poster
unicornbear · 29/05/2018 17:14

His DC were there for our wedding. They wouldn't need to be there for this and wouldn't be allowed to anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
unicornbear · 29/05/2018 17:16

It wasn't romantic at all, it was horrible.

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FreeMantle · 29/05/2018 17:46

I feel sorry that your day was a disappointment. Very annoying if you know that your way would have been better.

I still can't see how recreating your day will help though. It won't change the wedding you had. Presumably you still love each other and want to be together...if so, it worked!
You won't be able to tell anyone what you are doing because they will think something has gone wrong. If you tell them the real reason, they will think you are being a spoilt princess. If they came to your wedding they might be upset at wasted time and expense.
A few people on here have mentioned crap weddings that were too big, badly planned or lacked romance. You aren't alone here.

Original poster
unicornbear · 29/05/2018 17:56

Well if anyone thought it was a waste of their time or money to come to our wedding then I wouldn't want to be friends with them anyway tbh. If they really thought that then they should have declined. It's not like they would be coming to this one.
I wouldn't really care what other people think or if they think I'm a spoilt princess. Neither of those things would put me off.
I think it is right and important for me and Dh to have a day just the two of us where we can look back and have happy memories. This would be a day where it does not matter what anyone else thinks, just what me and Dh think Smile

OP posts:
foodiefil · 29/05/2018 17:58

Why wouldn't his kids be allowed to be there?

Janus · 29/05/2018 18:05

I don’t get it either. For me renewing of vows would be you’ve been married 20/30/40 years and celebrating that. One year on, why? It isn’t going to be your wedding day, it will be an hour, at most, of saying ‘I love you’ and you’ve all gone all that way for that? Your parents won’t well up or enjoy it like your real day, as it’s not an actual symbol of anything. I honestly don’t mean to sound harsh I just don’t see what you would achieve. I’d sooner go on an amazingly romantic holiday like a week in Paris.

Original poster
unicornbear · 29/05/2018 18:08

They wouldn't be allowed as their mum wouldn't let him take them abroad. They have already been to our wedding.

OP posts:
Original poster
unicornbear · 29/05/2018 18:11

It would probably just be me and him. I don't want or need anyone to well up.
I'm seeing that other people don't understand it. But I think this has helped me to see that it doesn't matter what other people think.
This would be about me and Dh and no one else's views matter. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 29/05/2018 18:12

It sounds like the wedding is more important to you than the marriage. That’s not the way it’s meant to be.

Biologifemini · 29/05/2018 18:15

Sorry you had a crap time but a wedding isn’t that important.
Renewal of vows if just for hose who have been together donkeys years or if a seperation has happened.

Original poster
unicornbear · 29/05/2018 18:15

Where on Earth have I said that!?

OP posts:
rainingcatsanddog · 29/05/2018 18:17

It is silly after only one year. Maybe after 10 /20/25 years instead? People who have a renewal so soon do so because of a major crisis like infidelity. How was the honeymoon? I'd expect that to be the romantic part.

Notveryladylike · 29/05/2018 18:17

It's not too late it's too soon, wait a good few years to remove your vows.

Notveryladylike · 29/05/2018 18:19

*renew

FinallyHere · 29/05/2018 18:20

Why bother renewing vows you only took a year ago? What about a lovely holiday together?

Viola82 · 29/05/2018 18:23

If you want - renew! it's about you 2 being happy and have your day!
renew renew renew!

FreeMantle · 29/05/2018 18:28

Well if anyone thought it was a waste of their time or money to come to our wedding then I wouldn't want to be friends with them anyway tbh

But that's what you would be telling them! By saying your first wedding wasn't nice enough and now you want to do it differently. How would you feel as a guest who'd put time and money into your special day?

So if can't tell them the truth it'll have to be a secret. Which seems a lot of fuss over something that won't matter over a lifetime of being together.

Monomynous · 29/05/2018 18:29

I'd do it! Do whatever that makes you happy if its not hurting anyone else. It would be really lovely, and you'll get to remember both days. Lots of people have a small wedding then a bigger celebration- you're just doing the reverse. I don't think vow renewals are for people who have broken them. It's our 10 yr anniversary and we're renewing, just us, no guests.

Original poster
unicornbear · 29/05/2018 18:36

@FreeMantle that is ridiculous. They had a great time.

OP posts:
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