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Weddings

To not want to "now kiss the bride"

134 replies

Rainbowsandunicorns88 · 01/05/2017 10:04

We're arguing about this. we got the script from the registrar to complete for the ceremony. Kissing at the end of the service is optional on the form. My thinking is that I want our first kiss as husband and wife to be private and personal not in front of 70 onlookers. He wants "tradition" when ffs it's 2017.

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Rainbowsandunicorns88 · 01/05/2017 13:00

Lots of people on here agree! Dp is of the mind that we should follow tradition: girl walks down aisle, everyone eyeboggles us, kiss, applause, confetti, staged photos, speeches, cake cutting, first dance. It's like some sort of textbook formula... some of those I'm going along with to keep him happy but kissing in front of an audience is something I'm adamant I do not want to do.

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Piratesandpants · 01/05/2017 13:12

I'm astonished at this thread. As someone else said, getting married is one huge PDA! What on earth is the big deal about a quick peck on the lips or cheek? Has anyone ever thought anything of it?

user1493022461 · 01/05/2017 13:13

If PDA's are mortifying wtf are you having a wedding with guests, which is the ultimate PDA?

Rainbowsandunicorns88 · 01/05/2017 13:17

It's just the kiss part. It's mortifying. I hate seeing other people kiss and don't expect for a second for any of our guests to want to watch us!

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BadToTheBone · 01/05/2017 13:26

I think you're overthinking it. I'm not a pda type person but it's only s quick peck fgs. No other symbolism than that.

hippyhippyshake · 01/05/2017 13:29

It's such a yuck thing to say. And right up there with asking the bride's father for permission, being given away, changing surname, wearing white etc etc. Yes, it IS 2017 but not in wedding world where 'but it's TRADITIONAL' gets wailed. If you are compromising on other aspects the least dp can do is agree to that statement being omitted.

Rainbowsandunicorns88 · 01/05/2017 13:32

Is a peck on the cheek awkward? We're not standing at the aisle, we're sitting.

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Xmasbaby11 · 01/05/2017 13:33

It's just a quick kiss on the lips. How is it totally mortifying?

Unless you made a massive effort not to kiss each other until you're alone at the end of the night, you're likely to kiss at some point in the day anyway in public.

I'm not into pda at all but if you didn't kiss at some point on your wedding day I'd find that a bit odd.

Rainbowsandunicorns88 · 01/05/2017 13:34

Of course we'll kiss, we'll just find private moments through the day.

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Xmasbaby11 · 01/05/2017 13:36

There's no bigger pda than declaring your love in front of an audience!

Rainbowsandunicorns88 · 01/05/2017 13:39

I don't want to kiss in front of other people!!! It's embarrassing. It's cringey. Kissing should be private. I'm sure of my opinion. I came here because dp and I are arguing over it. I didn't come here to argue with strangers!

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Ceto · 01/05/2017 13:43

Why is giving someone a quick peck on the lips private? People do it all the time in public.

I'm sure of my opinion. I came here because dp and I are arguing over it. I didn't come here to argue with strangers!

You head your thread "To not want to "now kiss the bride"" - a way of framing the question which, round here at least, implies that it is preceded by "AIBU". If you didn't want to argue about the point, that isn't the way to put it.

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2017 13:48

Love the thought of a high five OP

However, I'm not sure what you meant by "He wants "tradition" when ffs it's 2017."

Liking traditional things, has nothing to do with what year it is.

Good luck with the wedding and whatever you both decide

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2017 13:49

Plus it's only a quick peck on the lips.

Unless the registrar says, "You may now eat the bride".

Rainbowsandunicorns88 · 01/05/2017 13:50

Thanks Worra

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Rainbowsandunicorns88 · 01/05/2017 13:50

Quick peck on the lips has been mentioned over and over. What's wrong with the cheek?

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ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 01/05/2017 13:52

To diffuse the argument with your dp, the solution is for both of you to compromise. Accept an alternative that you're both reasonably happy with. A kiss on the cheek or something.

Ceto · 01/05/2017 13:52

Fine, make it the cheek if that's what you prefer. I really don't understand what you find so embarrassing about this. Do you cringe at, for instance, people kissing their loved ones when they meet them at airports?

KoolKoala07 · 01/05/2017 13:53

Me and Dh just kissed on the lips. Like a peck. That was the only kiss we had all day, we didn't have the chance for another kiss because we were too busy.

OlennasWimple · 01/05/2017 13:54

Don't do anything that will make you feel really uncomfortable

But at pretty much all the weddings I've been too, the kiss has sort of broken the tension and marked the move from the solemn bits of the service to something more upbeat and celebratory

ADisappearingDreamOfYesterday · 01/05/2017 13:56

I think you should fist bump each other

If you're having the works anyway, I would just do a quick peck on the lips and then have your first married passionate snog (I cringed a bit writing that) in private later?

I get where you're coming from. We had a very small wedding and definitely no first dance stuff as luckily DH felt the same, however when we had actually finished the ceremony we did hug each other and kiss briefly on lips, but I don't remember them saying "you may now..." bit. I think it was just spontaneous. I surprised myself by really enjoying my wedding and I was a bit reluctant to do the whole marriage thing beforehand. I'm really very glad we did do it though.

If your DP wants the whole traditional shebang and you don't, is this kiss thing perhaps representative of you generally feeling a bit uncomfortable? Is he compromising at all so you will get a wedding you will both enjoy and feel comfortable with?

Rainbowsandunicorns88 · 01/05/2017 13:59

I have major social anxiety. I've already had to negotiate not walking down the aisle. I HATE being centre of attention. Omg the thought gives me palpitations. I've chosen some stuff that yes dp has had to settle with. I've chosen the venue and suppliers for example. He's said he'll kiss my forehead and then see if I'm relaxed enough to let him kiss me.

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WorraLiberty · 01/05/2017 14:00

Nothing wrong with the cheek if that's what you both want to do.

Are you having last minute nerves?

You seem to be putting an awful lot of thought into something fairly trivial, in the grand scheme of things.

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2017 14:01

Ahh X posted.

In your shoes I would probably have tried to persuade my future DH, to go for a private wedding, with just two witnesses.

BuzzKillington · 01/05/2017 14:06

You want 'for our first kiss for it to be intimate and passionate as you only get that first kiss once'?

You've already got kids! It's hardly a new thing.

A quick peck - it's not like it's hugely significant.

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