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Weaning

Find weaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Weaning forum. Use our child development calendar for more information.

Support & Advice desperately needed re. Early weaning and Sleeping

40 replies

pussycatmomma · 21/05/2008 20:23

Hi I am a very tired mum of a 15 wk old gorgeous boy. Please excuse my incoherance I just want to get the facts down and start getting some advice. Havent much time to type so if you respond and i dont answer straight away i will get back here eventually. Please help!!
I have been exlusively breastfeeding up to around 12 weeks. We tried him on a bottle of expressed milk which he takes very well from about 3 weeks. We tried to give him an expressed milk feed once a week just to keep him in the habit of drinking from a bottle. HOwever I was finding it such a complete faff and very time consuming to express milk so we stopped doing it as much. During this time I was eating really healthily and doing tons of walking and have lost weight. I now weigh about half a stone less than i did before finding out i was pregnant. I am sick of people telling me that my milk quality is too poor and that is why ds not sleeping well. I get lots of neg comments all the time from mother in law, sisters in law, mother and my own sister. They are all telling me my little ds is hungry and that is why he is not sleeping. So we introduced a bottle of formula milk before his bedtime at 7. It has made no difference whatsoever to his sleeping. Now they are all going on at me to try baby rice. I dont want to wean my baby early!!!! But they are all making me feel like i am starving him!! He is between the 5th and 9th centiles on chart, but is all in proportion. Health visitor keeps good check on his weights/measurements etc and says he is doing fine. He consistenly gains weight even if it is only a small amount. I know the government guidelines are to wait 6mths. I want to wait 6mths. I also want to continue to bf for as long as i can. But the constant pressure from other people is really getting me down. Everyone seems to think that he needs to " progress" on to formula and that my milk is no longer enough for him. I am feeling like a complete failure. We introduced a bottle in hope of him sleeping longer but it has made no difference. Am I expecting too much in wanting him to sleep longer? he goes to sleep beautifully every evening at 7, and regularly sleeps till about 12- 1am. Sometimes he wakes at 10.30 for a feed but not all the time. The problem is after hes woken for the 1 o clock he is awake every half hour / hour or so. I am rubbish at leaving him to cry, i just cant bear it. Sometimes he is placated with his dummy or a bit of face stroking, other times its pick up and feed. However he is not going back to sleep for any length of time before wakening and crying again. By the time I get to 6-6.30 am I am so exhausted as I have been up nearly all night. Because Im getting up to feed and my dh is at work Im the one getting up all the time.
Should I carry on with the formula before he goes to bed? is it worth it? would b/f be better? Pls reassure (if it is the case) that i am doing the best thing for my little boy. I just need someone to say im doing ok.

OP posts:
Greedygirl · 21/05/2008 21:31

Whoops xpost, your sister's problems explain but don't excuse her actions. Sorry if I offended.

lilyloo · 21/05/2008 21:32

Pussycat i co slept with ds until 6 months so got through this with more sleep then.
I am still hoping to get through this with dd2 without resorting back to co sleeping, each to their own i guess.
Feel it is less disruptive though when she is in our room. Dp doesn't notice

pussycatmomma · 21/05/2008 21:33

i sometimes think that may be the case greedygirl. But then i thnk, why on earth should she be jealous now, her baby is well and truly on the way?
btw, just checked out your profile, your babe is gorgeous!!!!!

OP posts:
pussycatmomma · 21/05/2008 21:34

oh god no offence taken!!!!! lots of history between me and my sis and not much of it good. xx

OP posts:
ThingOne · 21/05/2008 21:36

I think you sound as if you are doing really well. Your milk has more calories in it than formula or weaning foods anyway. My second baby was small and grew slowly but that's just how he is. There are always going to be some babies at every centile on the charts and that is utterly normal.

I never tried to lose weight while breastfeeding (too much of a greedy mare) but I did lose weight very quickly after both my children were born. It's just how some people's bodies react.

I'm afraid starting solids did nothing for my boys' sleep. They slept well at the start, were a bit troublesome from three months, and made me a wreck from about four months on! So I don't think feeding, solids and sleep are linked at all, lol.

Good luck in ignoring them. It can be hard.

