I need to start over - please help me

[ElderflowerRose]

Weaning my baby has been a disaster.

Started just shy of six months on HV advice - he’d dropped a centile. Started very diligently with vegetables, but everything was refused.

I’m not really looking for suggestions as to what I can give him as I have absolutely loads of recipes and things I could give him. What I need to know is how to reset the button.

At the moment, he cries when you put his bib on, he cries when he’s in his high chair. He’s obviously got very negative associations with food. So for now the bib is in the bin and the high chair in the garage. I’m going to completely leave it for a week.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can do this again and do it right this time? No table so can’t sit him there.

@ElderflowerRose forget actual food for now, how is he with melty things so melty sticks from Ella’s kitchen, wotsits, skips etc. My daughter was totally uninterested in food and we went back to basics just putting tiny bits in her mouth and letting them dissolve while I ate them. It taught her she liked the flavour/experience without having to do any work and without it being a “mealtime”.

I think I’ll leave it for a month, although not sure what the official guidance on this is. It’s just making me so stressed.

OP, with kindness, it's your anxiety that's the problem. Your baby is never going to 'be like everyone else'. He is his own little unique self on his own little unique journey. Be his glad companion.

I haven’t given him any Wotsits but he has had a couple of melty puffs. Hit and miss really. Sometimes will put to his mouth but often just drops them.

I would take ‘anxiety’ out of that above sentence and agree but the problem is there’s no one else who can do it, so unless he only eats when he’s at nursery, I can’t do much about that!

What are you eating?
Try eating before his bottle.

But don't stress he'll get there. They all do. It's up there with stressing over LOs who crawl into your bed at night, the last place they'll want to be at 16 is your bed!

My first didn’t have much interest in food until about 12/13 months, he used to scream and Chuck it all on the floor 🤣🤣🙈 he was a grazer, so I used to leave food out for him. Cucumber sticks, baby crisps (and also wotstis and quavers) banana etc in bowls…. He’d crawl over in his own time and shove them in his mouth.

My daughter went to nursery at 6 months and she was an amazing eater, I think eating with other kids made all the difference to here. She loves food!!

Personally I wouldn’t stop, I think that’s going to set you back massively. But I’d take a step back and not worry about it.. your ds will sense your stress over dinner time and food so that will rub off on him.
Make it fun, sing laugh eat his food and show him it’s yummy, but don’t give up!

I honestly have tried. I sound like I’m being such an arse and I’m not but it always ends with him crying.

I’ve wasted enough food to feed a small developing nation over the past two months and it just feels pointless, as all anyone says is that he doesn’t need any food until he’s one so if that is the case I don’t think any harm will come or not bothering. It’s a waste of time and effort and money and food, obviously!

What are you feeding him? If it's that and berries you need to take it right back to the beginning? Start with the 4m Ellas pouches or something? Babies need to develop a chew action before they can move on to finger food

*toast

I was using that as an example. I’ve tried a range, including toast, purée, fruit, pasta, homemade and so on.

I’ve concluded we both fucking hate it and to just stop!

I'm weaning my 6 month old twins as I speak. You can't rush it. If meal times take half an hour then that's what it takes. One I give a spoon to hold to distract them. They have stick on toys that stick to the high chair tray. I offer up a bit and put it on their lips so that they are encouraged to lick to get used to the taste and move it in to their mouths

Don't make separate food for him. Eat stuff yourself that you can give him a bit of, ie, reduce your salt and avoid wild currys, but only once he's showing interest.

Yeah I have tried thanks - he doesn’t eat anything.

This is quite hard work, but my children loved messy play and it was usually with food. There are classes or you can do it at home. No expectation to eat but can smell, touch and taste if you want.

I agree with handing him a piece when you have meals. A picnic could work well for this if you are both sat on a mat. Also if you are anywhere where he sees other babies or children eat e.g. friends or snack time at a Children's Centre session.

Equally just do nothing for a few weeks and try again when you feel more ready and he is less stressed.

Thanks @BendingSpoons

He starts nursery in a couple of weeks so I think they’ll probably do a better job than me! I’m not sure what to do about weekends but I guess it doesn’t matter too much, as long as he eats during the week.

I think I would work on mealtimes being a shared experience rather than something he does on his own with you trying to get food into him, if that makes sense. So I would start by eating all your meals at the table with him - let him see you enjoying your food. Don't put a bib on him and give him a fun toy to play with so he starts to enjoy being in his high chair. Then just be patient. You don't say if you have a partner but if he can join in for some meals too then that would also be good, so the baby can see you both eating and talking together and enjoying it. Put a couple of bits of food (whatever you're having) within his reach so he can grab some if he wants. Don't pressure him to eat anything or take any notice if he does or doesn't. He will get interested in food eventually and in the meantime you're modelling what to do so he can see.

It makes sense but it doesn’t work for us unfortunately don’t have a table.

God I feel shit. I can’t even feed my own baby. Good thing he’s going to nursery!

Can't you get a small table???

He probably will eat at nursery, maybe leave it until he goes there and see if that helps at home.

Slightly different but DS refused to nap in his cot during the day. Warned nursery, from day one there he napped like a dream in their cot!

Goodness OP RELAX.

My first DD ate almost nothing at 8 months and not much more at 10 months.

Please just switch to baby led weaning and stop worrying. He absolutely doesn't need food, your health visitor is wrong. He needs milk and to experiment with food.

I know what you mean with naps - mine was due one nearly an hour ago.

He is definitely more relaxed in high chairs if you’re out and about, sometimes, but at home he gets very stressed in his high chair. People keep saying really obvious things like I haven’t thought of just putting food in front of him but that doesn’t work when he cries after about two minutes in the high chair. I’ve tried on an old shower curtain but he just ignores it. I don’t think he knows what it is.

I have decided to just knock it on the head, it’s pointless and making us both miserable, but I am also worried about the potential ramifications of him not eating anything, I can’t lie.

Why does everyone keep going on about baby led weaning as if it will magically make him eat?

I would look at trying to get a table if you can fit one in, even a folding one. It will really help now, when he's a baby, as you can sit and eat together, but it will be essential when he's a bit older and too big for a highchair, also very useful for drawing, art etc.

Possibly, but to be honest I’ve already thrown a lot of money down the drain and I’m not convinced he’ll magically start eating then, and the other problem is where to actually put it.