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Original poster

My children not invited to sister’s wedding

128 replies

niklew · 07/12/2017 22:40

Hi all

Sorry my first time starting a post so hoping it will be in the right place...

My sister is getting married for a second time ( December 22nd 2018- just booked it). She has a 7 year old daughter from her first marriage. I have 3 children ages 2,4 and 6. Our children are good friends.

However, she has booked a wedding for next Dec and although taking my niece , has said my children are not invited. They have chosen a very small wedding at a venue 3 hours away and adults only apart from her daughter.

I completely understand come people want a child free wedding but the problem I have is that my family will be there therefore who would watch my children?? I very rarely leave them as I’m a stay at home
Mum. So I would find it difficult anyway but have attended friends weddings where we left the evening do early. I’ve never left my children over night other than when I was in labour!

My dad said he believes my sister assumed my parents in law could have them . But my sister in law lives in Holland and comes over every Christmas with her 3 children and stays with my parents in law ( who live an hour away). There’s no room For our children too and certainly no room here and I couldn’t expect my
Parents in law to leave them at their house and they come here. They only come over for 5 days as they have to return for new year( her husband is a policeman and they have to work New Year’s Eve)

Basically I’m not sure what I’m suppose to do. I can’t levae my children with anyway but obviously wouldn’t want to
Miss her wedding. At the same time I’m really annoyed she has put me
In this situation.

Am I being unreasonable? I know my children are young but they are all really well behaved children. They always have been. The eldest two are in School and the teachers love them- hard working and polite children. My youngest is lovely- they all are. I could maybe understand the no children rule a tad more if they were bonkers ;)

OP posts:
TheCatIsMyEnemy · 11/12/2017 15:09

If people want to make a great fuss about second third fourth fifth and so on weddings that's up to them. But I don't think they can expect as much enthusiasm from would be guests

Really? So if I marry my partner I can expect people to be lukewarm about it? Bearing in mind he was married to his first wife for nine months and had no children nor owned property with her, whereas I am the mother of his son, have been with him for longer and own a house with him?

Charming.

BritInUS1 · 11/12/2017 15:22

I would go

You have a year to find someone you are happy to leave the children with, and it's for one night.

curryforbreakfast · 11/12/2017 15:34

And? It's still 3 days before Xmas, hours away and no kids. Still doesn't work for the OP. Say no

Well first of all some of us actually put ourselves out for family, and secondly it's a year away, she can't possibly know whether it will work for her or not yet.

expatinscotland · 11/12/2017 15:42

'Really? So if I marry my partner I can expect people to be lukewarm about it?'

Yeah, really. I've been married more than once myself. Really wouldn't expect anyone to be over-enthusiastic if we'd chose to have some big do for our wedding, DH was in agreement, even though it was his first time being married. If you want to have a big do, fair play, but a lot of people just don't see the fuss when it's second/third/whatever time round.

'and secondly it's a year away, she can't possibly know whether it will work for her or not yet.'

Because she doesn't want to leave her kids and travel 6 hours 3 days before Xmas. So therefore, it doesn't work for her.

curryforbreakfast · 11/12/2017 15:42

No not really. Only by people who don't care much about you.

curryforbreakfast · 11/12/2017 15:43

Because she doesn't want to leave her kids and travel 6 hours 3 days before Xmas. So therefore, it doesn't work for her

Like I said, its a year away. She might be desperate to get away from them for a night by then. How would you know?

expatinscotland · 11/12/2017 15:46

'Well first of all some of us actually put ourselves out for family, '

Then sign yourself up to go to a family wedding 3 days before Xmas and leave your kids and polish your halo. Not going doesn't make the OP a morally inferior person.

expatinscotland · 11/12/2017 15:47

'Like I said, its a year away. She might be desperate to get away from them for a night by then. How would you know?'