Greedygirl · 21/05/2008 21:38

Oh good, I am a bit slow at posting and and get left behind sometimes! Noah is scrumptious btw, certainly doesn't look like he is starving - the picture of health.

TheProvincialLady · 21/05/2008 21:38

Could you try this when people say this kind of stuff:

"I know you mean well but actually you know nothing whatsoever about breast feeding, or about my baby. Whereas I have taken advice from health professionals and breast feeding experts, and I know that everything I am doing is fine and best for my baby. So I would appreciate it if you didn't say these things to me." (Repeat as necessary)

The thing is, at the moment the issue is you BF or early weaning. Next year it will be how you have to manage his behaviour. The year after it will be what you are giving him for his dinner, then school, etc etc. YOU are his mum and YOU make these decisions. These people feel they can control him and you, but actually they can't and the sooner you help them realise that the easier for everyone. Can you tell I have been in a similar situation myself? (not re BF) Good luck!

IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast · 21/05/2008 21:44

You're doing SO well, your baby is healthy and well and is sleeping perfectly normally IMO. Well done on holding out against all this pressure!

Things will start to get easier soon, and it's likely you'll get more sleep shortly. I highly recommend lying to people when they ask about sleep though - if I was you I'd tell them all she's sleeping 12 hours and leave them to it.

Your sister's eyes will be opened very soon, then she'll be coming to you for advice!

pussycatmomma · 21/05/2008 22:31

this is why i love mn . Sleep deprived as i am i am feeling much more supported already . Thanks ladies. xxx

OP posts:
girliefriend · 21/05/2008 22:46

hello not a breast feeding expert by any stretch but did bf My dd for 11 months despite the usual negative comments (including health visitors) who made me feel like i was not doing the right thing! Stick to your instincts, honestly you know best! Is there a breast feeding support group you can get to? The one I went to proabably was what kept me going with the bf. As with the sleeping, things that helped me included swaddling, dummies and soothing music, also a routine I know I will probably be struck down by lightening but a fairly strict routine does help and it deffinately saved my sanity as I don't cope well on broken sleep. It WILL get eaiser I'm sure!!! xXx

ShowOfHands · 22/05/2008 10:35

Hello my darling girl. First and foremost, I had absolutely no idea you had had a baby. I was sans internet for the first couple of months of this year as I moved house.

Can I just say I am absolutely over the moon for you. Your baby is not only completely handsome, but has the most lovely names. I know how long and hard you worked to have him and he must be a constant joy to you. Jolly well done to you pcm, I am beaming with happiness for you.

Now, back to the matter in hand...

The negativity aimed at breastfeeding women makes me so cross my teeth itch. Your milk, I can promise you, is absolutely the best nutrition for your little ds. You have a very clever body there that knows how to make food for your little boy. I know you lost faith in your body's ability a little bit when trying to make ds but look at him, you made him and you can sustain him.

It is absolutely infuriating that people believe they can make such open and disparaging remarks now that you have a baby and about a personal and beautiful breastfeeding relationship that is between you and your ds. I guess it starts when you're pg and they start commenting on your bump and what you're eating and what you're wearing and how you're carrying and what colour the nursery is blah blah. Comments on your weight I daresay stem from nosiness and jealousy. Does it matter whether you've shrunk down to the size of a pea or blown up like an elephant? This has nothing to do with your milk quality and it certainly has nowt to do with your sister.

Your clever little boy knows how much milk he needs. At his age he is developing so rapidly. Think how much he has changed in a matter of weeks and how much he changes almost daily. He is learning, observing, using his body, developing a secure attachment to you, his Mum who comes to him in the night when he needs milk and comfort and all of this takes sustenance. Now, tell me, how is a couple of spoonfuls of mush with very little nutrient content going to aid all of this development? How is something with the goodness and consistency of wallpaper paste going to provide something that your nutrient and calorie rich, ds-designed milk can't? And ditto some milk from a cow's udder is going to help matters how?

