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Original poster

My children not invited to sister’s wedding

128 replies

niklew · 07/12/2017 22:40

Hi all

Sorry my first time starting a post so hoping it will be in the right place...

My sister is getting married for a second time ( December 22nd 2018- just booked it). She has a 7 year old daughter from her first marriage. I have 3 children ages 2,4 and 6. Our children are good friends.

However, she has booked a wedding for next Dec and although taking my niece , has said my children are not invited. They have chosen a very small wedding at a venue 3 hours away and adults only apart from her daughter.

I completely understand come people want a child free wedding but the problem I have is that my family will be there therefore who would watch my children?? I very rarely leave them as I’m a stay at home
Mum. So I would find it difficult anyway but have attended friends weddings where we left the evening do early. I’ve never left my children over night other than when I was in labour!

My dad said he believes my sister assumed my parents in law could have them . But my sister in law lives in Holland and comes over every Christmas with her 3 children and stays with my parents in law ( who live an hour away). There’s no room For our children too and certainly no room here and I couldn’t expect my
Parents in law to leave them at their house and they come here. They only come over for 5 days as they have to return for new year( her husband is a policeman and they have to work New Year’s Eve)

Basically I’m not sure what I’m suppose to do. I can’t levae my children with anyway but obviously wouldn’t want to
Miss her wedding. At the same time I’m really annoyed she has put me
In this situation.

Am I being unreasonable? I know my children are young but they are all really well behaved children. They always have been. The eldest two are in School and the teachers love them- hard working and polite children. My youngest is lovely- they all are. I could maybe understand the no children rule a tad more if they were bonkers ;)

OP posts:

RavenWings · 07/12/2017 23:34

She's not unreasonable to want a child free wedding, you're not unreasonable to find it difficult. And of course her daughter is going - that's her child! It is not in any way equivalent to your children, as much as she may love them.

She doesn't want your kids there,that's very fair, no matter how well behaved they are. As suggested above either don't go, or book a babysitter via hotel. But there is no need for drama. But this is not your day, don't try to bend it to your wishes. Even if it's a second wedding (and what the fuck difference that makes, I don't see!).

bastardkitty · 07/12/2017 23:38

She has chosen what she wanted. You can choose for yourself. I wouldn't go. But I think going alone for the ceremony only could be an option. I wouldn't worry about your sister's reaction. She doesn't care about yours.

bastardkitty · 07/12/2017 23:39

Oh and I would ignore any posts that mention 'drama'. Ridiculous

tampinfuminragin · 07/12/2017 23:39

Don't go.

RainbowWish · 07/12/2017 23:44

Since the weather is so unpredictable thus time of year and so close to Christmas I wouldn't travel for anyone's wedding regardless of if my kids were coming or not.
What would happen if you got there and got snowed out
I know it's extreme (but that's just how my luck is. Thankfully I can laugh about it )
I would send you best wishes and love to her and stay at home with my family and enjoy the holidays.

Original poster

niklew · 08/12/2017 13:08

Thank you all for your messages.

I know a year notice is allot but I can’t create an extra family member to watch the children. Unfortunately the location isn’t in a hotel- they will get married there and have a reception but a bus etc to a local hotel. I don’t know all the ins and outs yet as I haven’t been told yet.

If she invited all the children from the family there would be 5.

I have also found out my step brother and sister aren’t invited .. I suppose that’s worse than my children ..

Thank you again all- I just wanted some neutral thoughts and to see if I was being a bit unreasonable.

OP posts:

Tinselistacky · 08/12/2017 13:20

I wouldn't attend tbh. Her own nieces /nephew's and she doesn't want them there is crappy. And the step sibling thing is beyond hurtful.

At least you know where you all stand and can send 'apologies' and a card.
Likely she will turn all Bridezilla before too long and you will be glad to not be a part of it.

Don't allow your dm to make you feel shit for not attending - after all she has respected your dsis wishes so she needs to respect yours.
Have a week end away with dh and dc instead!

FlashTheSloth · 08/12/2017 22:43

I would struggle to want to attend my siblings wedding if they excluded my children tbh. I understand friends or distant family wanting child free weddings or only certain children invited, but nieces and nephews, nope, I'd expect them to be invited. The step sibling thing is also really shitty. The date is also crap. She may find people aren't willing to travel that close to Christmas.

