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Weaning

Find weaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Weaning forum. Use our child development calendar for more information.

Original poster

I need to start over - please help me

108 replies

ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 08:10

Weaning my baby has been a disaster.

Started just shy of six months on HV advice - he’d dropped a centile. Started very diligently with vegetables, but everything was refused.

I’m not really looking for suggestions as to what I can give him as I have absolutely loads of recipes and things I could give him. What I need to know is how to reset the button.

At the moment, he cries when you put his bib on, he cries when he’s in his high chair. He’s obviously got very negative associations with food. So for now the bib is in the bin and the high chair in the garage. I’m going to completely leave it for a week.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can do this again and do it right this time? No table so can’t sit him there.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/08/2021 10:50

Sorry not sure why I missed that bit. I would really try and get a table doesn't have to big but from his point of view being sat high up and offered food is an alien concept.

I'm sure nursery will help massively.

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 10:56

Like I say I’m just going to let nursery deal with it … I am finding it horribly stressful and very upsetting.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/08/2021 10:59
Thanks

It will work out I know plenty of children that had huge issues around food when little and they all eat plenty as older teens!

KingdomScrolls · 14/08/2021 11:08

Have you got any support OP? You sound very down on yourself , this really isn't your fault he'll eat when he's ready and yes nursery will help because he'll see other children eat but that isn't a negative reflection on you or your attempts

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 11:13

I know, it just feels a bit rubbish when you realise your child is better with anybody but you.

OP posts:
Lockdownbear · 14/08/2021 11:26

@ElderflowerRose

I know, it just feels a bit rubbish when you realise your child is better with anybody but you.
He's not better with everyone but you. People give you the edited version "Oh he was great ERose no bother at all (he just wouldn't eat, but I concluded he wasn't hungry) he was absolutely great, I'll watch him anytime"

Exactly the same as the competitive sleepers "mine sleeps all night (he only wakes for a bum change and a feed but goes back to bed)"

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 11:32

It’s hard to explain. I do feel as though I’ve failed at it. I mean in a way I have, since he won’t really eat for me or at home at all, and in a sense it doesn’t matter, I don’t really know why I’m so upset by it.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/08/2021 11:37

It's understandable that you are upset. It's a blip, a phase and "this too will pass".

Focus on the things you enjoy together, playing, singing, learning to sit and stand. Out to the playground, making him laugh. Him enjoying his milk!!

Willthewashingeverend · 14/08/2021 12:17

I totally don't think you have failed, you are being very hard on yourself. I do think you are expecting a bit too much though. A huge proportion of babies don't really eat much for the first couple of months so this is pretty normal. Their main source of nutrition before age 1 is milk but weaning starts around 6 months to give them that time to develop the skills for replacing milk at 12 months. I would definitely have a short break and reset. If I were you, I would start with 1 meal per day (I would go with lunch) and both have some pieces of things like avocado. Just put 2 pieces or so on their tray and wait and see. You demonstrate you chewing and enjoying in an emphasised way. If they don't eat anything, don't stress, just take them out and try again the next day. If you are on instagram, there are some amazing pages I follow that helped me when I was weaning DS. @sr_nutrition @feedinglittles @babyledfeeding. The other thing you could do is have some playtime using the highchair so they get used to being in it without the pressure of eating. Check out @play.hooray for ideas on playtime in the highchair. I found weaning way more stressful than I thought it would be but we got there in the end. Don't stress if your little one eats more at nursery than at home. This is totally normal as they are eating with their peers and they all copy each other. Mine barely eats at home after a nursery day as he's eaten so much there. He also eats a heap of things there that I cannot get him to eat at home.

ArthurApples · 14/08/2021 12:18

If he's not ready, he's not ready, please don't worry and don't be upset. I honestly wish I'd waited till he was older, did 6 months of finding it hard, didn't really get going until he was one. The thing about it only being for fun until one, thats exactly it, its not about nutrition, or skills, or development, offering food, letting them try, learning yourself too is all its for. They are learning to use their little mouths, tongues, swallowing things that aren't milk, using their hands, the muscles get stronger, it takes time and they're all so different. You sound really unhappy, is there anything you can do about that? Support from other mums, swapping experiences, here or in real.life can really help put your own difficulties into perspective and give a bit of solidarity.

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 12:35

It’s a really difficult one because he is ready, I think he’s just terrified to be honest Sad

OP posts:
Lockdownbear · 14/08/2021 12:39

What makes you think he's ready?
Has he tried to steal your dinner yet?

That is when they are truly ready. I remember stressing out with my first. The second was far easier once I'd accepted he's an independent little sod who needs to be in control.

