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Original poster

Stripper at wedding, but as a guest's plus one?!

69 replies

Somnum · 20/03/2018 07:58

I'm getting married this summer and one of my fiancé's friends (let's call him "D") – a 48-year-old divorcé who lives like a cliché (he's wealthy, tends to date 20somethings and introduces us to new 'girlfriends' every season) – met a stripper while he was out on another friend's recent stag (yes, in strip club). Only three weeks ago he messaged my fiancé asking "where's a good place to take a stripper for dinner?". My fiancé was laughing over the flurry of texts and couldn't help but share the craziness of it all.

D messaged me privately today on WhatsApp to say that he couldn't post in the main group (his latest girlfriend since January is in the group chat) because he's been dating the stripper and now she's his girlfriend.

I could see where this was heading, so I said, as nicely as possible, that I'm happy he's met someone he's into, but she is not invited to the wedding. He's now accusing me of being highly judgemental and that she is just someone whom he's met and she's a very nice person.

How would you all feel in my situation. I don't think I'm being judgemental. Do you?

OP posts:
HuskyMcClusky · 20/03/2018 08:29

So his invitation went out with a ‘plus one’ on it? But now you want to stipulate who the plus one is?

Original poster
Somnum · 20/03/2018 08:29

No, she's not invited.

You've made a good point in that he didn't respect his latest squeeze in his comment to my future DH.This is what I have a problem with. He was showing off to my guy, yet now that it's backfired on him, he's massively back-pedalling, trying to tell me that she was only dabbling in that job and has given up (probably since she met him).

OP posts:
toomanyweeds · 20/03/2018 08:30

So the word striper is in the title and the first sentence of the OP but in fact it only comes into it slightly?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 20/03/2018 08:30

I don't think it matters if she's his plus one at your wedding reception but I agree with fox, he's the wanker. His attitude to women stinks, objectifying women calling her "the stripper" and making her the brunt of his jokes to his friends? Yuk.
I think it's safe to say he's deluded if he believes a 20 year old woman who he paid to leer at stripping is interested in anything other than his wallet.
Does your fiance have a lot in common with his friend? Confused

Original poster
Somnum · 20/03/2018 08:31

I'm not friends with him. He's my man's friend. He is in my social circle.

OP posts:
Original poster
Somnum · 20/03/2018 08:32

Chalk and cheese.

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 20/03/2018 08:32

If you know he gets through girl friends every couple of months why have you invited a plus one?

toomanyweeds · 20/03/2018 08:33

He was showing off to my guy

And your guy thought it was hilarious.

You thought it was funny enough to start a MN thread about (before backpedaling and making it about the other guy being an arse).

EllieMe · 20/03/2018 08:35

Why would he expect you to invite a total stranger?

Tell him to jog on.

Original poster
Somnum · 20/03/2018 08:36

"All your wedding guests are single?!"

No, as mentioned above, he is the only person bringing a gf. Everyone else is going with their spouse, fiancé/fiancée, or on their own.

OP posts:
Original poster
Somnum · 20/03/2018 08:36

How on Earth do I quote posts on here (or edit them?!).

OP posts:
HuskyMcClusky · 20/03/2018 08:39

No, he is the only person with a Plus One and as far as I was aware, it was his up-until-he-announced-it-yesterday, girlfriend who is in our chat group. I've met her several times and am happy for her to attend

Was his ex-girlfriend invited by name on his invitation, though? Or was his invitation to Him + 1?

Fatrascals · 20/03/2018 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at request of author

Slartybartfast · 20/03/2018 08:39

If he has a plus one, he has a plus one, surely it is up to him, not you

juneau · 20/03/2018 08:41

DH had a friend like this. Different girl every week. When we invited him to our wedding he wouldn't confirm who he was bringing and we ended up having to call him and put him on the spot, because we were sending the table plan to the printers! So he gave us the name of some girl, turned up a week later with a different one ... who we never saw again. In retrospect I wish we'd invited our single friends alone or only with long-term partners. I now look at our wedding photos and think 'Who the fuck was that?' about several people. And we paid X amount per head to feed that total stranger Angry

Original poster
Somnum · 20/03/2018 08:43

"He was showing off to my guy

And your guy thought it was hilarious.

