Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

Don't change - it's something that is important to you and your immediate family.

I'm not vegan and the vast majority of vegan food has been disappointing for me, so I wouldn't actively choose a vegan restaurant, but it's possibly just my experience and there is better food out there. I certainly would not complain to the couple about it. That is incredibly rude. Would you share / have you shared the restaurant menus with guests? That might be reassuring for those unfamiliar with vegan food, so they know what to expect. If they really couldn't see themselves being able to eat it, they know to have a big breakfast before or whatever. Chances are they can eat it, even if it's not their first choice,

If they thought anything of you they would just 'get over it', its one meal ffs! Whats the matter with some people! I'm vegan so I totally get why you'd want it a vegan/vegetarian restaurant. Do not change the venue just because of these entitled selfish twats.

I’m not a vegan but would happily eat a vegan meal for a celebration like this if the people celebrating were vegan. I think if someone has a quite infantile palette (not being rude, my husband is like this but he’d have to suck it up and he wouldn’t complain) then they might struggle, but that’s not a reason to change what you want do for your celebration.

I’m a huge meat eater, this wouldn’t bother me, I’d find something I liked on the menu and always good to branch out and try new things!
my response would be….
thats a shame you can’t make it, Thankyou for letting me know”

your wedding your choice. Hope the day goes amazing. X

What kind of twat would take meat snacks to a vegan wedding? Apart from totally disrespectful, obviously.

I married a carnivore. A day without meat is like a day without sun for him. But he says that he would be a massive TWAT if he refused to go to a relative or friend's wedding because the meal would be vegan. One meal - your relatives are being massively unreasonable and spiteful. Perhaps they are nervous that the food will be too exotic, or spicy, or something unfamiliar to them. What a shame they will miss a joyous occasion because they are so shortsighted about ONE meal out of their entire lives.

And no one is ‘starving’ because they can’t eat one meal. If you really can’t eat a single thing on the menu, eat before you go and just have some table bread or something. But I think someone being a picky eater is generally their issue to solve really. My husband is a fairly picky eater but that’s his issue, if we go to places where they don’t have anything he will eat for a celebration or special occasion then he has to make do as best he can. He wouldn’t dream of asking someone to change the venue because of his food issues.

Why is it OK for guests to bring their own food the other way round as the prior poster said.? Most weddings do cater for other people's dietary preferences is the point I am making - this bride is choosing not to. Her being vegan is a preference but she is choosing not to recognise other guests' preferences. Is that not also disrespectful?

There was a buffet but there nothing for our group at all, not even a vegan 'sausage' roll! Everything had meat or fish in it so we couldn't eat anything. A meat eater can eat veggie or vegan so why are they moaning?

Unless you have severe allergies, a Vegan can eat meat, they just choose not to. Why is it only the meat eaters that have no autonomy in this situation? Such double standards.

To a PP, of course I eat fruit, and that's lovely, what I detest though is the meat substitutes that are often used in Vegan meals, like Tofu or plant based sausages and the like. They are mostly rank! I think some Vegans traded in their taste buds when they stopped eating meat, fish and dairy.

If it was reversed and a loved one chose a restaurant that didn't have vegan options would Op go to the wedding ? Would she eat steak because 'it's just one meal' ?

🤣🤣 Declining an invite on the basis you don’t like the food being served?
A vegan declining a steak-bake is trash then, in the same vein, yes?

People saying they wouldn't eat a vegan meal... do they think they will get cooties if there's no corpse on the plate? What do they think vegans eat! I'm sure everyone eats plenty of vegan food inadvertently.

OP, have you chosen the menu, if sp what is it?

You' d eat them in your car or the bathroom presumably although it does seem unnecessary.

I couldn't have done vegan for my wedding or had anything particularly fancy, as my dad and several older relatives like only really plain meat and three veg type food, and otherwise wouldn't have had anything they could eat. For me, the comfort of those guests was more important than a more exciting meal choice.

Is that why vegans choose not to eat meat in case they get cooties (whatever that is)? I don't know any meat eaters getting cooties from waring meat.

I don't argue with stupid. Answer your own silly questions.

I hope you have an amazing wedding @WeddingProblem . As the thread shows, there are always one or two completely self-absorbed individuals who live without respect for others. Most people aren't like that, thankfully.

I would bet that their issue is that they are a picky eater rather than they object to 1 meal without meat. The problem with a lot of vegan food is that it usually involves lots of different flavours and textures all thrown in together, which is a nightmare for a picky eater.
If they do raise it, I would gently enquire whether their issue is the lack of meat, or whether they are worried they won't find something 'safe' to eat. If it is the latter, I'm sure the restaurant can cook up something simple like the pasta and garlic bread pp mentioned above, so they can feel confident that they will be able to join in with the meal.

The bride doesn't want catering as it's done at most weddings. She wants vegan food made by people who know how to make it, not some afterthought bit of cheap root vegetable wrapped unseasoned in pastry. She probably doesn't want to pay to support meat consumption either. It's her day and her prerogative.

I would not be changing the restaurant (even if you were the only vegan attending). They really can't think much of you/are incredibly self-absorbed if that will stop them celebrating your wedding. (Though if you're paying for a hotel it's presumably a bit of a distance away so this may be more of a last straw?)

I'd be tempted to respond with something more like "Really? You aren't coming to my wedding because you won't eat a meal that doesn't contain animal products? That's your hill to die on? Well, I guess I know where I stand with you." than "Sorry you won't make it, but we understand.". But your version is better.

You are paying for the food and drinks so that's that!

How entitled and rude of your guests.

If they cannot attend, enjoy what's on offer then it's better if they don't attend.

No of course it's not! "not vegan" isn't a preference it's twattishness.
Most food is vegan. If you order chicken with chips and roast veggies then it's likely the chips and veggies are vegan. Do meat eaters refuse to eat them and only eat the chicken? No, they don't.

OP you have the food you want at your wedding, it doesn't exclude anyone, they're just being rude.

Indeed it is. My first post says your wedding your choice. But she is also mow aware that the choice may mean family members aren't attending so it is up to her whether she wants them there or not. Personally I would cater to the widest number of people as I want them to have the best time possible at my wedding. And I can still eat what I want without forcing it on others.

When looking at wedding food options the aim was to try and cater for everyone. I did not think I will only have food that I would eat. I am not a veggie, not a vegan, but certainly catered for them.

While I would decline your wedding as well, I would never bring it up. Certainly don't change the venue.

Honestly, this sounds like the trash taking itself out. Let them.
I hope you have a lovely day, in which no living creatures are harmed. 💕