ArthurApples · 14/08/2021 12:43

He's not got any of these strong feelings you are describing, but you do. What can you do to help your low mood and anxiety OP?

Lockdownbear · 14/08/2021 12:46

What makes you think he's terrified?
He's a baby, he might not be interested, but unless he's been fed something roasting hot or ultra spicy, which I very much doubt he has nothing to be frightened of when it comes to food.

Oh yeh, I bought a shed load of Ella's fruit pouches on offer. DS2 refused to eat them. But would happily sack them when I put them in baby ice lolly moulds. On his terms!

Lockdownbear · 14/08/2021 12:47

Suck them, auto correct. Not sack.

MattyGroves · 14/08/2021 12:57

Can you use the yoghurt as a building block?

Get some nice plain yogurt and add to it - you can dip some veg in it, e.g. cucumber or carrot and see if that sparks his interest. You can put fruit in it and spoon feed him. One of mine really liked yoghurt on toast

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 13:01

No - I won’t be trying to wean him now. I scared him this morning and feel horrible. It’s just too stressful.

OP posts:
twinningatlife · 14/08/2021 13:08

@ElderflowerRose

Like I say I’m just going to let nursery deal with it … I am finding it horribly stressful and very upsetting.

In the nicest possible way it isn't the nursery's responsibility to wean your child - they aren't 1-2-1 and will have other children to feed too

Although they will have dedicated meal times around a table where he can watch other children eat and he should gain confidence from that

I think you've had your confidence knocked and that's understandable. Step away from it all for a few days and try again next week when you are feeling calmer and try some of the tips that people have given on here

Lockdownbear · 14/08/2021 13:11

I think you've had your confidence knocked and that's understandable. Step away from it all for a few days and try again next week when you are feeling calmer and try some of the tips that people have given on here

This, chill out about the whole thing. Take a break from it.
You sound so stressed. In a few months you'll look back and think what was I stressing about.

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 13:12

I don’t think I said it was, it’s simply that he starts there in two weeks anyway, and I can’t do it, so he might as well start there. It he doesn’t then from what everyone’s said it doesn’t matter anyway.

OP posts:
User16838 · 14/08/2021 14:36

I don’t think it’s useful for you to have the attitude of “I can’t wean him/I can’t do it”. Yes he will learn from nursery but you also need to do things to build on it at home.

I understand you’re stressed but you really don’t need to be as this is a very common and normal thing. I don’t see why you “can’t” do it. You just mean you’re finding it upsetting. Is there a reason why it’s upsetting you so much? Are you worried about his development more broadly? Or has the HV worried you about the weight thing? Your comment of “it’s just another thing I’ve failed at” implies that there’s more going on here. You need to try and separate it all out.

Believe me I do know how you feel. I felt like I had done everything wrong with DD1. She didn’t seem to take to things like other babies, although in hindsight I can see that she did some things just fine but I focused in on the differences and convinced myself that I must have been doing something wrong. I had PND for the whole first year of her life.

ArthurApples · 14/08/2021 15:36

@User16838 totally agree with you. Weaning is practice, they don't learn how to do something the first time you try, same with sitting, walking, potty training or whatever as they grow. You can't just say I can't/won't with kids, because its hard, its up to you and no one else. No one has said it doesn't matter if you don't do this op, just that it doesn't matter what babies eat when they are weaning, that it doesn't matter how it goes, because that's the point, its a process. You've asked for help, advice and you're upset, rejecting everything. You haven't wasted money or time feeding your child. Don't sulk about it, keep trying. Are you ok? I was convinced I'd choke him, weaning, scared of the whole process, exaggerated fears that made it all very anxious. It gets easier.

Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 15:38

No one is sulking. Being upset and sulking are not the same things. I’ve simply said what my plan going forwards is so we can wrap the thread up.

OP posts:
StarDrawers · 14/08/2021 15:41

@ElderflowerRose

Mine likes yoghurt. He needs to be spoon fed, though. Yoghurt and ice cream Hmm are the only things he’ll eat.

It’s very, very easy to tell someone to relax. I think I would probably have imagined similar: a nice smiley baby in a high chair with some food in front of him on the tray and he might pick it up and throw on the floor or throw it or put it to his mouth and down again. But that’s not at all what I’m describing here.

It’s just another thing I’ve failed at.

You've found be likes yoghurt. Have you tried putting things in yoghurt? Or porridge? It is tricky but you might find all of a sudden he gets an appetite for food. Has he got many teeth? When he gets those me might like the sensation of chewing more?
Original poster
ElderflowerRose · 14/08/2021 15:44

Yes, very possibly. I’m sure it will be fine once he’s at nursery and it isn’t such an emotional process as it is at home Smile

OP posts: