Please talk to me about your secret wedding.

[gaggiagirl]

I'll be as brief as possible.
DP and me are shy, introverted, unsociable 😀 private people.
I am very pregnant with our third DC.
We want to be married. We don't want a big fuss made. We are cringing at the thought of getting married in front of anyone people.
So we've booked a week day morning register office ceremony for just us two and two.witnesses.

If I tell my parents I know for a fact thatI.would hear the following..... .
You have to invite xxxxx
You have to have a party
You can't wear that
You have to tell xxxxxx
They just wouldn't respect our wishes for a private, zero fuss legal whatnot.

I confided in my sister. My sister said.....
You can't get married like that.
Why not ask xxxxxx to pay for it so you can have a bigger do.
You have to have a cake.
You have to have...etc etc.

Urgh. Just talk to me about it. I really don't want to upset anyone. I just want my wedding my own way.

Go for it.

One of my favourite threads when I first joined MN (a long time ago) was a lady who did this and some lovely mumsnetters went and met her at the registry office to be her witnesses, we all followed it on the thread and waited for someone to pop up and tell us they were married, it was marvellous.

You must absolutely do what makes you happy, you will remember saying your vows to each other for such a long time, better to remember it as something you enjoyed not something you endured!

Notice given! The register office was very helpful indeed. They printed a birth certificate off for DP then we went straight up to give notice. I had no idea they would take us in separately for that. Who knew?!

Exciting! Have you set a date and decided on what you're doing?

Yes it's in 4 weeks. We turn up in the morning do the getting married thing with our witnesses, grab the kids and go for a massive lunch at an American diner type place.
Then come home and snuggle with the children. Maybe watch a film.
Me and my new DH will not be doing any wedding sex though I'm on a medically enforced sex ban 😭

Yes they see you separately to check you are not being forced into marriage!

Sounds absolutely lovely, OP. Good luck!

Sounds lovely apart from consummating but I guess you've done that bit in advance

Is it true, if a marriage isn't consummated it isn't legal, or something similar?
I don't think we can do it til after DC3 is born. Then he's booked in for the snip........good lord it'll be 2017!!!!!!!!

Non-consummation is one of the possible grounds for annulment.

A bit like a faulty button is a permitted reason to return a pair of trousers. Doesn't mean you hadn't actually bought them in the first place.

I see the midwife a week before the wedding. I'm going to ask her to check how my cervix is and see if Im allowed wedding sex.

Hi folks, we're just going to move this over to the wedding topic at the OP's request.

Thanks Katherine!!! 😍

I think this thread would be really helpful for anyone planning a quiet wedding or anyone who gets cold sweats at big weddings. It's been so lovely to read about everyone's experiences.

We got married on 2nd June in Gibraltar. The photographer and wedding planner were our witnesses and there were no guests. Our parents and siblings knew we were getting married but there was no danger of anyone except my parents contemplating joining us, and my dad was away that day at the TT anyway. I didn't tell anyone at work until we got back.

We had the most amazing day. We travelled all over Gibraltar in a vintage Citroen with the photographer and got stunning shots with Spain and Morocco in the background. We had a blessing in the Anglican Cathedral and even went up the rock in the cable car. The weather was glorious. It was all perfect. We stayed there for six nights altogether, three before the ceremony and three after.

I wasn't pregnant (I'm 48!!) but it was not the first wedding for either of us and we wanted to do it our way.

I hope you have a lovely day gaggiagirl

We're having a not-so-secret wedding that is just the two of us. We looked at various venues that we just didn't think were 'us' (and cost an absolute fortune), then my mum started with "you'll need to invite so-and-so", then DPs mum said "if your dad is going, I'm not" (his mum & dad are separated and do not get on). We've both got children to exes, and while my relationship with my ex is ok, DPs ex can be very unreasonable, and upped the smart comments and personal insults about me after DPs son knew we were getting married (and presumably told his mum) so we're not sure she would allow his son to come (complicated backstory, but DP's ex already had a child when she met DP. He took this boy on as his own and this boy calls him 'Dad' and now she's stopped us seeing him, saying "I can't legally stop you seeing A but I can B" so she definitely wouldn't let him come).

