Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

I eat meat and I also love trying vegetarian dishes, especially if I am out. I would have no problem at all having a vegan meal at your wedding. It's your day and its one meal, it's not as though your asking them to eat vegan for a week.

My mum is 80 and has always been a very plain eater, doesn't touch pasta or anything with a sauce, her veg choices are limited to peas or carrots. I can see her worrying about wasting a meal or what she might eat but she'd never not go to a wedding of someone that cared about because she didn't like their food choice. She might have a soup and a sweet as she loves all things sweet and decline the main course but she wouldn't make a fuss. She'd just be happy to be sharing the day with everyone.

@Toastythesnowman , 'Ah but I like Vegetarian Food'

I love food and am vegetarian. I don't like the food people think of as 'vegetarian food' (mushroom risotto, goats cheese, beetroot)

Your wedding your choice. We went to a vegan wedding once in our mid 20s. Got very drunk because we probably didn't eat enough but tried everything happily. Some wasn't to our taste and that's fine. (What confused us was cheese that looked like chips). We did go off to Sainsbury's down the road to get some meal deals in the evening purely to stomach alcohol but think the bride and groom hardly noticed we were gone for 10/15 mins as they were hitting the dancefloor hard! Your relatives are being difficult.

If people can't handle eating vegan food for one day or eating before/after, then it is their problem. Also a lot of these people would have vegan and vegetarian food regularly but they just don't brand it vegan so then it is somehow fine.

I'm a committed Omnivore, but I always enjoy a vegan meal. My ex-vege DH is actually the issue, doesn't like mushrooms or aubergine which is often the main substance of a lot of vegan abd vegetarian meals.
He would still come cos he loves a good wedding and his friends and family.
There is no choice of food at most weddings so you just eat around anything you don't like!

My MIL would genuinely struggle with vegan food as she has various complicated gut issues and gets genuine problems if she has too much fibre. She can't eat any pulses or alliums and mostly eats plain chicken with carrots. But she wouldn't complain about a vegan wedding. If the person paying has an ethical objection to the meat industry then obviously zero of their budget will be going to the meat industry. She would just take along a littlr tupperware tub with something she can eat.

Don't change your restaurant, it's one day and vegan food won't harm anyone. I wanted a vegetarian wedding because I wanted to enjoy all the food on offer on the day. I let my mum (who was paying towards it) talk me out of it because she said it was selfish when most of the guests were not veggie and her friends who were attending (another thread in itself ) wouldn't eat a veggie meal. She ended up picking the menu for the meat and fish options and I still feel irked nearly 20 years later!

How lovely for all your veggie and vegan friends to be able to go a wedding where they have a choice of food and don't have to put up with a dismal mushroom risotto. I reckon a lot of the meat eaters will also be thrilled not to have a dull chicken supreme.

I can see some things relevant to both sides. My Mum's vegetarian and her approach to meat has mostly been a recoil out of disgust//horror for 70 years, but she is also not able to eat things like beans, pulses or lentils because of digestive issues, and they usually do creep into things because of their 'protein substitute' status.

I held an anniversary party a year or 2 ago and although the catering was mixed (from external sources), the venue only had vegan caterers and were specific about drinks etc. that they served. They produced the most amazing vegan cheese scones and cakes, everyone couldn't get enough of them but we didn't even mention they were vegan. They were just the house specials.

Definitely 'your wedding, have something that will make you happy'. But my thought would be to canvass some non-vegans with food that they (and maybe children if this applies) might be more enthusiastic to see on the menu if they are worried about things being fancy or too far from what they would have no issues eating or seeing in a supermarket fridge.

Well, I’ve seen this as it’s on active… not my usual board as a meat eater. However, I’m happy to chip in and say of course I’d be fine with vegan food at a vegan’s wedding! I’d be totally up for the experience

It’s my aunt and uncle, but if they don’t come, at least one of my cousins probably won’t come and it’ll cause a lot of drama that I really don’t want. We are actually paying for a hotel for them on the night of our wedding so it’s even more hurtful that they would be like this. 😢

Unless they have multiple allergies, they sound a bit pathetic to be honest. No one has to eat meat/fish/dairy three times a day. I would just tell them that it's OK if they don't want to come and leave it at that. Why would one of your cousins not coming cause a lot of drama? They can accept the invitation or decline. You don't need to get into a long discussion about it.