You thought it was funny enough to start a MN thread about (before backpedaling and making it about the other guy being an arse)."

Not funny, but this matter was the source of several uncomfortable discussions. I wanted people's opinions and knew I would get them here.

I think i've had fair and good responses. Some not to on the money e.g. saying I'm being 100% judgemental re: stripping. It's the whole package together (not the woman, but him and his antics).

My guy didn't think it was hilarious. We mostly roll our eyes at N. We accept it's the way he is. He's "at a different stage in life to us". His children are teenagers whereas we're childless and are about to marry. In my social groups, everyone is engaged or married and then there's D with his way of living life.

I am just giving more info. No-one's back-pedalling here...or stealing expressions. ;)

OP posts:
Original poster
Somnum · 20/03/2018 08:48

"Was his ex-girlfriend invited by name on his invitation, though? Or was his invitation to Him + 1?"

It had the name of the girl he was with last year, but since Jan he has been with someone else up until now.

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 20/03/2018 08:48

Probably shouldnt have given him a plus 1 but i think it is too late now

TheNaze73 · 20/03/2018 08:49

Everyone else is going with their spouse, fiancé/fiancé

So if they get engaged, I’d she allowed to come??

I’m struggling to follow your logic here. Why is her being a strippper relevant? The only person, I’d not want at the wedding, is the disrespectful arsehole friend

mimibunz · 20/03/2018 08:52

I'm a snob about things like this. An unapologetic snob. If the stripper wouldn't fit in with the other people at your wedding, then both she and the other guests would feel awful and uncomfortable. And your friend is a player!

Original poster
Somnum · 20/03/2018 08:54

"If you know he gets through girl friends every couple of months why have you invited a plus one?"

Good question! It mostly came about because my future DH said it would be a nice gesture, otherwise he would be on his own (and also, he was - as he always is - with someone when the invites went out. The girl at the time would socialise with us, so it would have seemed mean not to invite her).

D is the kind of person who hates being single/alone if you didn't work it out. I feel he would hate it to turn up at a social event on his own, which is why he goes out with anyone he's actively sleeping with until he gets bored.

Had he met his latest squeeze 6+ months ago and they were steady and he seemed in love and all that.....AND they're still together in 3 months' time, then I wouldn't have had any problems with it. It's just the way it 'has' panned out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Somnum · 20/03/2018 08:57

"So he gave us the name of some girl, turned up a week later with a different one ... who we never saw again. In retrospect I wish we'd invited our single friends alone or only with long-term partners. I now look at our wedding photos and think 'Who the fuck was that?' about several people. And we paid X amount per head to feed that total stranger."

I know, RIGHT?! This is what I have massive issues with. Sorry to sound like a nob myself, but we are paying (relatively) a lot per head at our wedding and it's a destination wedding.

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 20/03/2018 09:05

Putting aside being judgemental and the fact he's a twat, you invited a gf you liked and had met. Now she's not around, I don't think it unreasonable to say 'isn't the timing unfortunate, if only we'd had more time to get to know new gf, we might have been able to invite her, but I'm sure you understand we're not inviting any plus ones we don't know, so apologies the invitation doesn't carry over'. Or make up how lucky it is he's split up so you're now able to invite dear old aunt Gertrude instead. Tbh my wording is a bit crap, but you get the point. He'll prob kick off but it's your wedding.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 20/03/2018 09:05

If you've given him a free +1 you can't really dictate who he does and doesn't bring.
If you invited ex-gf by name, you can choose not to transfer the invitation to new (stripper) gf.
I would be questioning why your DH is friends with this arse.
Maybe he's vicariously enjoying D's relationships.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 20/03/2018 09:05

Something just seems off with the whole situation. I suspect your dp and social group all hold this older guy in high regard, find him amusing and his constant stream of arm candy a source of entertainment and amusement.

E.g., my dp was laughing over the texts and couldn't help but share he's not laughing at his friend there, he's finding his friend's attitude to women funny.

I hope his latest girlfriend doesn't want to sit through a wedding of two strangers and doesn't attend. It sounds as though everyone in your group knows her job and will be sniggering and gossiping about her. Sad