So as it stood, my parents would be there, my children would be there and his would not. So both said we wished we could just do it as the two of us. I spoke to my parents and our children and all supported us so we looked into it further and put together our own wedding as the "just the two of us" packages at hotels seemed expensive.

We're getting married at a registry office in the city we had our first date in & have the night before & the night of the wedding booked in a beautiful country hotel, where we have a private dining room/snug room booked for the duration of our wedding day. I have a gorgeous dress, and we'll have a small wedding cake, first dance and we're writing speeches for each other, then we're going to Bruges for a couple of days.

We are having a "reception" a week later as a compromise for the kids. They've got a bridesmaid dress/suits, there will be a photographer, wedding breakfast, evening do, cake etc, but this is just at a function suite in a local leisure centre and if people come, they come, and if they don't, they don't. I honestly can't wait. We're doing it our way so have tailored it perfectly for us.

fit how lovely! Bet the weather was beautiful.
lou how romantic!!!! Lovely for the kids as well to be able to join in later.

We got married on holiday last year in Devon. We did tell people beforehand , we said they were welcome to come but it's miles from our home and we carefully didn't tell people the exact when or where. Thankfully no one wanted to come. We've been together more than 20 years so we're old news, they all wished us well but I'm glad no one came.

Two of our children were our witnesses, I wore a pretty, pale pink dress and made flowers from the garden. The ceremony was very basic , about 8-10 mins I think. Then the five of us had lunch at our favourite restaurant. Went back to our holiday cottage, and dh and I took the dog for a walk down to the beach and drank a bottle of fizz on our own. The kids joined us for fish and chips on the beach later on.

It was perfect. I'm sure yours will be too op.

ffion perfect!

Since the ceremony is only 8 mins how much do we have to say? We want to say as little as possible because we cant take anything seriously and don't want to collapse in giggles.

We just said " I declare that I know of no legal reason blah blah" and then " I Ffion take you dh as my wedded dh". I have the ceremony planning doc here so I just checked. There were several choices and an extra ring vow and an additional vow if we had wanted. But we didn't.

That's great thanks ffion the registrar did ask if we were exchanging rings when we went to give notice. Eek I'm excited.

I had spent years telling dh how I didn't believe you needed to be married to have a committed relationship etc. So I knew he would never propose. After ds was born and when I knew we would probably want another child, all the practical benefits of marriage became very clear. So I proposed to dh and after I convinced him I wasn't taking the piss we planned a very low key wedding.

I have a huge messy family, lots of siblings half siblings even a step, then there are a multitude of uncles and aunts and nephews and neices. Dh has a tiny family and is pretty introverted, I was never going to put him through the ordeal of a big wedding. So we told no oone until a few weeks before when I told my younger siblings and my mum (she is a widow so I wanted her to have company) and dhs parents. No one else knew til after.
It was a registry office with the basic vows, then a meal at a nice restaurant and him for cake. We chose ds 1st birthday as the wedding date so he would be the focus. Our wedding cake was a chocolate cake in the shape of a 1. I had a nice surprise the next morning as I did a positive pregnancy test so dd1 followed in 8 months!

Congrats on your wedding op I hope it goes very well, it sounds like you have a lovely plan

flem it's nice to make kids the focus. DD will be getting all the fun on our wedding day. She's requested a spongebob wedding cake like the one she had for her birthday so we might as well!

Fitbit Congratulations! We're getting married in Gibraltar in September! We've not planned photos or a wedding planner, the idea is to just ask two kindly looking people to be our witnesses for the ceremony. DP is a little wary of this plan but I'm convinced it'll be ok (please reassure us if you can!!). We've not told anyone and it is the first time for both of us, I'm really excited about it.

We did it had a lovely stress free laid back day. The kids loved it and looked sweet. The meal was fab and made extra special by the staff there.
I emailed family straight after explaining everything and everyone was really happy for us.

Congratulations! So pleased it went well for you all.

Congrats