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Weddings

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Original poster

Please talk to me about your secret wedding.

79 replies

gaggiagirl · 03/07/2016 19:35

I'll be as brief as possible.
DP and me are shy, introverted, unsociable 😀 private people.
I am very pregnant with our third DC.
We want to be married. We don't want a big fuss made. We are cringing at the thought of getting married in front of anyone people.
So we've booked a week day morning register office ceremony for just us two and two.witnesses.

If I tell my parents I know for a fact thatI.would hear the following..... .
You have to invite xxxxx
You have to have a party
You can't wear that
You have to tell xxxxxx
They just wouldn't respect our wishes for a private, zero fuss legal whatnot.

I confided in my sister. My sister said.....
You can't get married like that.
Why not ask xxxxxx to pay for it so you can have a bigger do.
You have to have a cake.
You have to have...etc etc.

Urgh. Just talk to me about it. I really don't want to upset anyone. I just want my wedding my own way.

OP posts:

Original poster

gaggiagirl · 03/07/2016 21:57

These are great! Keep them coming!
We plan to go to huckleberrys diner for our lunch afterwards, it's a man versus food style restaurant. Might do a food challenge for fun!

OP posts:

Original poster

gaggiagirl · 03/07/2016 22:01

Pink jeans! Yesss!
The register office won't let the children in with us because we haven't booked the ceremony room, only the office. So it's just us and the witnesses. I would have liked the kids there but they are too young to appreciate it anyway.

OP posts:

Reluctant2ndtimer · 03/07/2016 22:02

Tell your sister it's cancelled or postponed and don't tell anyone else! I made the mistake of telling a friend of 1 witness and my work colleagues. Friend of witness turned up outside the registry office, took photos and came round later with a framed picture of me and DH. I thought this was really thoughtful of her but later found out that she'd also posted a 'Reluctant's wedding' album on fucking Facebook! 😱
Colleagues also laid in wait outside the registry office so are in all said photos. I wish I'd not told a single soul and just got strangers from the street to be witnesses.

Hidingtonothing · 03/07/2016 22:11

I wore a long, off white dress, not a wedding dress as such but still wedding-y iyswim DH was suited and booted and the lovely ladies who were our witnesses organised a little bouquet for me and some button holes for them and DH. It made it more like a 'proper' wedding I guess but tbh I'd have been just as happy in jeans with no flowers, that stuff just wasn't/isn't important to me and it meant we got stared at in the pub when we went for lunch afterwards The staff and some customers were all asking if we'd just got married (and obviously thought we were a bit weird for not doing things the 'normal' way) which was still more attention than I was really comfortable with if I'm honest.

AugustRose · 03/07/2016 22:13

I wore a black suit with a green top, it looked more like I was going to a funeral! . In my defence it was the only thing I could find to fit in the 1 hour slot I had without a 3 week old baby hanging off a boob

FaFoutis · 03/07/2016 22:20

I got married on Christmas eve at a registry office with no guests, we didn't tell anyone. I was very pregnant & wore a maternity denim skirt & black top. No flowers and no rings. The registry office made us choose music so we chose Christmas music. Witnesses were work colleagues we asked on the day.
We went for lunch afterwards & phoned the parents from there. Because it was christmas eve everyone was busy so we almost completely got away with it. Only my mum was briefly sad about it, not for long though, she is the only one who sends us anniversary cards.

Bellatrixandstrange · 04/07/2016 09:16

I've just booked a runaway wedding. After we got engaged lots of friends and family started asking what we had planned and we were both very open and said we would elope some time. Everyone has been very accepting apart from his mum. My view is it's none of her business and if she wants a relationship with the grandchildren then she had better get over it. I have a theory, the big expensive weddings that I have been to have ended very quickly in divorce. As I want a long happy marriage I don't want to spend much money at all. Your plans sound perfect because it is what you both want. Enjoy.

Original poster

gaggiagirl · 04/07/2016 09:18

reluctant that sounds hideous I would hate that! Sounds like you took it well though.
A Christmas eve wedding sounds lush.

Can I ask how long the quicky ceremony lasts for? Someone up thread said 8 mins is that about right?

OP posts:

CatherineDeB · 04/07/2016 09:21

Just do it OP. Ours wasn't a secret, we didn't get engaged, just booked the registry office, invited my best friend and her husband, told everyone (and how we were doing it), booked two cars and a fantastic restaurant and had a lovely day, just the four of us.

I didn't bother with music or anything else, just turned up and signed on the dotted line.

Wouldn't change a thing if I went back and did it again.

I wore a simple silk shift dress, DH casual trousers and a checked shirt. No ties.

Fourormore · 04/07/2016 09:22

We were going to do it secret with witnesses off the street but in the end we told our family. We were really firm, we were just having parents and siblings, that was it. It was just in a registry office with a nice lunch afterwards in a posh restaurant with a private dining room. Any objections were met with "This is what we've chosen to do", "Yes, that sounds nice but this is what we've chosen to do", "I see what you're saying but this is what we've chosen to do"... And so on.

