Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

I am amazed that anyone would think it acceptable to ask you to move your wedding celebration to a different venue to fit their personal choice of food! Unbelievable, CFs!

But it is. It's part of the choice to follow that religion. It's not a physical allergy which is out of the person's control.

Incidentally, I have come across many religious people who quietly break their rule and have the occasionally bit if alcohol or bacon sandwich, but I've never met a vegan who compromises*. I'm not judging any of them, they're all friends and colleagues that I like. But it demonstrates the lifestyle choice thing.

*I just remembered that I forgot that I'd put honey in something that I'd put at the vegan end of the table when I made a buffet for a family occasion. When I, slightly panicky, told the vegan relative, she said she didn't worry about a bit of honey, and ate it anyway.

telling others who are not vegans to suck it up for the day
To suck it up for ONE meal, at an event the point of which is supposed to be to witness and enjoy someone you love getting married and feeling cherished, excited and special.

Honestly, anyone who was more concerned about whether they'd get a beef Wellington than wishing my and my husband love and happiness, they wouldn't be welcome at my wedding anyway and it'd be a better day without them.

I say that as an omnivore who's been to many weddings where I've 'sucked up' being presented with rubber chicken/lukewarm pies/soggy vegetable tarts/many other examples of mediocre mass catering. I would not dream of kicking up a fuss about the food at a wedding, for any reason. Anyone who does is simply graceless and rude.

*telling others who are not vegans to suck it up for the day
To suck it up for ONE meal, at an event the point of which is supposed to be to witness and enjoy someone you love getting married and feeling cherished, excited and special.
Honestly, anyone who was more concerned about whether they'd get a beef Wellington than wishing my and my husband love and happiness, they wouldn't be welcome at my wedding anyway and it'd be a better day without them.
I say that as an omnivore who's been to many weddings where I've 'sucked up' being presented with rubber chicken/lukewarm pies/soggy vegetable tarts/many other examples of mediocre mass catering. I would not dream of kicking up a fuss about the food at a wedding, for any reason. Anyone who does is simply graceless and rude.
I agree. I am not a vegan.
Anyway its not even a full day.
People can have what ever they want to eat before they leave to go the wedding, they can eat their choice on the way home ir when they get home.
People are absolutely bonkers.

Well then if I invite a vegan for a bbq I will tell them to 'suck it up for one meal' and just eat some meat.

The double standards are terrible. Meat-eaters are expected to cater for vegans. Yet vegans are not expected to cater for meat-eaters. Then stuff vegans then. They can eat meat for one meal. "suck it up!"

I'm not sure if you genuinely don't understand that a vegan cannot eat meat for ethical and/or health reasons, while someone who does eat meat is not ONLY a meat-eater ie will not be rendered unable to eat anything and left hungry if there is no meat available.
Or if you're just repeatedly making the same really silly argument for the sake of it. I could hazard a guess though

IME of vegans coming to barbecues, they will bring something like veggie burgers or sausages for themselves, and often a delicious side or salad for everyone as well. You know, act with a modicum of social grace and generosity. In marked contrast to your scenario of telling vegans to 'just eat some meat' at a barbecue

You don’t serve anything except meat at your BBQs? No bread, no sides etc?

Why are people so obtuse.

You eat meat and vegetables and dairy and grains and fruit etc. For one day, one of those food groups will be missing. You'll still have lots of foods you otherwise eat.

Vegans eat vegetables and grains and fruit etc. Telling them to eat meat means expecting them to add two food groups they are ethically opposed to eating.

You are not ethically opposed to eating vegetables.
You are ethically required to eat meat with every meal.

Telling a Muslim to eat beef or a Jew to eat Pork or, vegan to eat a beef burger with an egg on top, all of that goes against deep rooted ethicals and beliefs.

Please, share with us the wisdom where you have to eat meat every meal for similar reasons.

And your bowel habits.

I worry for the health of these people who only eat meat and daiey. Imagine having sausage and eggs for breakfast, a selection of meats and cheeses for lunch then something like hunters chicken with no fresh sides every day. Never any fruit or veg, no vegan chocolate torre 😍😍😍. Milk in every drink. Dairy in every dessert.
And I say that as someone about to eat bacon for lunch

Some people need things explained with Fuzzy Felt.

