I think I have just about seen it all now regarding wedding gifts.

[Fimbo]

A friend of a friend was going to the Maldives and instead of gifts they asked for donations to the honeymoon to make it "as spectacular as possible".

That in itself is bad enough imvho. But then I saw the website...... A whole lot of trash about themselves and the honeymoon and a list of all these "experiences" you could buy them. Special people to carry the luggage, speedboat to get them to their villa, day trips to various places etc etc. Oh and you could paypal the money directly to them....

Grr what's wrong with a towel bale or a toaster.

My Goddaughter did this iirc. We just gave them a cheque. Agree, a nice set of mixing bowls is much more useful.

I guess as long as it's not compulsory I wouldn't care TBH. When DH and I got married we had everything we needed. I would have preferred a hol contribution to a toaster IF someone wanted to mark the occasion in that way....

Maybe they have all the towels and toasters they need. I wouldnt mind what they asked for really, as long as it didnt break my budget.

Instead of gifts. That means they don't want anything else other than the donations. That means compulsory.

That's not a request. It's a demand.

I'd give them FA. Decline the invite.

Can't afford a fucking honeymoon, don't have one!

Tacky as hell.

If you have everything you need then you don't need gifts, money, donations, etc.

When DH and I married we had 2 house loads of things - and so didn't need a 3rd toaster and no more room for mixing bowls, towels let alone Denby crockery...so yes we had a honeymoon fund (although a lot less swish than the one mentioned) however we did balance it out with a goodgifts list so people could choose. I know some people had a problem not giving us "stuff", couldn't really work out what their problem was though.

Some people find a host demanding of them is rude is all.

I wish more of these 'weddings' would just charge admission rather than backdoor money-grabbing, then invitees could just see such events for what they are: a fee-paying event, and elect to see a fee-paying event they might find more enjoyable.

uggh that's a bit tasteless of them IMO.

we had a very small wedding and as people had to travel for it we said don't worry about presents at all! and we did honestly mean it! but many gave us giftcards, which we used to get useful house stuff. the only big present we got was a magimix food processor which is completely fab. but I have to say the best present we got was a board game! totally 'us' IYSWIM :)

oh, and we couldn't afford a honeymoon - so we didn't have one. DD was 17m anyway so it wouldn't have been practical really - we just tacked an extra day on to our hotel stay, so in the end we had 4 nights.

When my cousin got married, the cheapest item on his wedding list was an £80 carving knife. There was not an option to buy just one cup or one saucer set, you had to tick the box to buy 12 of either cup and saucer set, 12 dinner plates, 12 silver spoons, etc.
Very few members of his family bought from the list. My mum gave him a lovely handcrafted tablecloth (no doubt it has been donated to charity already), I bought them an Eva Solo water carafe, with an exchange xcard inside. No way was I paying for 12 silver spoons to rich cousin with a £200.000 yacht and a villa with pool, and summer house on a remote island.

Greed is so unattractive. Equally snobbery and "wannabe-ism".

I think what got my goat the most was the tacky website that went with it.

Wot expat said.

Hmmmph.

We did this.

I don't see why it is any worse than buying expensive dishes from John Lewis.

Lots of people were really pleased with our gift list, and said that giving us the gift of an exciting trip on our honeymoon was much more special than an ironing board.

You don't have to use it, you know.

When people say they would rather have money I usually find them something special and different that they might like.

Do you even like your friends? Maybe you shouldn't go.

Wedding presents are to help people set up a home. That's why there are wedding presents at all.

If you don't need anything, ask people to donate to a charity on your behalf.

btw, we did make it clear that guests were not expected to buy us a gift, that we just wanted them to celebrate with us.

Why are wedding presents to set up a home?

Who, in this day and age, doesn't have a home before getting married?

We asked for no presents but people insisted, so we said M&S vouchers. It's making them happy, they probably wouldn't care if you're buying nothing, but people want to give so they've found something they like. So what?

Agree with loopyloops sentiments.

Most wedding couples dont actually demand presents or money, the list or suggestion is only to guide guests if they feel so inclined to give them a contribution. I've never heard of anyone making it a condition of acceptance that a present has been bought.

And what does it really matter if you spend £20 or £50 or whatever amount on a honeymoon treat instead of a dust-collector object?

I can see people's point about it the demanding nature being rude and the tacky website yuck.

But if two people have already lived together, have all the house stuff they need and do not want clutter of more 'stuff' what would you suggest regarding gifts for people who want to give something?

Maybe they should just taken whatever they are given with gratitude?

I am not going to the wedding my friend is and showed my the website. Quite frankly if I could link it on here I would, because I find it absurd. If you can afford the farking Maldives then fund the trips yourselves. I couldn't careless if I had ended up with thousands of towels or toasters or anything else, as someone else said wedding gifts are traditionally about setting up a home. There are actually some people out there who do get married before living together.

er...me and dh!!!!

We had nothing, not even a TV!

The wedding gift list was a john lewis one but the most expensive thing on it was £80.

Tbh, most people just bought random stuff which I am afraid got sent to charity shops.....china clock in the shape of a harp anyone???? anyone????

I love gift lists personally - takes all the guesswork out of it.

However, some people are just dead against them for some reason and think you should be happy to receive whatever they deem you need/would like.

what does annoy me is people not sending thank you notes grrrrr

I would have rather chipped in and bought you a tv Becaroo, because it is something that is useful and will last a very long time and you can think fondly of the people who bought it for you.

Fecking speedboat to take us to our waterside villa does not compare.

OK, so a few people move straight out of their family homes to live with their new spouse, so therefore the tradition of furnishing homes with lots of towels and crockery should be the only method of giving a gift for a wedding.

I see.

Much as I love new towels, there are only a certain amount that I can house.

I think weddings are a minefield these days, for all concerned.

Firstly it probably cost the B&G about £70 per head to invite people. Do families (brides dad) pay for them any more? Plus they probably do have a house full of toasters and other crap already and don't want any more. Having said that guests do want to give them something and usually spend more than they would for a birthday present. I think what most B&G need is money to pay for the whole thing but what can they do? sell tickets?

What we need is a return to low cost, low key weddings.

Nah, Darcy they should just stand at the alter with a bucket for a mass collection.

Have found the website, this is more or less exactly the same as the couple I was talking about \link{http://www.honeymoonpromises.com/danielandkate?__utma=1.98752734.1283522229.1283522229.1283522229.1&__utmb=1.2.10.1283522229&__utmc=1&__utmx=-&__utmz=1.1283522229.1.1.utmcsr=google|utmccn=%28organic%29|utmcmd=organic|utmctr=honeymoon%20gift%20registry&__utmv=-&__utmk=175046178\here}

Us too. Our wedding presents were for us to set up a home. It may seem incredible to some but we were not living together previously. I was at home with my parents and DH was in a rented, furnished, flat with a tiny collection of college-era crockery. Just shows that not everyone lives identical lives, I suppose. Btw this was 4 years ago so not in the dark ages.
Our wedding list stuff means a lot to me and I remember very distinctly who bought us important stuff like our hoover and toaster.
On the other hand, my best friend recently got married and they already had lots of stuff. Instead they asked for contributions to their honeymoon which I was delighted to do because I knew it was what they really wanted. And when they came back gushing about what a lovely time they had had it was nice to know I'd contributed.