Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

It's one meal. Just one meal ! We can all cope with skipping one meal. We can all cope with picking out bits from a meal that we dont really like.
We do it because it is not about the one meal. It is about the wedding and the couple and just celebrating their day.
We may think the meal is awfil or shit or not what we'd have chosen. But we smile and act polite because it's not about us. And if we go to McDonald's on the way home so be it

Well yes. But no one just rocks up to a wedding like it’s a cinema trip and then goes to Maccys.
.
it’s a big event. Theres travel, logistics, dog sitters, outfits to chose/buy etc. It’s a long day with conventions and expectations alongside different friends and family.
It’s not unreasonable people get het up about the things that make it fun like thd food and drink.

The OP said they were getting married at a registry office and having a meal afterward. Certainly doesn't sound like a long day to me. Maybe a few hours max? Not every wedding is ridiculously overblown vanity project.

And not being surrounded by people eating dead animals/ getting off their faces is what makes it fun for the bride and groom. If a person thinks the only way to have fun is being complicit in the torture and killing of animals and taking mind altering substances, I don’t think it’s the bride and groom who have the issue tbh.

Spot on, Staringintothevoid616.

Now this type of comment is why people are anti vegan and immediately say they “don’t like vegan food”.

It’s not unreasonable people get het up about the things that make it fun like thd food and drink.
I've never been to a wedding thinking, 'Well, it'll be shite, but at least there'll be food and drink.'
I'm not a great socialiser and I do find wedding conventions and expectations difficult and stressful. But I'm always very touched to be invited to one, and my thoughts are largely about that, and about how nice it'll be to see my friend or whoever it is having a lovely day and looking happy alongside the love of their life.
If I got married I very much trust that my friends would think similar things about me, not 'I hope we get fed something decent, otherwise it's just going to be a drag.'

Op i can’t say i would be looking forward to it but i wouldn’t complain as its your choice. I would be fine with vegetarian food but vegan is not so great, however its one meal and its your day!

It’s has an awfully fleshy smell it’s quite nauseating

I definitely wouldn’t bring it up, as you have said let them raise it. It is the epitome of immaturity, imagine missing someone’s special day just because you have to go one meal without a dead animal on your plate! The mind boggles.

It’s not unreasonable people get het up about the things that make it fun like thd food and drink.

The vast majority of the time the food is unimaginative mass catering, indifferently cooked. The food is definitely not what makes a wedding fun.

One of my nieces and her husband are vegan and had a vegan wedding dinner. We didn't know in advance (we all thought it would be a mix of different foodstyles) but most of us reasoned "their wedding, their choice" and ate the food offered. One guest - a close familymember - decided it was absolutely rude to only offer vegan food. He really made a point of stomping of and loudly declaring why, so all the guests could "enjoy" his little tantrum. He stepped outside and refused to eat. I was shocked, because after all it was our niece who got married, it was a beautiful and festive day, why would you try and spoil that? My point is that it's better your aunt and uncle stay away from your wedding party, I don't think you will miss them 😊

"This type of comment" is perfectly acceptable on the Vegan board. If you're anti vegan, then don't read things that are posted on here. Try going on the Pregnancy board and saying you can't stand children.

Or fish or eggs.

We eat vegetarian food and vegan and yes I'm bloody bragging, because I make delicious meals. They take more thought and preparation then just cooking a slab of meat. I appreciate also that some folks just like meat, fine. But what's not to love, herbs, lentils, spices, veg, pulses, whatever. No one misses meat surely for one meal, unless they are cave dwellers and for a celebratory occasion like this? Seriously if you can't enjoy a wedding unless you have your meat and two veg then your loss.

yes i do usually have some form of egg dairy fish and meat in most of my meals - and i do eat vegetarian food but that has dairy quite often.

I cook from scratch most of the time because of my gut issues.

Op can do what she likes but expecting people to do somehting for just one meal - works both ways.

Oh for heavens sake, please move beyond this ridiculous argument

If they bring it up just say "We would of course have loved for you to celebrate our marriage with us and our invitation is absolutely still extended, however if you don't feel you want to because of the food choice we have decided on for our wedding meal, then we understand if you won't be able to come". Honestly I can not imagine valuing one meal of my life more than witnessing and celebrating the marriage of someone close enough to me that I get invited to their wedding. Some people. You are literally being as inclusive as possible! I've had many diets and have taken handbag snacks to hog roast weddings because I know there will be nothing for me to eat. That's what THEY want at THEIR wedding Not the point of a wedding is it 🙄

Can't wait to have my vegan lunch today. Normally I would say that I'm having a nice soup cause having vegan food shouldn't be such a huge deal.

It’s your wedding your arrangements . If the invited guests aren’t happy with your choice of restaurant, so be it, they don’t come! Do they expect you to choose a restaurant to please them? Either speak to them them that you choice is what you commit to. Sorry they see things differently.

I do have to say this is pure ignorance on the part of your family. Unfortunately as soon as the word 'Vegan' is mentioned, the ignorant are out in force. My son cooks vegan for his wife and the food is amazing. If I had not have been told, I would not have known, not that it would have bothered me in the slightest. Like they say, try anything once! I would not be paying for the hotels for the ungrateful, if they don't like it, they can feck off. Your wedding, your food, your rules. They will be missing a real treat - have a fantastic day.

Has a study been done into consumption of meat and emotional regulation because I’ve never yet met a meat eater who didn’t turn into a name calling toddler when having a conversation about vegan or veggie food.

Is it the growth hormones? The constipation?

Of course an ethical vegan isn't going to eat meat or animal products for one meal.

Being a meat eater isn't an ethical stance and most non vegans are omnivores and can/will eat lots of food that isn't meat.

I eat meat and I've also eaten some lovely food in vegan restaurants.

oh oh time for the classic Mumsnet line ‘it’s an invitation not a summons’. You’ve invited them. They can choose to accept or decline, simple as that.

If their interest is in seeing you wed they’ll come. If it’s in them having a catered day out of their choice - well they can take themselves out to a restaurant any time.