No, we don't buy that bs. Vegans (except allergies, and I don't know anyone who is allergic to meat) CAN eat meat, they choose not to. It's no more 'ethical' than a person who does eat meat.

You know, act with a modicum of social grace and generosity.

Again, the irony! The double standards. If vegans 'acted with a modicum of social grace and generosity' and catered for meat-eaters, then we'll do the same.

Omg I love fuzzy felt

No, we don't buy that bs.
Ah, OK, you're definitely just trolling.

If vegans 'acted with a modicum of social grace and generosity' and catered for meat-eaters, then we'll do the same.
Can you help me to understand: how is providing food that someone can eat NOT 'catering for someone who eats meat? Assuming of course that the hypothetical person is not an obligate carnivore but is an omnivore?

Me too! Hadn't thought about it in years. I used to love the underwater one.

They are catering for meat eaters. They are providing food that fits within a meat eater’s diet.

I don’t eat everything I ever choose to consume as part of my regular diet at every meal. Why is it such a hardship not to eat meat or dairy for one meal?

I think saying someone doesn't eat meat for 'ethical' reasons is trolling.

And no, not providing a choice of meat dishes is not providing for meat eaters.

No they're not. They're not providing meat dishes as a choice.

Conversely, why is it such a hardship to eat meat or dairy for one meal?

Edit - accidental duplicate post

But nowhere provides everything a person could possibly eat as a choice.

Surely you wouldn’t go to a wedding and complain they didn’t have pizza as a choice, or lobster, or a cheeseboard, or chicken tikka masala, or whatever else you happen to fancy that day?

They are providing food that fits within a meat eater’s dietary requirements. That is all I’d expect anyone to do.

Do you never eat a meal without meat? That sounds very unhealthy.

I think saying someone doesn't eat meat for 'ethical' reasons is trolling.
I'm interested to hear the reasoning behind that, please?

And no, not providing a choice of meat dishes is not providing for meat eaters. OK, I'm pretty sure you're just being obtuse on purpose, but on the off-chance that you're genuinely having a problem comprehending:
Do you think it's the case that someone who eats meat MUST eat meat every time they eat?
If you do, then that suggests that you believe people are obligate carnivores. Do you believe that?

Or are you saying you believe that someone who eats meat needs to eat meat every time they eat or they will not enjoy the food?

You are being deliberately obtuse and it makes you look stupid.

Humans are not obligate carnivores and are able to extract nutrition from non-meat sources. A meateater who has eaten a meal that doesn't contain meat has still been fed.

A vegan who doesn't eat meat for ethical reasons also clearly would not buy meat for other people to eat because that is absolutely clearly and logically just as unethical according to that ethical framework. Same as if you choose not to take cocaine for ethical reasons you probably wouldn't buy cocaine for your friends. If your religion forbids you from doing something e.g. working on the sabbath day it is ethically identically problematic to pay someone else to do that work. It is ok for people to have a different ethical framework to you and you clearly have a problem with respecting that which makes you the problem here.

I think there should be choice. A person deliberately choosing a place that doesn't serve meat is making an ideological statement, not being generous to their guests.

How is laying on food (and, in this case, paying for a hotel) not being generous to their guests?
(assuming the guests are not obligate carnivores).

No, it's you who is being obtuse. Humans are meant to eat meat. Our teeth show this. Meat and dairy are vital to health - and no, I am not going to eat 5 plates of spinach to get the same iron I would get from a steak, and pop vitamin pills.

The 'ethical' argument is just a convenient excuse to treat guests badly. I have an ethical reason for eating meat. I believe in a healthy diet and I believe in the food chain and the circle of life. Why is it only vegans that should be respected, and not meat-eaters. If you genuinely can't see the double standards, you're being well beyond and past obtuse.

It is the deliberate choice of a place that does not serve meat or even dairy that is the issue. It's inflicting someone's ideological world view on guests.