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Weaning

Find weaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Weaning forum. Use our child development calendar for more information.

Original poster

I need to start over - please help me

108 replies

ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 08:10

Weaning my baby has been a disaster.

Started just shy of six months on HV advice - he’d dropped a centile. Started very diligently with vegetables, but everything was refused.

I’m not really looking for suggestions as to what I can give him as I have absolutely loads of recipes and things I could give him. What I need to know is how to reset the button.

At the moment, he cries when you put his bib on, he cries when he’s in his high chair. He’s obviously got very negative associations with food. So for now the bib is in the bin and the high chair in the garage. I’m going to completely leave it for a week.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can do this again and do it right this time? No table so can’t sit him there.

OP posts:
Gwlondon · 14/08/2021 08:11

Where do you sit to eat?

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 08:12

Wherever I can - the sofa usually Smile

OP posts:
LividLaVidaLoca · 14/08/2021 08:16

You need to remove the idea that your weaning him and make it more that you’re all eating together.

If you’re stressed or tense around food it will rub off on him.

Is there room for a drop down table that’s basically just a tray on a flap?

In the early days (after a couple of weeks of single bitter veggies) we just gave him over cooked and finger food sized chunks of whatever we were eating.

He should eat when you do and with you, to make it a more positive experience.

Just don’t add salt and anything else can be fair game.

Flippyflops2021 · 14/08/2021 08:16

I would probably (depending on how old he is) almost let him come to you when it comes to food and mealtimes.
You say you have no table, so I assume you eat in lounge/on sofa? If this is the situation maybe sit him next to you when you have your meals. Hopefully he would get inquisitive and maybe reach over to your plate? Perhaps sit him on a towel or something first so you don’t have to worry too much about the mess.

LowlytheWorm · 14/08/2021 08:16

One of the issues for him will be he hasn’t seen mealtime modelled for him and babies are very sociable naturally. The stage prior to weaning is watching intently as you eat. So he needs to see you eating. Can you get a small drop leaf table?

If not- what about a floor seat with a tray and you eat on the floor like a picnic with him. Look into baby led weaning and just give him small pieces of appropriate food that you’re eating and you eat and he plays or watches you eating. He will get there.

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 08:22

I have looked into baby led weaning but it isn’t really happening - he shows no interest in food or picking it up or in his mouth.

You have to actually either put it in his hand or offer him a spoon.

OP posts:
LividLaVidaLoca · 14/08/2021 08:28

Can he sit unaided and all that stuff they’re supposed to do first?

Maybe he isn’t ready.

Don’t force it, just model good eating and wait.

Flippyflops2021 · 14/08/2021 08:29

How old is he ?

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 08:32

Oh yes, he’s quite a way past that, he is eight months. Sorry, I thought I included that!

OP posts:
Crabsy · 14/08/2021 08:32

Sorry but the HV advice sounds like rubbish - milk is much more calorific than steamed carrots so weaning early won’t help him gain weight unless you’re putting butter/oil/cheese etc in everything.

It sounds like he’s not quite ready. Concentrate on milk, offer more if you can to help with weight gain. Reintroduce night feeds if he has dropped them.

Definitely don’t stress about weaning - as pp say just have him near to you when you eat and give him bits and pieces of whatever you’re having. Try putting bits in his hand and see what he does but he may well spend a few weeks just messing around with it.

He will get there in the end.

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 08:34

The thing is I think he is ready but he just finds it stressful, which is my fault, but it’s hard to undo negative associations.

I don’t know how long to leave it - a week, a month? I am a bit worried about his speech and language being negatively impacted, to be honest.

OP posts:
Bamaluz · 14/08/2021 08:42

Sit him on your lap and see if he will try some of whatever you are having.

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 08:43

He doesn’t - honestly. He twists and squirms and it just ends up with food everywhere and ds crying.

So I don’t know how most people do it. I think I was naive and I thought he’d just, well, eat!

OP posts:
twinningatlife · 14/08/2021 08:43

Do you try with him sat on your knee?
What about giving him a spoon to hold while you feed him?
Does he put his fingers in his mouth? Try putting the food on that so he gets a taste for it?
Make him smile or laugh then pop a bit in his mouth
Put toys on his high chair for a few days only first so he associates sitting in it with play time
I really think you need a table of some kind? He needs to know it's a "meal time" - sitting on the sofa is just like any other time of day snd I should think he's distracted/more interested in the tv or something?
Have him sit at the table in the high chair with you when you all eat so he can see you eat full meals

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 08:45

I don’t sit on the sofa with him usually. I sound so stupid but don’t people worry about them falling? If he was sat next to me when I was eating he’d fall or crawl off.