This bit is important. Sleep is a developmental thing. You can make your ds sleep through as easily as you can make him walk and talk. Babies sleep through when they are ready. That solid little bit of sleep he does early in the night is fantastic and he sounds like he's doing fabulously. Also sounds like he cluster feeds in the early hours instead of in the evening like a lot of babies. Of course you can't bear to hear him cry. That cry is his way of communicating to you that he is hungry, thirsty, wet, dirty or in need of you. Mother nature designed it so that you would want to respond to him. And he's such a tiny thing and learning the most important lesson of all, that you will come when he needs you most. Please have faith that this is all normal. Weaning will not make him sleep. Routine will not make him sleep. You can gently guide him and he will find his own way when he is ready.

If he is low on the centile charts then maybe he is going to be a little. Maybe that's just his size. If he is happy and healthy, gaining weight, developing normally and has normal nappies then he is absolutely fine, he's just a wee soul.

Please have faith. You are doing such a good job. I know you're tired. DD fed every 2hrs day and night for 6 months and co-sleeping is all that got me through it. Are you sleeping during the day too?

And when your sister, sil or mil comment then just look slightly concerned and calmly state 'you seem very interested in my breasts. I'm worried you're becoming obsessed and it's making me uncomfortable. Please desist'. And if they dare to ask for a cup of tea for example, treat them how they wish you to treat your baby. Say, oh no you don't need tea, you need castor oil and didn't you have a drink 3hrs ago, you're not scheduled for another one yet.

Well done, congratulations and enjoy your little boy.

pussycatmomma · 22/05/2008 21:42

oh showofhands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have made me cry!!! It is happy crying, i think, or is it, i just dont know any more. But the care and kindness you have just shown me in your post has almost melted me. You are someone i have only ever "known" through mn yet you have just shown more support and care in your post than i have recieved from my sister in the whole of the last 12 months. You , and other lovely posters who have responded to me, plus my rl friends are what i need right now to remind me that i am not going crazy, i am not selfish for not giving my baby fake milk/mushy rice, and that i am doing the best i can.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
He is most definatly a happy little soul, and yes i think he may be destined not to be a giant. But at 5.2 and his dadddy at 5.8 then that is not a huge suprise nor any detriment to him whatsover.
I love my little boy with so much intensity and feel so blessed that i have helped him make his way into the world.
So with the prolonged support of mn, f the charts , f my sister, and f* the complete negativity i am experiencing from his sisters (even tonight i got a "babys dont wake in the night for no reason, he must be starving!" comment! )
.....................sorry!!!!! Gosh that actually felt good!!
I will keep you all posted.
Thanks a million to the lady who posted a link to the kellys mom website, it has some brilliantly interesting facts and when i have a minute i am going to study it in much more detail.
By the way showofhands, your little girl is too, too beautiful. Well done!!! xxx

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 22/05/2008 22:53

That's the spirit. Up and at 'em.

Kellymom is fantastic, straightforward, helpful and should be on your favourites from hence forth.

And yes you're a pair of titchies so ds is going to be small but perfectly formed I think.

And not wake up hungry in the night? Well who the hell knows how many calories it takes to become brilliant and handsome?!

Do not for one second let their small-minded and petty waffling mar the first months with your little boy. You should be soaking up, cherishing and enjoying this special time.

Now, an arranged marriage between our offspring I think? DD's consistently off the charts and has been since 12 weeks so she'd squash your ds but my their children would be beautiful.

Chin up lovely. I'm still beaming for you (dh wants to know if you're the one with the ovarian drill. Close, almost remembered but I give up).

xxx

kiskideesameanoldmother · 22/05/2008 23:01

utter rubbish that you or your milk is too thin.

I weighed under eight stone right after dd was born. She was bf exclusively till I chose to wean her at twenty six weeks are per current guidelines and is still going strong at three years. But she eats lots of stuff now too.

Do you know if any of these people who say taht your milk is not good enough actually breastfed for six months? I can guess the answer.

you can drop the formula and go back to exclusive feedign if you like.

As Psychobabble said, try cosleeping even if only for a part of the night. After a week or so, giving yourself time to get used to it, you ought to start to feel the benefits of better sleep.

hugs.

kiskideesameanoldmother · 22/05/2008 23:09

a cosleeping link which is kind to a sleep deprived brain. The links and book recommendations at the bottom of the page are also top quality.

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