This is what it’s like as a vegan all the time. There is often nothing at all we can eat. But we just deal with it.

It’s simply not true that meat eaters can’t eat vegan (I know this post is being more honest and saying ‘wouldn’t’ rather than ‘couldn’t’) but really, give it a go.

Vegan food in a vegan restaurant will be exponentially better than the one vegan option given begrudgingly in a meat focused place, which is often terrible. You’d probably be pleasantly surprised.

I wouldn’t go to a wedding with a vegan menu.

I don't suppose you'd be missed.

I wouldn't choose vegan myself - too many bad vegan restaurants with boring food, using UPF ingredients. But one meal wouldn't worry me.

Although I think I might have chosen a restaurant with a variety of dishes, so everyone is catered for.

It’s my aunt and uncle, but if they don’t come, at least one of my cousins probably won’t come and it’ll cause a lot of drama that I really don’t want. We are actually paying for a hotel for them on the night of our wedding so it’s even more hurtful that they would be like this. 😢
Are they butchers or abattoir owners or something?

The person who passed this on to you should have kept quiet as it’s now caused you some worry that you didn’t need. Chances are the people in question won’t say anything and will come along and enjoy the food along with everyone else and if they do have a problem it’s their loss. It’s completely unreasonable to expect you to serve food at your own wedding that goes against your beliefs.

Just chiming in to agree with other vegetarians and vegans about the decades of misery we have suffered through by only being offered a mushroom risotto or my personal bugbear a beetroot and goats cheese tart. If we are lucky anyway. I am not a fan of mush or aubergine ( texture) but when my friend served up a mushroom and aubergine stir fry once my only reaction was thankfulness for her trying and I ate the lot. ( and it tasted better than I expected too).

Whilst I agree your wedding your choice what would you do if you had a family member hold their wedding with no vegan choice of meal? I also realise that non vegans can eat vegan but not vice versa. But I guess it depends whether you want those people there or not and conversely whether they want to come or not.

I never understand why people get so wound up by food at weddings. Generally it's one meal. So you put some snacks in your bag and scope out what's around food wise just in case.

Because it not being vegan or vegetarian is no guarantee it's going to be edible - I've lost count of the number of inedible "chicken-in-some-sort-of-sauce" meals I've been served at weddings over the years.

We had a vegan wedding meal - we were paying and as has been said, it was one meal. We told everyone to stock up with bacon at breakfast if they really couldn’t cope. I have a couple of uncles who still haven’t got over it over a decade later 🤣 but nobody died.

No it’s not rude to have different tastes, it is rude to make someone else’s wedding about you by slating the food/drink choices which the bride/groom are paying for, threaten not to come because of those choices and moan about it to a third party knowing that it will get back to the wedding party!

It's one meal and they're not even paying for it! Suck it up and get some chicken nuggets on the way home, I say.

Your relative is being ridiculous and I agree with your partner and friends that they can decline if they don’t like it. The idea that someone can’t fucking suck up not having meat or dairy for one day is pathetic. If they had significant dietary requirements themselves then that can be discussed but they clearly don’t.

I eat meat and it wouldn’t bother me at all.

Also seeing as it is a restaurant, if you really wanted to appease ridiculous guests (I wouldn't) you could always ask for the venue to have a "safe" option for the really fussy people. Like tomato pasta with garlic bread. Yes they might feel a big like they've been fed off a children's menu, but they are behaving like children so can't really complain.

I think a lot of people on here going on about fake meats and cheeses and UPFs have never eaten in a vegan restaurant. They tend to have none of these.

Your wedding, your choice. Do not change a thing.
WHO would not eat a vegan meal? How very odd. Fuck'm -they can stay home if what they get to eat (for free!) matters more to them than your nuptuals. (Omnivore here - wouldn't even think twice about a vegan meal. Happy to eat anything).