Top tips for how to be most irratating Wedding guest?

[JennyNanny]

My cousin is getting married soon and me and the OH are invited along with a reluctant posse of family.
I don't really like my cousin, he is Smug. (Politer words than used by my mother who managed to slip in several expletives)
The wedding will surely be a celebration of him (not their undying love) and no doubt will involve various Smug events and activities.
The password to his wedding site is "awesome" and as a female guest I have been advised to wear flat shoes due to some mysterious "surprise" reception activity that the more I think about the more nervous I get.
Will we have to, for example, catch the run away bride who suddenly realises what she is doing?


Anyway, any passive-aggressive tips that I can use to ease the horror? Perhaps wearing a canary yellow dress, clownish make up and an insistance to be at the front of every picture?

[sashh]

Feed a dodgy praawn sandwich to a smallish child before the ceremony so the multicoloured yawn happens during the vows.

Comment loudly as the bride goes past about how big the dress makes her arse look.

In fact make loud comments at inapropriate times ie during the vows.

Wear a wedding dress.

Bring small girls in identical dresses and carrying flowers and push them at the bride - even better if the bride has grown up bridesmaids.

Become vegan the day before the wedding and don't tell anyone until the food arrives and complain loudly.

Talk to the DJ (if there is one) and make him/her believe the couple's favorite song is D.I.V.O.R.C.E. - they really want it for their first dance as a joke.

Phone the venue the day before and tell them the wedding is off.

[Margerykemp]

Wear black. Dye your hair black. Paint your lips black.
Get drunk and vomit on the brides dress.
Sing off key loudly in the church.
Say you object at that bit of the ceremony.
Give caneston as a gift.
Smoke during the meal and have a loud argument when asked to put it out.
Give one of the wedding party a black eye (before the photos).
Listen to loud music on iPod during the speeches/ceremony.
Take along a colicky baby. With a stinky nappy.
Demand more free drinks.
Food fight!

[Gumby]

Ha ha

I bet it's flat shoes for line dancing

Who'd want to go to a wedding in flat shoes except men?!!

[Hyperballad]

There is another post on MN today that is about someone upset that she isn't invited to her cousins wedding, so why doesn't she go in your place!

Job done, 2 more Mumsnetters happy

[JennyNanny1]

What if I insisted on being in ALL the pictures? Including being in the background with my canary yellow dress and phallically inspired fascinator for all of the soft focus couple shots?

[FishfingersAreOK]

Die your hair a lurid colour that will clash with the "wedding colour". Wear a different clashing colour - constantly push yourself to the front of all the photos.

Spill red wine on the wedding dress. scared I am revealing an evil side I didn't want to admit was there

Get a bloody irritating ring tone on your phone and get friends to ring you on it all day - particularly during the ceremony.

Talk very loudly to said friends on the phone calls.

[MarygoeZforgold]

Admittedly it's the other way around, but I'm sure you can adapt the suggestions.

[MarygoeZforgold]

Aha, here it is

Enjoy.

[MarygoeZforgold]

There was a fantastic thread on this in Classics. I'll try to find a link .

[SrirachaGirl]

Insist on bringing your toddler PFB to the ceremony (rather than leaving him with the experienced childcare professionals generously provided by the bride and groom) and let him run around at the front of the chapel brandishing a red lollipop near the bride's gown during the vows .

[2tired2bewitty]

Indeed, in fact to get the full effect you must then split up with the family member you were affiliated to so there is no opportunity for explanation or apology!

[JennyNanny1]

2tired2bewitty there's a story there...

[JennyNanny1]

I'm glad you don't think I'm awful! It's only a joke (but I'm sorely tempted by the friend dying in a astonishingly similar circumstance to the "surprise" activity.
I actually tried to delete the thread so not to offend (don't want to ruin my rep, yo) but only succeeded in deleting my profile... woops.

[QuickQuickSloe]

Wear the same colour as the bridesmaids accessorised with a bouquet?

[VeremyJyle]

On the same lines as bea wear a wedding dress "because you know how much he loved that Steps video to Tragedy" "he knew all the moves, so he did"

[VeremyJyle]

Wear black in homage to "that phase he went through of loving Addams Family/Rocky Horror Show" or something equally camp

[2tired2bewitty]

Become vegan, allow bride and groom to go to trouble and expense to ensure there is something for you to eat. Then fail to show up. no no, I'm not bitter

[CharlieUniformNovemberTango]

You should cry when they announce the surprise " what? Swing dancing?? My best friend just died in a tragic swing dance accident. Waaaaa"

[Beamae]

I don't think you sound dreadful! You sound like you have a sense of humour.

You should wear a long, white dress and a tiara.

[CharlieUniformNovemberTango]

Follow him around with a video camera commentating on every thing he does? "and here is the groom having a drink, oh and now he's standing here waiting, oh and now he's off for a little wander. Smile for the camera!!!!"

[EightiesOlympicGolds]

Definitely take the embarrassing childhood snaps of him along, plus any embarrassing anecdotes you can remember make up. I would aim to look smoking yourself, though you could always consider a huge satellite dish style Lady Gaga hat.

Shudder at the 'surprise' reception. Are you going to be told the food's at the top of a mountain or something? Take crampons in your handbag...

[CharlieUniformNovemberTango]

Yay! MKL I was worried I was on my own here...

[CharlieUniformNovemberTango]

Maybe you could snort and laugh at every one of his "wow me" moments and proclaim loudly " if only you guys really knew..."

[MissKeithLemon]

Take his ex as your plus one Jenny? also getting the lighthearted vibe

[CharlieUniformNovemberTango]

You could decline to eat the meal or buffet and spread out a picnic only for your family.