I need to start over - please help me

[ElderflowerRose]

Weaning my baby has been a disaster.

Started just shy of six months on HV advice - he’d dropped a centile. Started very diligently with vegetables, but everything was refused.

I’m not really looking for suggestions as to what I can give him as I have absolutely loads of recipes and things I could give him. What I need to know is how to reset the button.

At the moment, he cries when you put his bib on, he cries when he’s in his high chair. He’s obviously got very negative associations with food. So for now the bib is in the bin and the high chair in the garage. I’m going to completely leave it for a week.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can do this again and do it right this time? No table so can’t sit him there.

@ElderflowerRose

Possibly, but to be honest I’ve already thrown a lot of money down the drain and I’m not convinced he’ll magically start eating then, and the other problem is where to actually put it.

What's the space like at home? Are you in a flat? Could you fit a small table in the kitchen? Like one of those foldable 2 people bistro tables?

Honestly baby led weaning isn't for every child - my first child chose herself to do it so I had to go with it but my twins at the moment don't seem to be going that route

Admittedly my boys are massive 19yr old body builders now but they were weaned at about 4 months as we all did in 2001.

One of the boys never liked bland puréed vegetables and would just shove it out again with his tongue. I used to despair! Then in desperation I gave him a Petit Filou. His eyes lit up at the sweet sensation in his mouth and he gobbled up the lot. He just wanted something with a bit more flavour. Through childhood he always like stronger flavours, didn't like chips or mash or porridge for example. Now he's one of those people that likes hot curry's, Thai, Mexican etc and not bland meat and two veg. Perhaps your boy is like that and needs less bland offerings?

@ElderflowerRose

Why does everyone keep going on about baby led weaning as if it will magically make him eat?

Because it’s a way of him learning to eat by himself and so you don’t have to push puréed food in his mouth.

It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t eat immediately. It gives him a chance to play with his food, feel the textures etc. One way babies explore stuff is by putting it in their mouths. Sitting him on the floor on a mat with a bit of food might make him try stuff but it may take time.

Please try to to relax.

I will also add that I used to sing when I fed my boys. All the old songs from school, the Sound of Music, kids songs like weeks on the bus etc.

It would take all the tension away from what I was trying to get them to do/eat and generally made weaning less stressful I don't know why. They'd look at me with surprise or delight with big eyes and would open their mouths like baby birds in the end when I started to sing.

Literally have no idea why that worked for us, but sitting all tense and silent will not help the situation so maybe try singing?

When weaning DD I’d put a blanket down on the living room floor (for crumbs), make myself a sandwich but also have some sliced cheese, some buttered bread/toast “fingers”, some apple slices etc. Then I’d eat on the floor while playing with her, and she’d just start showing more interest, picking up little bits, she’d just sort of gum at the apple and suck on the cheese at first. Then she started eating more as she got used to it.

Mine likes yoghurt. He needs to be spoon fed, though. Yoghurt and ice cream are the only things he’ll eat.

It’s very, very easy to tell someone to relax. I think I would probably have imagined similar: a nice smiley baby in a high chair with some food in front of him on the tray and he might pick it up and throw on the floor or throw it or put it to his mouth and down again. But that’s not at all what I’m describing here.

It’s just another thing I’ve failed at.

Maybe reset your thinking a bit and rather stressing about food as fuel start thinking about it as a fun sensory experience. Choose things for you to eat which are colourful etc and sit next to him and over do the this is yummy, mummy loves this, offer it and if it is a no continue eating and enjoying. Make meal times set, offer when he is not full and try and get back to a place where it is fun with no expectations. It will be interesting to see if he eats at nursery with others and follows their lead. Do not stop offering food but do stop worrying about it. It can take time and effort as anyone who has spent hour’s enthusing over a piece of broccoli will know!!

@ElderflowerRose A lot of good advice has already been posted but as someone with an 8month old as well, I can only offer my own experience.

We've started weaning but I'm not focusing on doing three meals a day. It's hard but try not to concentrate on ensuring he has 'meals'. Some days he has a bowl of porridge mid-morning, some days he has toast for lunch, some days he just has his milk.

To be honest, even when I do feed him food, he always wants some milk afterwards so the food aspect is not about feeding him - that's what the milk is for. He doesn't eat much food so I'm happy to just let him play with it and some of it goes in his mouth

Take a break if you need to, it's not worth getting yourself upset at this stage. PM if you want to chat further and swap tips

Think you've made a good decision to just take a break OP, and ffs don't listen to the posters recommending quavers and wotsits - far too salty and full of crap!

