Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

I was going to have no gifts until some family members got offended (why?!) so we then compromised to word the invites to say that if people really wanted to get us something, they could do charity donations. Family members were still offended 🙄. Had to laugh really, but I feel your pain!

@lookluv

oh Honey, no. No, it doesn’t.

Utter hypocrisy then and I say that as a Type 1 diabetic who was one in the era of pig and beef insulin bieng the only thing that would keep me alive.
Are your seriously telling me the vegans, vegetarians and other groups affected back then died rather than take an animal product to keep them alive - no they did not. Now we have genetically modified insulin this is moral dilemma is no lnger present .

However, in my lifetime I am pretty sure there have been vegans and vegetarians that have compromised their morals and ethical beliefs to stay laive.

Like I say a lifestyle choice.

You aren’t invited so you don’t need to concern yourself anymore with this. You’re wittering on about things that are irrelevant to my wedding and sound very silly.

https://www.vegansociety.com/resources/nutrition-and-health/medications

Haven’t you got a Jehovah’s Witness to go and argue with?

Moving on…..

I spoke with my Aunt and Uncle yesterday and they asked if we would consider moving it to a restaurant that will be ‘better for everyone’. It was mostly my uncle but my aunt did back him up at first. I told them that we wouldn’t be changing restaurants as we want to have good vegan food, rather than somewhere that doesn’t specialise in vegan food and explained that it wouldn’t be better for us.

My uncle had a moan but my aunt seemed to realise they were being cheeky. She says she’s coming with my cousin regardless and my uncle is thinking about it. I said that’s fine.

Glad you spoke with them, even if your uncle does sound somewhat entitled, and also glad you’ve stuck to your guns and are having the meal you and your partner agreed on.

I will never understand how some guests think they can dictate the terms of what they’ve been asked to. Or why people can’t have one meal that they wouldn’t necessarily choose, particularly if they aren’t paying.

No. This type of comment is what makes people intolerant of vegans because they don't like it when blunt, emotionally charged, language is used to describe eating meat.
If it then makes them decide they 'don't like vegan food' rather than not liking the language used by a vegan, then thays pretty silly of them. Because the taste of non animal products doesn't change because meat is described as 'dead animal'.
Vegans are not responsible for people eating meat. It's an excuse.

What have jehovahs witnesses got to do with the hypocrisy of vegans?

I find it mind-blowing @WeddingProblem , that they would try to persuade you to have your wedding meal somewhere else. The sense of entitlement is off the scale. I think your approach is great. I wouldn't have the patience, but you're being very measured about it.

I am also amazed at the entitlement of your uncle, especially the "better for everyone" comment! He meant better for him, not everyone, clearly. Glad your aunt and cousin will be coming regardless.

Silly man.

If you have any sort of dietary requirements you endure heaps of bad, unsuitable, or at best exceedingly dull food at other people's weddings. At your own you should have something you can really enjoy.

‘better for everyone’ Who does he think he is. Jog on, Uncle Tit, I say.

And what has hypocrisy to do with vegans?

Bore off!

You’ve missed the point. We are talking about what the OP wants to serve at her own wedding. She has relatives who refuse to attend because they don’t like the menu, ridiculous! The reasons the OP has for being a vegan are no ones business.

I think you will find I have supported the OP from the start. What I object to is the rudeness and double standards of people on this thread telling others who are not vegans to suck it up for the day but would not do likewise.

The failure of this cohort to string a coherent riposte to my point of view other than to eb insulting and tell em to bore off, demonstrates a narrow mindedness and a failure to accept others choices aswell.

I'd just say something like "that's fine, we'll miss you on the day" and leave it at that. I wouldn't change the restaurant to appease a few people, if they don't want to eat there, that's their problem and it shows how important you and your future husband are to them.

What would a vegan sucking it up mean for you?

I've eaten many meals that I didn't enjoy without complaining. I've been to steak houses for friends birthdays and just eaten sides. I've managed all day with bread and pretty plain salad when there were no other options. I've never asked anyone to change their choice of restaurant to suit me and I certainly wouldn't do so for a wedding.

What I wouldn't do though is eat meat, so if that's what you mean then no I wouldn't do it. But I wouldn't need to because I can survive on just sides for a day and I've never heard of anyone having any kind of celebration where the only food is just slabs of meat or cheese etc, as several people have pointed out multiple times on this thread.

Maybe you're just not aware that vegans and vegetarians are very used to just sucking it up without complaining. Many of us do it a lot.

I'm sure the restaurant OP will have picked will have delicious plant based options and since her relatives have no allergies or intolerances they will have plenty there they can enjoy, if they just open their minds a bit. Most humans eat vegetables, whether they are omnivores, vegetarians or vegans. I haven't met any obligate carnivores yet.

You don't see any ethical difference between 1) using lifesaving medication containing meat and 2) eating meat on a daily basis to please your palate?

You either believe in not killing animals for the benefit of humans or you do not. To pick and choose when you feel it is morally acceptable in your mind to do that - is utter hypocrisy and clearly demonstrates it is a lifestyle choice which can be compromised at any time at the whim of those who follow it.

Even if I agreed with your argument - which I don’t - why does that mean that OP shouldn’t have her choice of food at her wedding (given her partner is happy with it)? And why does that mean that meat-eaters can’t manage one meal without meat or dairy?

Vegan food is surely just food and part of a standard diet anyway? I’m a meat-eater myself, but that doesn’t make me an obligate carnivore!

You're very absolutist and simplistic @lookluv

Veganism as defined by the Vegan Society -

"Veganism is a philosophy and way of living which seeks to exclude—as far as is possible and practicable—all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose; and by extension, promotes the development and use of animal-free alternatives for the benefit of animals, humans and the environment. In dietary terms it denotes the practice of dispensing with all products derived wholly or partly from animals"

The bit you see as hypocritical is the "as far as is possible and practicable" comment, I think? But it is extremely possible and practicable to have vegan food at a wedding celebration. It may not be possible or practicable to find an non-animal alternative to a life saving medication, which is clearly a very rare and unusual situation to be in. It is still a coherent and meaningful philosophy to live your life by.

Well said @SilenceInside
I think the vast majority of humans have a moral compass that isn't absolutely fixed.
To take a more extreme example, consider killing a human being. Most of us would agree that it is fundamentally wrong and not something we would do. But faced with someone rushing towards you with an axe, someone trying to kill your child or someone about to detonate a bomb that will kill a large number of people, if you had to kill that person to stop them, I think most people would do it. Being willing to kill someone in a life saving situation doesn't mean that you'd think it was ok to kill someone for your convenience or just for fun. Probably if you'd killed in such curcumstances you'd agree that it wrong to kill another person and would have preferred not to have been in that situation, but in those particular circumstances you felt it was justifiable.
I would imagine it is the same for a vegan or vegetarian faced with needing an animal derived medication. Presumably they'd prefer not to take it and were there an alternative they'd pick that one, possibly even if it was less convenient or not quite as effective as the animal version. But if the animal derived drug was the only option then they'd take it. That's not hypocrisy, it is logic.
We all have our own lines in the sand. I'm an omnivore but there are some things I don't eat because I think they are uneccesarily cruel. I wouldn't eat foie gras for example and I try to buy locally produced higher welfare meat rather than factory farmed when possible. I wouldn't buy down but I do wear wool. I look for cosmetics that are not tested on animals but accept that any medication I need will have been. Just because someone "imperfect" in their ethical stance doesn't mean that the steps that they do take are of no value. If everyone took the point of view that the only options when it comes to moral and ethical issues were perfection or nothing, we'd have anarchy!