Whatififall · 08/12/2017 22:48

I would not go to my brother's wedding if he excluded my DD.

BishBoshBashBop · 08/12/2017 22:50

think choosing a date 3 days before Christmas is going to put a lot of people off

I doubt it.

I've been to a few Christmas weddings and all well attended.

FreshStartToday · 08/12/2017 22:56

She really hasn't thought it through, or at least hasn't been able to put herself in your shoes, has she?

Is it in a nice place/somewhere your kids might like to visit? I'm wondering if you could all travel together and then your dh take the kids to the cinema/a castle/a museum while you go to the ceremony. Then you all potter home, stopping to eat en route, leaving her to the celebrations. Yes it would be a pain to drive for three hours each way, but it would minimise the pain of either refusing or of having to leave your children, give everyone a pre-Christmas outing. You might even split the journey and travel the night before - a family room in a travellodge has always been my kids idea of a real treat We get fish and chips en route, take board games, and they snuggle down on the pull out beds . . . . Oh, and take bowls, cereal and a large bottle of milk (which you leave in the car as the room is too hot) to save on breakfast for 5!

Best of luck

hatty44 · 08/12/2017 22:58

You have a year and you don’t think you can plan anything?
Can you seriously not think about finding a babysitter now that you could work up enough trust with to leave them with? What do you do for evening babysitting, is it only your family who babysits?
Anyway I would have thought for a night it would be really fun for them to bunk down with their cousins at PIL’s house, they will be old enough to think it’s a great adventure...

BIWI · 08/12/2017 23:00

If you really want to go you have plenty of time to find a good baby sitter that you can trust by then.

Can't see what the problem is.

scrabbler3 · 08/12/2017 23:07

She can have the wedding she wants, and you can decline to attend. No one would be being unreasonable. You're not obliged to go.

I'd be inclined to leave DH with the kids and get a lift to/from the wedding with parents, but if that doesn't suit you, fair enough.

greendale17 · 08/12/2017 23:08

Second weddings are boring

cathyclown · 08/12/2017 23:10

So many weddings these days seem to involve journeys longer than going to Antarctica nowadays..

But then again, if it was an easy journey to the venue who would be posting for info here.

LockedOutOfMN · 08/12/2017 23:15

You have a year to find a babysitter.

Doilooklikeatourist · 08/12/2017 23:15

It doesn’t matter how much notice she’s given you
She won’t invite your children ,
You obviously can’t leave them home alone
It’s very near Christmas
You don’t have a fairy godmother to look after them
Sadly , you can’t attend
She must realise that

cathyclown · 08/12/2017 23:20

Do what your instinct tells you. That is all you really need to know.

I know what my feeling are the minute an invite arrives. That would be to do with venue, distance and a lot of other logistics too.

NotEnoughCushions · 08/12/2017 23:21

Surely the most important question is whether you want to go to this wedding or not.

If yes, then there are ways of being there as many others have described - leaving children at home with DH, just going for the day, getting a nanny at the venue, finding a babysitter over the next 12 months...

If no, then that's ok too. Send polite apologies.

greendale17 · 09/12/2017 09:38

Your sister sounds like a moron-

-Not inviting her own sisters children
-Not inviting her step brothers/ sisters
-Having a wedding so close to Christmas- never understood this. Everyone is too busy with preparing for Christmas to care about someone’s wedding

sashh · 09/12/2017 09:58

Would you stay over if your children where invited? If so take the kids to the hotel / accommodation and arrange a babysitter there.

Or book in to the accommodation and you go to the wedding, depending where and when it might be a nice day or two for your kids, most places will have something for children.

Could your step brother and/or sister have your children?

iBiscuit · 09/12/2017 10:05

I'd go on my own.

It's pretty bad that your stepsibs aren't invited though, unless there's "history".

bastardkitty · 10/12/2017 12:21

I wouldn't go down the 'can't' route. I would just decline politely. To the person who suggested that OP could ask the step-siblings who aren't invited to do the childcare - are you the actual bride?

Blackcatonthesofa · 10/12/2017 12:25

Don't you have a friend?

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