OP posts:
Flippyflops2021 · 14/08/2021 08:46

Only 8 months! Honestly I wouldn’t worry so much as you are. I know that’s easy for me to say.
My 14 month old some days doesn’t eat much at all but still has lots of milk. And she’s definitely growing.

If he does find it stressful if I were you I’d just stop really. Make sure he has plenty of milk as it’s definitely higher in calories than any tiny amount of food an 8 month old will consume anyway.
I don’t know anything about the link between speech/language and eating.

I wouldn’t set a time limit on this pause as it should just organically happen as he gets older. Just make sure you eat in front of him a lot. Tho w idea above about eating on the floor is good. As once he is crawling/moving about I bet he would come up to you to investigate!

PostMenWithACat · 14/08/2021 08:47

I'll get lambasted for this but it's much less upsetting if a jar of carrot and parsnip goes up the wall than home cooked veggie puree lovingly steamed and sieved.

Why has it been stressful op?
Have you tried pureed fruit or Yoghurt?

Veryverycalmnow · 14/08/2021 08:48

Food is for fun until they're one is what we were told.
Lay out a plastic sheet with a few different shapes and coloured foods. See what he picks up and if he eats any of it, great!

twinningatlife · 14/08/2021 08:49

@ElderflowerRose

I don’t sit on the sofa with him usually. I sound so stupid but don’t people worry about them falling? If he was sat next to me when I was eating he’d fall or crawl off.
At 8 months I'd expect he could sit up fairly strongly or at least propped by pillows either side? Can't you get a small bistro table or something? I should think he's used to the sofa and lounge being a place of play etc and meal time of you are then feeding him in there is getting in the way of it? Do you have a separate kitchen?
Flippyflops2021 · 14/08/2021 08:50

If he is finding it that stressful then totally take away the focus on food. Let him come to you. I’ve got 3 DC and forcing anything on to them when they are not interested just increased their stress!!

Personally I would not distract him til he’s smiling then out food in his mouth. If he chokes or is shocked by the feeling of this, it will just increase the anxiety around it.

TheProvincialLady · 14/08/2021 08:50

Your baby won’t have negative associations with food. It will be that he doesn’t like being in the high chair, wearing a bib etc. You have done nothing wrong, honestly.

Both my sons were like this and I’m afraid neither of them ate very much if anything until they were 12m or older. I stressed no end about it with DS1 but was more relaxed with DS2. Both of them became very hearty eaters within a few weeks of them finally deciding they wanted to eat food. They are both still extremely keen eaters (teenagers!) and there were no speech or language delays with either.

Some babies just take longer and as long as they have milk and the opportunity to eat, it’s ok. The advice given above to eat with your baby close to you is excellent. It’s good for children to eat with the family anyway.

Also some babies can’t stand puréed veg, plain boiled carrot sticks etc and need a bit of genuine flavour. The first food my DS1 ate and wanted more of was some coconut dal I was eating. From then on everything was fair game and he still doesn’t like plain food!

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 08:51

I know.

But I suppose I don’t understand why weaning is recommended at six months and not twelve, then. It would be a lot less stressful for me if I could just make bottles until he’s a year old but I don’t think that’s what you’re supposed to do!

If I sat on a plastic sheet with him with a slice of apple and a bit of bread and butter and some berries they’d all still be there four hours later. I mean, maybe I do need to leave it for a bit but it’s hard knowing what the right thing to do is.

OP posts:
Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 08:52

Thanks @TheProvincialLady that is reassuring.

He does seem to prefer things with a bit of flavour but then it’s finding things like that three times a day is hard work and I just wish he’d eat a bit of banana or pasta like every other child!

OP posts:
Flippyflops2021 · 14/08/2021 08:52

You’re not doing anything wrong. You can’t force him to be interested!

How is he generally with being content?

Lockdownbear · 14/08/2021 08:55

Is he interested in what you are eating?

Switch tactics, get yourself on the floor, beside him, mmmmm, yummy, this is lovely, make him jealous, he'll soon want whatever you are eating. 😋
And you'll not eat any full dinner for the next year. But regardless of if they are exactly the same, yours will be more appealing than his for the next year!