She says she knows, I'm assuming she knows herself, being an adult woman with three kids Hmm. But by all means, continue judging the woman if it makes you feel better.

expatinscotland · 11/12/2017 15:49

'No not really. Only by people who don't care much about you.'

Okay, then, feel free to judge people who don't bend over backwards to get to your wedding, if you ever have one, as uncaring and awful. Some people just don't get the fuss about second/third/fourth/etc weddings. You see that as a moral failing, well, have at it then.

curryforbreakfast · 11/12/2017 15:50

I'm not judging her, I'm judging you.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 11/12/2017 15:52

My brother did this. I left my son with dh and went. It was a 3 hour drive each way so I went for ceremony and left before speeches. It sucked going alone and not drinking, and all that driving on my own, but I was happy to be there for him. Other siblings, further away (and with kids) didn't attend.

expatinscotland · 11/12/2017 15:54

'I'm not judging her, I'm judging you.'

Um, okay, go right ahead, if it makes you feel better, dear Confused Hmm.

TheLastSoala · 11/12/2017 15:59

I assume I missed the post where you explained this.. but if can’t use a babysitter. Why not just leave your DCs with your DH and go alone.

I’d be massively pissed if my DSis didn’t come to my wedding because she couldn’t stand to be away from her DCs for 24 hours.

curryforbreakfast · 11/12/2017 16:04

Why would I need to feel better? I'm not the one telling everyone that second weddings are a waste of time and family doesn't matter, only yourself.
Sounds like you're the one with the issues.

Kr1st1na · 11/12/2017 16:07

Just go and leave your kids with their father. I’m sure he will enjoy having some quality time with them and getting ready for Christmas.

Most men need a lot more practice at preparing for Christmas, you are doing him a favour and keeping your family happy. And having two nights peace without your kids. What’s not to like ?

It’s only three hours away, that’s not very far . You will be back by lunchtime on the 23rd.

HerRoyalNotness · 11/12/2017 16:14

I'd consider not going or if it's a lovely place where there might be hope of snow I'd book a weekend in a cottage for my family, all travel up, go to wedding alone then enjoy the rest of the weekend with my family.

Blackteadrinker77 · 11/12/2017 16:16

I wouldn't go.

It is her choice who to invite but it is the invitees choice whether to accept the invitation.

expatinscotland · 11/12/2017 16:49

Nope, no issues at all. But hey, carry on, seems to help you along Hmm.

Howsthings1234 · 11/12/2017 16:50

I'd be so hurt if my sister didn't want my kids, her niece or nephews, at her wedding. Sorry but I would be really angry - it's family!!

I would also be upset if my option was to leave my husband at home - he too is family and I would hope my sister would want him there.

Basically I would say something or just not go.

RestingGrinchFace · 11/12/2017 16:51

You have a valid reason not to go, she will understand.

curryforbreakfast · 11/12/2017 16:51

Nope, no issues at all. But hey, carry on, seems to help you along hmm

No idea what your beef is, do you hate everyone?

ragged · 11/12/2017 16:56

What's the AIBU?
All your options are fine, OP. So do what feels right to you.
I would plan a Saturday night away from parenting. That's a mini-holiday in my mind.

Lucked · 11/12/2017 16:57

I would try and sort something, I know your in laws will have a full house but with SIL staying to help they could do a big sleepover and have the kids bed down together - yes it will be awful but possibly in a fun way for the kids and their cousins and it is one night. At least approach your in laws and SIL this Christmas to see if they have any ideas.

if You leave at 7 the next morning you could be back straight after breakfast the next day.

BenLui · 11/12/2017 16:59

I’d be quietly very hurt and annoyed but I’d leave DH with the kids and attend alone.

I would absolutely make sure I was not expected to look after or otherwise entertain my niece at the wedding though.

JaneEyre70 · 11/12/2017 17:04

I wouldn't go. Sorry, but she's being a bitch. Who takes their own kid and leaves out others when they are family. As others say on here all the time, an invite is just that - not a summons.

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