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Original poster

I think I have just about seen it all now regarding wedding gifts.

135 replies

Fimbo · 03/09/2010 14:12

A friend of a friend was going to the Maldives and instead of gifts they asked for donations to the honeymoon to make it "as spectacular as possible".

That in itself is bad enough imvho. But then I saw the website...... A whole lot of trash about themselves and the honeymoon and a list of all these "experiences" you could buy them. Special people to carry the luggage, speedboat to get them to their villa, day trips to various places etc etc. Oh and you could paypal the money directly to them....

Grr what's wrong with a towel bale or a toaster.

OP posts:
loopyloops · 03/09/2010 15:55

Oh, and we didn't include the gift list info in the invites, just sent them to people who asked if there was a gift list.

expatinscotland · 03/09/2010 15:55

They probably thought so, loopy, but didn't want to be impolite so they towed the line. Doesn't make it any less tacky.

The other couples probably saw the opportunity to grab some money in exchange for a wedding. Greed inspires many people to do all manner of things.

Guess the adage, 'You're known by the company you keep' rings true.

loopyloops · 03/09/2010 15:56

But why is that better?

To me, life is for living. I don't give a shit about matching crockery.

TotalChaos · 03/09/2010 15:56

I didn't have a giftlist, as I felt that was too grabby. But in hindsight it may have avoided getting 3 different sets of wineglasses. I feel meh about the honeymoon extras as it just seems like consumerism gone mad.

UnePrune · 03/09/2010 15:56

When I were a lad, gift lists were considered very rude.

They've since become mainstream. It doesn't mean you can just ask for anything though! Having a Paypal button - it's just crass!

loopyloops · 03/09/2010 15:56

Thanks for that Expat, you're too kind.

expatinscotland · 03/09/2010 15:57

Is your friend declining the invite, Fimbo? That kind of thing is an instant reject from me and pretty much everyone I know.

Original poster
Fimbo · 03/09/2010 15:57

If you can afford the Maldives you can afford the rest that goes with it.

We went about 2hrs up the road in Scotland for our honeymoon and it was only 4 nights as I was starting a new job more or less straight away. Just think I could have asked for someone to pay our entrance fares into Inverary Jail.

OP posts:
loopyloops · 03/09/2010 15:58

Bet you don't get invited to too many weddings, eh?

Original poster
Fimbo · 03/09/2010 15:58

No Expat the silly bugger has paid for one of the day trips.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 03/09/2010 15:58

I've always wanted to go in there, Fimbo! But it's so dear.

[starts dinner party list and menu]

:o

expatinscotland · 03/09/2010 16:00

I've been to more weddings than I can count.

TrillianAstra · 03/09/2010 16:00

There is no logical reason to back up your statement "If you can afford the Maldives you can afford the rest that goes with it."

If I have £100, does that mean I have £150? No, it means I have £100. I might have £101. I might have £200. But I don't ^necessarily have more than £100.

expatinscotland · 03/09/2010 16:01

then maybe, erm, cut your cloth accordingly, Trillian.

or do a little busking.

Original poster
Fimbo · 03/09/2010 16:02

Grin. Do accept paypal?

OP posts:
UniS · 03/09/2010 16:02

That site is kinda tacky , BUT, I don;t object to the couple asking for contributions to fund particular things they would like to do. The contributions to teh flight is bit tacky... but I guess its a customisable site.

Family member of mine did similar a few years back. They were going off round the world for x months and had a site with prices of some things they would "like" to do and how much those things cost. so one could send them a cheque for the amount a days whale watching in Alaska cost for example. They duly went off travelling for months, self funded, and picking up casual work and enjoying some treats from their wedding guests along teh way.

Original poster
Fimbo · 03/09/2010 16:03

Oh come on, you are hardly going to a place like that on a shoestring. It would be like going to Disney and then saying sorry can't afford the rides.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 03/09/2010 16:06

There's a difference between

"you shouldn't go to the Maldives unless you're prepared and able to pay through the nose whle you're out there"

and

"if you can afford to go to the Maldives you can afford the rest"

expatinscotland · 03/09/2010 16:07

Dear Guest,
After 3 years out here, we'd like to celebrate the real Highland experience!

We can create a website for people to buy us bottles of whisky, tickets to Inverary Jail, to pay for the DD's Highland dance lessons and gear (that shit don't come cheap!), maybe a few Land Rover safaris and tickets next time Phil Cunningham comes to town, or fuck it, just PayPal us and we can spend the day getting pissed in Rothesay at one of the many pubs.

I can just see it.

We can all start holding dinner parties with DJs to get out of paying for all sorts of stuff.

:o

susie100 · 03/09/2010 16:09

We did a honeymoon list, it was fab and I can still remember exactly who got us each speacial and memorable experience (dinner in the bush, sunset cocktails etc)

We sent each person a photo of us 'doing' what they had bought us.

We had a proper list for my parents friends who wanted to buy something concrete which I can understand but I don't agree with a lot of the tacky comments here. Its no more tacky than including a giftlist frankly.

I do think the days of people phoning the bride's mother ot ask where the list was was more elegant but its not practical these days is it?

UnePrune · 03/09/2010 16:09

It doesn't matter in a way what you can and can't afford wrt to Maldives.
The fact is, that if you ask for cash for something like this, there will always be people who'll be utterly skint but socially obliged to fork over the money to you to have the sort of good time that they could never have.
When you have a gift list, there's always a range of differently-priced gifts on it, and they know what they're giving. They might not feel comfortable giving you a gold-plated ladle but a set of ramekins is fine.
But you take away that comfort when you ask for vouchers and cash. It breeds bad feeling. WHY on earth should anyone have to sacrifice something so that a couple can have an extra nice meal on holiday?
Obv if you know everyone has pots of cash then that's not a problem.
I don't have pots of cash. If I was in a way forced to contribute the money I earn so the happy couple could have a spa visit, when I haven't been near a spa for years and can only dream of it, I'd just feel like shit. (Just an example.)
Whereas if I knew I was giving them something that they could enjoy in their home for a long time, I'd feel fine.

The politics of gift-giving and receiving are so much more complicated than 'I don't care about matching stuff and I don't see the difference in paying for a mixing bowl and buying a voucher, it's all money."

MaamRuby · 03/09/2010 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

susie100 · 03/09/2010 16:10

My godmother for example had a bottle of champagne waiting for us on arrival at each hotel. God it was fun, wish we could do it again

Original poster
Fimbo · 03/09/2010 16:11

Dear Guest

After many years of living in England, we are terribly homesick for Scotland. A nice trip to Crieff Hydro would suffice. Zip Wires £15,
Bowling £25, Climbing Wall £30, Quad Bikes £15, upgrade to 5* self catering £1,000,000.00 Please do not feel obliged we will NOT hold it against you.

Fimbo & The Fimbles xx

OP posts:
susie100 · 03/09/2010 16:12

UnePrune what if there were cheaper items on there as well.

Also with gift lists the couple can exchange whatever you buy and buy a bigger item for example like a TV.

Or just take the cash (Harrods does this!)