I think the recommendation of a table is a good one if you can find the space for it - if your son is active he'll possibly see the high chair as a bit of a prison, but if you're sat next to him then it's an activity you're doing together at the same height. But maybe just see how it goes at nursery and take it from there

You haven't failed, don't be so negative. He's learning to eat, you are learning to feed him, takes ages. Everything you describe sounds totally normal, there's no negative associations causing what you are seeing as problems. Certainly the first 6 months I weaned my bab he just chucked it around or sucked on it, that's the weaning, not really the eating. He didn't like a high chair either, couldn't really sit properly till 9 months. Loads of great suggestions about sharing your own meals, or pinics. Keep offering food, keep feeding him milk, calm down.

Thanks, yes, I think I’ll just let nursery sort it!

You haven't failed. Your posts sound like you feel so deflated and fed up with it all.

You really do need a table if you can squeeze it in. Model eating to him and let him see you eat.
Buy Ella's pouches and squeeze a bit out at a time so the rest isn't wasted. Then use the pouch again later. It's safe to do this as long as you put the first bit in a bowl.

Every meal you have, put him somewhere he can see you eating and talk/sing to him but without expecting him to eat anything. Just let him see you eat.

My daughter ate crispy things only - so rice cakes, breadsticks etc- no purée. She liked olives, ham, artichokes, grilled mushrooms etc! Used to grab them from my plate. She didn't really eat solid food for meals until she was over 1. My son seemed to be the opposite. Dramatically gagged on anything that wasn't smooth. Jars of rice pudding and baby porridge were his staple! Both really not eating meals of solid food until they were at least 1. My friend with similar aged babies gleefully spooning in homemade portions of loveliness all over the place. What I'm trying to say is at the moment it is worrying but if probably won't be in a couple of months. Just feed him his milk and let him explore food when you eat. Good luck!

It’s just another thing I’ve failed at.

You haven’t failed OP. Babies are all different and some take longer to get interested in food, that’s all.

I’d be willing to bet this will improve no end once he’s in nursery. The little blighters all do things and eat things in nursery they refuse to at home! The staff will be used to dealing with babies like this.

In the meantime I’d do stuff like have an indoor picnic at home, you eat and enjoy with him there, little cut up bits he could manage. But give him no pressure to try. Just have the stuff there if he wants it. You might find the first few times he doesn’t join in, but I bet he does after a while. You could sit some teddies and toys down with you and pretend to feed them, make it a fun game. Key is to take the pressure off you and him. He’s having milk and is fine nutritionally right now.

Re the food waste, I totally hear you and grieved over it as well, but try to let this go too. It seems to just be a part of this phase. It’s not forever. He’ll get there.

Yeah I think I will just try with nursery. It’s so close now that it’s pointless to keep trying with solids, I’m getting nowhere, doesn’t matter if it is a pouch or BLW or whatever. You’re all lovely but I do think I’ve messed it up, probably been too keen / tense and he’s picked up on this.

OK so he likes yougart and ice cream. That's a start. If you load the spoon will he take the spoon and put it in his mouth?

Forget doing 3 meals for him. That sounds soul destroying.

Do yougart for breakfast.
And be prepared to share your lunch and dinner.

You haven't failed. Trust me he'll learn soon enough.

My youngest was baby led, he wouldnt touch purees and till doesn't eat gooey, slimey stuff (banana, mango etc, won't touch them) or lots of sauce.
Hence I went baby led, so much less stressful but he wanted what I had rather than his own.

@ElderflowerRose children like to do things at their own pace and in their own way. Don’t think you have messed it up.

Thanks, but I am going to leave it for a while, it’s really making me very stressed and this obviously isn’t good for ds either. He won’t take a loaded spoon no, that makes him cry.

If he likes yoghurts, just feed them (obviously not for every meal) and hopefully you will be able to build up from there

I would sit at the dining table with your dinner with him on your knee and eat your dinner.

Then progress to him sitting in his highchair pushed up to the table whilst you eat your dinner/lunch/breakfast.

You offer food from your plate part way through and he can take it or leave it.

I found weaning quite stressful too. We don't have a dinner table or anything we could all sit at together and eat.

We got this in the end and put it on the floor and I'd sit with him and just eat a bit of fruit or whatever. Maybe a coincidence but I think it really helped as we were both more comfortable. I done a kind of reset too for a few days, then just tried again with single fruit or veg purées and he got on fine. Like you say, I think you just expect them to eat. Could baby also be teething and not wanting to eat because he's in pain?

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I mean after taking a break from it all but I think he needs to witness you sitting at the table to eat so it becomes "normal"

We don’t have a table, I think I explained this in my opening post. I’m sure he’ll eat at nursery, I’m quite glad not to have to worry about it, to be honest.

Floor picnic for your lunch with him playing beside you. Have some of those puff snacks (look like wotsits) eat some yourself with lots of oh yummy noises, feed some to his teddy etc. Leave some near him but don't keep trying him to eat them. I think you need to tread very carefully if he's so against food. How about finding a baby friend so he can copy them? Cartoons about picnics, cooking, eating etc.

Both mine first are what they nicked off my plate while sitting on my lap. Just sit and eat and make it something easy to steal and chew (they both may have started with chips)