My children not invited to sister’s wedding

[niklew]

Hi all

Sorry my first time starting a post so hoping it will be in the right place...

My sister is getting married for a second time ( December 22nd 2018- just booked it). She has a 7 year old daughter from her first marriage. I have 3 children ages 2,4 and 6. Our children are good friends.

However, she has booked a wedding for next Dec and although taking my niece , has said my children are not invited. They have chosen a very small wedding at a venue 3 hours away and adults only apart from her daughter.

I completely understand come people want a child free wedding but the problem I have is that my family will be there therefore who would watch my children?? I very rarely leave them as I’m a stay at home
Mum. So I would find it difficult anyway but have attended friends weddings where we left the evening do early. I’ve never left my children over night other than when I was in labour!

My dad said he believes my sister assumed my parents in law could have them . But my sister in law lives in Holland and comes over every Christmas with her 3 children and stays with my parents in law ( who live an hour away). There’s no room For our children too and certainly no room here and I couldn’t expect my
Parents in law to leave them at their house and they come here. They only come over for 5 days as they have to return for new year( her husband is a policeman and they have to work New Year’s Eve)

Basically I’m not sure what I’m suppose to do. I can’t levae my children with anyway but obviously wouldn’t want to
Miss her wedding. At the same time I’m really annoyed she has put me
In this situation.

Am I being unreasonable? I know my children are young but they are all really well behaved children. They always have been. The eldest two are in School and the teachers love them- hard working and polite children. My youngest is lovely- they all are. I could maybe understand the no children rule a tad more if they were bonkers ;)

what plucked said (I don't get emails to tell me when someone replies any more)

give her a call, tell her the problem and wish her well

If she genuinely has two friends lined up to take your place and is hoping you will decline, you should be fine to say no.

I would be cautious though, because it really really sounds like your parents are shit-stirring and her actual comment may have been quite different. Your mum may have said “what on earth will you do if Nik can’t come?” and she may have said “well if she can’t make it, I’ll invite somebody off the bloody b-list” in exasperation. It does sound like your parents have been banging about it to her.

My DM does this with me and DBro (gets herself worked up about complete non-issues, and makes us fall out by relaying melodramatic versions of what’s actually been said). When I actually speak to DBro, his version of events is usually pretty different (and sane). I’d approach your sister directly (not via your parents), and assume good intentions until you hear otherwise.

I'm assuming it's a small wedding and she maybe can't afford to have your three kids - I won't be having kids other than my own at my wedding. Weddings are expensive and spending a large amount per head can feel wasted on a kid who doesn't like the food (my kids getting a pack lunch since trying to get her to eat fancy food just sounds like a nightmare) and has to go for a nap halfway through. Have you thought about a babysitter? When I was in my teens I regularly babysat kids age 2 and 6 overnight for a family friend who was a nurse and her husband an engineer who would both get assigned nightshift. I even dropped them off at school, came back to clean up for the parents coming in and then went along to my high school which was just around the corner from theirs. Charged about £30-£35 for the night starting at 5pm, would charge a bit more if they had asked I start during the day of course but not by much. I know as a stay at home mum it might seem unnecessary to hire help but it's good to have a night off and enjoy yourself.