My children not invited to sister’s wedding

[niklew]

Hi all

Sorry my first time starting a post so hoping it will be in the right place...

My sister is getting married for a second time ( December 22nd 2018- just booked it). She has a 7 year old daughter from her first marriage. I have 3 children ages 2,4 and 6. Our children are good friends.

However, she has booked a wedding for next Dec and although taking my niece , has said my children are not invited. They have chosen a very small wedding at a venue 3 hours away and adults only apart from her daughter.

I completely understand come people want a child free wedding but the problem I have is that my family will be there therefore who would watch my children?? I very rarely leave them as I’m a stay at home
Mum. So I would find it difficult anyway but have attended friends weddings where we left the evening do early. I’ve never left my children over night other than when I was in labour!

My dad said he believes my sister assumed my parents in law could have them . But my sister in law lives in Holland and comes over every Christmas with her 3 children and stays with my parents in law ( who live an hour away). There’s no room For our children too and certainly no room here and I couldn’t expect my
Parents in law to leave them at their house and they come here. They only come over for 5 days as they have to return for new year( her husband is a policeman and they have to work New Year’s Eve)

Basically I’m not sure what I’m suppose to do. I can’t levae my children with anyway but obviously wouldn’t want to
Miss her wedding. At the same time I’m really annoyed she has put me
In this situation.

Am I being unreasonable? I know my children are young but they are all really well behaved children. They always have been. The eldest two are in School and the teachers love them- hard working and polite children. My youngest is lovely- they all are. I could maybe understand the no children rule a tad more if they were bonkers ;)

I still don't understand why your children can't stay with a babysitter for a few hours.

I'd go on my own and DH can have dc.

She is bonkers not to invite your kids as her daughter will be bored. But the obvious solution is to go alone as PPs have said. You will be so ready for a trip away then!

3 hours away, 3 days before Christmas - I would probably decline.

I wouldn’t go.

I wouldn’t go to a wedding 3hours away 3 days before xmas whether the kids were invited or not!

I honestly don't get this handwringing about leaving your kids with a non-family member babysitter. In this case - it's for a few hours on one night. A nanny agency would be able to help out and you would have someone perfectly safe to look after your kids for a few hours.

I can see how someone might feel like this sounded like a lame excuse and I don't think they should be obliged to plan their wedding around one of their relatives, however close, setting this sort of restriction for themselves.

Having said that - finding accommodation where you could do this, that close to Christmas and in the vicinity of the marriage location, etc may not be easy. Babysitting in a hotel room is not a goer. You could look into what is available and then decide. I'm guessing you'd prefer to be there rather than not? If she knows you're all making the effort, I can imagine on the day she may just change her mind and say bring the kids along.

It will cost a fortune just before Christmas in travel, finding somewhere to stay plus babysitter.

I'd be looking at a self-catering cottage, in other words...

It could also cost a fortune at other times with the added complication of a term time holiday, etc etc. There could be lots of inconvenient times for this to take place.

You have a year to find a babysitter. She's your sister! Surely she would be hurt if you didn't go? Ask around locally for trusted babysitters, or au pairs, or nannies, and see if you can have a few nights out in the interim so your kids get used to them.

Thank you for the suggested.

A baby sitter wouldn’t really be an option as j would be leaving Saturday morning and returning Sunday lunchtime. I think my only option would be to leave with DH.

I think she would be upset if I didn’t go but equally I think she would have to see my options are pretty limited. I hadn’t thought of the travelling etc so close to Christmas -at the moment I am leaning more towards staying at home with my children and DH. I think if she would want me there that much she would either have chosen a location closer where a babysitter would be an option or even a better date to make it more doable ( the idea of a cottage etc for a weekend was good but near Xmas would be a nightmare).

Thank you though for the opinions- it is interesting to read the different responses!

Ps

Sorry for the typos!

C'mon! It's a second wedding and she's having some do that involves travel 3 days before Xmas? Who plans an entire fucking year for a second wedding? And all this 'You have a year to plan/hire a sitter/rope in a friend (who is going to want to babysit 3 kids 3 days before Xmas because OP's sister is some bridezilla on her second wedding?)?

Don't go! It's not practical. Tell her to trot down the Registry Office and shut up.

Don't stress at all! Just accept you're not going. If she asks, tell her. Not going, can't get childcare. 'But you can get a friend/hire a sitter/leave them with DH!' 'Not going, doesn't work for us.'

It might be the grooms first wedding. What is all this 2nd wedding bollocks, as if they don't matter at all?
Go on your own, OP, it's hardly a big deal. She is your sister.

And why should she invite step siblings to a small family wedding?

It might be the grooms first wedding. What is all this 2nd wedding bollocks, as if they don't matter at all?

^ I agree.

Don't go! It's not practical. Tell her to trot down the Registry Office and shut up.

Plain nasty tbh.

Say no and that you don’t have anyone to leave the children with.

She can’t have a wedding 3 hours away, invite your family but ban your kids and then get cross when you have no one to leave them with. Well, she can, but if she does-she is being ridiculous!

And? It's still 3 days before Xmas, hours away and no kids. Still doesn't work for the OP. Say no.

Leave children with DH and go to your sister's wedding

My stepbrother is getting married next year at an awkward location for us and an awkward date and with no children, so im either not going to go, or im going to leave kids with dp, which is a shame, as dp gets on really well with stepbrother, but if they dont want kids and are having it at the other side of the country so people cant just get a normal babysitter, then thats up to him. I feel like its a bit like giving us the finger, but i know he doesnt mean that. Im very tempted to just not go, because its going to be a massive faff and expense for us

I think that close to Christmas I would be saying “thanks for the invite - sorry I can’t make it”.

It's her second wedding.

How is that relevant? Is a second wedding so much less valid than the first?

If people want to make a great fuss about second third fourth fifth and so on weddings that's up to them. But I don't think they can expect as much enthusiasm from would be guests. I would make an extra effort for a first wedding but not for subsequent ones. And having it so close to Christmas is a bit inconsiderate. Fair enough do all these things but don't whine if people turn down the invitations.

If it were any other time of year I'd suggest leaving DP with the kids and go on your own, but at Christmas time I'd not be prepared to split up the family, I would just politely decline.