Top tips for how to be most irratating Wedding guest?

[JennyNanny]

My cousin is getting married soon and me and the OH are invited along with a reluctant posse of family.
I don't really like my cousin, he is Smug. (Politer words than used by my mother who managed to slip in several expletives)
The wedding will surely be a celebration of him (not their undying love) and no doubt will involve various Smug events and activities.
The password to his wedding site is "awesome" and as a female guest I have been advised to wear flat shoes due to some mysterious "surprise" reception activity that the more I think about the more nervous I get.
Will we have to, for example, catch the run away bride who suddenly realises what she is doing?


Anyway, any passive-aggressive tips that I can use to ease the horror? Perhaps wearing a canary yellow dress, clownish make up and an insistance to be at the front of every picture?

[JennyNanny1]

What if I insisted on being in ALL the pictures? Including being in the background with my canary yellow dress and phallically inspired fascinator for all of the soft focus couple shots?

[Hyperballad]

There is another post on MN today that is about someone upset that she isn't invited to her cousins wedding, so why doesn't she go in your place!

Job done, 2 more Mumsnetters happy

[Gumby]

Ha ha

I bet it's flat shoes for line dancing

Who'd want to go to a wedding in flat shoes except men?!!

[Margerykemp]

Wear black. Dye your hair black. Paint your lips black.
Get drunk and vomit on the brides dress.
Sing off key loudly in the church.
Say you object at that bit of the ceremony.
Give caneston as a gift.
Smoke during the meal and have a loud argument when asked to put it out.
Give one of the wedding party a black eye (before the photos).
Listen to loud music on iPod during the speeches/ceremony.
Take along a colicky baby. With a stinky nappy.
Demand more free drinks.
Food fight!

[sashh]

Feed a dodgy praawn sandwich to a smallish child before the ceremony so the multicoloured yawn happens during the vows.

Comment loudly as the bride goes past about how big the dress makes her arse look.

In fact make loud comments at inapropriate times ie during the vows.

Wear a wedding dress.

Bring small girls in identical dresses and carrying flowers and push them at the bride - even better if the bride has grown up bridesmaids.

Become vegan the day before the wedding and don't tell anyone until the food arrives and complain loudly.

Talk to the DJ (if there is one) and make him/her believe the couple's favorite song is D.I.V.O.R.C.E. - they really want it for their first dance as a joke.

Phone the venue the day before and tell them the wedding is off.