I thought I might regret only having a small do but it was a wonderful day and I wouldn't have changed a thing

Original poster

gaggiagirl · 04/07/2016 09:23

Bella well said! X

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CatherineDeB · 04/07/2016 09:23

It was quick , ours took longer because we didn't have any cash with us for the certificate so had to go and ask our friends, same again when we said yes to wanting another copy - had to go back out and ask them for £2.10!

CheeseFan · 04/07/2016 09:26

My parents got married in secret. They just had their two best friends at the registry office as witnesses. Afterwards they went to the pub and had KFC and champagne. I think it's really romantic!

Do whatever makes you happy, it's your day.

ArmfulOfRoses · 04/07/2016 09:40

I'd tell your sister that you've been thinking and maybe she's right, chuck in a couple of links to venues/dresses if you want asking what she thinks of this or that, asking if she wants to look at anything with you on a date after the ceremony

Original poster

gaggiagirl · 04/07/2016 20:04

armful that would be a terrible thing to do..........but I think I like it

Do I have to take money for the certificate? How much is it these days?

OP posts:

Florabella22 · 04/07/2016 20:52

We had our runaway wedding a couple of weeks ago, mainly because of family conflict and not being able to please everyone. We told our closest family only a couple of days beforehand. Both our mothers were disappointed but we stood firm and got on with it. The day was absolutely perfect, we were relaxed, chilled and the the whole event was just about us. The registrar gave us really informal vows and it was incredibly romantic, I wouldn't have changed a single thing. My advice is try to get plenty of photos taken, we've spent lots of time showing our loved ones how our day was spent and they've appreciated being able to see it.
So many people have said they wished they'd done the same instead of having a circus of a day. Google runaway weddings, there's a couple of places across the UK that provide the whole shebang with little stress for you. Good luck, it'll be amazing!

trafalgargal · 04/07/2016 20:58

My parents told no one except my Dads eldest sister.
Left us 2 kids with a babysitter met sister at the registry office grabbed a random for the 2nd witness got married ,went home for lunch and finished packing up as we'd sold our house and new one wasn't going to be ready for a month. That night Dad waved us (Mum and kids) off on the Irish mail train to stay with family in Ireland for a month. He had the furniture put into storage the next day and moved into digs as he couldn't get the time off work. So they never even had a wedding night.

SuperSange · 04/07/2016 21:00

We went to Gretna and didn't tell anyone until after it was done. We did the white dress/piper/chapel thing, just with no guests. It was so romantic and relaxing!! I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

trafalgargal · 04/07/2016 21:02

They had the happiest marriage of anyone I know and were like kids together kissing and cuddling right up until my Dad died ..in fact the night he died he gave my Mum a kiss got up out of the chair to let the cat in and dropped dead of an entirely unexpected heart attack.

Maybe the less you spend on the wedding day the better the marriage has some truth to it.

Original poster

gaggiagirl · 04/07/2016 21:52

trafalgar I'm so sorry about your dad. What a lovely story though. You must have lots of great memories of him.

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ConciousUncoupling · 06/07/2016 20:50

We did tell everyone but we, 2 witnesses and their spouses went to registry with our 2 children. We had the ceremony with some flowers and a photographer (which i'm really pleased we did have) and then we all had a cream tea.

After all that, our friends came home with us and we had Dominos and all done by about 8pm for children to go to bed!

Original poster

gaggiagirl · 06/07/2016 21:40

Ooh a dominos! Yum! Sounds like a lovely day.
I had word today that my sister did indeed tell my mam. My mam was neither surprised nor upset so......yaaaaay! She doesn't the date still though.

OP posts:

Fallstar · 06/07/2016 21:49

Go for it, gaggiagirl!

We did, and have never regretted it. It was just us and two witnesses. We didn't actually tell our families until months later. They were happy for us (except SIL, who came over all passive-aggressive, but she does that about everything...)

We wore smart-ish casual - clothes we were comfortable in - and went for a curry afterwards. Oh, and we bought a small Tesco celebration cake because we like cake.

Some people want a big wedding, which is lovely if that's right for them, but it would have been a nightmare for us as we're not big party people.

Ultimately, whatever kind of wedding you have, it's the marriage that's important. So do what makes you happy.

Original poster

gaggiagirl · 07/07/2016 13:23

Slight bump in the road! We are going to give our notice of marriage today. I told DP to gather his paper work together and HE DOESN'T HAVE A BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!!!!!!!! He's down there now trying to get one. Our appointment is at 14:15 I feel sick

OP posts:

ConciousUncoupling · 07/07/2016 20:05

Hope you got it all sorted. Our registry office were very helpful.

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