Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

Yep.
One personal choice doesn’t outweigh another’s.

But to be fair, on a low FODMAP diet all menus out of your home will be challenging. The wedding meal IS in a restaurant - and vegan proteins include tofu and tempeh, and there is probably some rice somewhere on the menu or they can provide it.

It might not be your preferred meal , but would it be a reason to avoid the whole wedding?

But, but. They would cater for your allergies. If you said I'm allergic to tomatoes or celery or whatever it is they would give you something without.

Why would that be wrong?
Is it somehow “more” wrong than a vegan declining because meats on the menu?

We had a vegetarian wedding. My dad was the only one that complained, and we just told him that we didn’t think killing animals was how we wanted to celebrate our love. He shut up quite quickly. Most people won’t complain. Make sure the food is really tasty!

I have to eat low FODMAP for medical reasons.

I’ve found that really, you just have to communicate with people and offer to take your own, or speak with the restaurant yourself, and/or have a look at the menu well in advance, with the B&G’s agreement. In other words, take the load off them, or offer to at least.

There’s loads of vegan food I can eat on a low FODMAP diet. Rice, potatoes or gf pasta are a good base, with a sauce of cooked/roasted tomatoes, courgettes, red peppers, olives and mushrooms suits me very well. Other dinners are available.

What is offensive about what I said.

I have seen many people from religious groups eat bacon butties - usually and I have met many vegans and vegetarians who wil do likewise or sneak piece of full fat dairy cheese.

Like I said a lifestyle choice.

Mine is a lifestyle choice - UC, type 1 diabetes, mild nut allergy and a major propensity to crap blood after eating tofu, pork, aubergine, oranges and certain random. Believe me the randomness of what will cause a flare makes eating out a challenge - but it is my challenge and definitely not a choice which veganism and vegetarianism is.

Just popping back on to respond to a couple of points.

I was told that my aunt and uncle may not coming by one of my cousins (not their child). They wouldn’t have been telling us to cause trouble, they’re not like that at all, they were just giving us the heads up so that it wouldn’t be a shock for us.

I have attended events before that haven’t catered well for me as a vegan but if the people/event was important to me, I’ve still attended, eating beforehand and eating whatever I could eat whilst there.

In this case, the menu will be varied. We haven’t finalised menus yet as the restaurant do change their menu as they like to use as much local produce as possible. There will be potato, rice, pasta dishes etc, from plainer to more complex.

My aunt and uncle do not have any allergies/intolerances or things they can’t eat which I knew anyway but my cousin had checked in the conversation, so people talking about their intolerances or need for FODMAP diets etc isn’t relevant to this situation.

Although they can obviously change their mind and not attend, they accepted the invitation knowing the restaurant we chose was vegan.

I feel like certain posters are just using the thread to make digs about being vegan. This is the vegan board.

And here come the tales of ‘I know vegans/vegetarians who can’t wait to snaffle bacon sandwiches’. It’s funny how many mumsnetters know vegans and vegetarians like this when they are obviously against veganism/vegetarianism. I probably know more vegans and vegetarians than most and don’t know any that do this. Some people are making themselves look very silly.

Allergies/intolerances will be catered for. One of my best friends is a vegan that can’t eat soy!

I’d love to see the menu , for me it wouldn’t be an issue but DH is a bit fussy with vegetables so while he’d be fine without meat if the meals had aubergine , courgettes and a few others he would struggle but he does eat mushrooms at least

Yes. Its been said many times on the many many threads there have been here alone over the years.

People get really weird about it. I don't think it can possibly be actually about the meat. I think its about not liking vegans and being stupid about it.

I have no skin in the game here. Im typing this while eating lamb chops. Its just something I've observed.

The posts aimed at the died in the wool vegan haters aren't aimed at people with dietary issues like yours. I don't know why you are projecting your issues on this thread. It is nothing to do with you and you haven't been invited, so your posts are irrelevant.

Vegetarian DD has just been diagnosed with IBD and has had to stop eating a lot of the vegetables that she loves because they make her ill. However, if she had been invited to a vegan wedding she wouldn't make the kind of fuss that you are making.

For the record, none of the vegans or vegetarians I know eat any kind of meat whatsoever. They just don't.

@WeddingProblem you are being wonderful at keeping your temper after reading some of the batshit anti vegan posts on here. They are just all incredibly ignorant. It isn't you. It's them.

I have been to more vegetarian weddings than not. Never would it occur to me not to go because of the food - though I won't eat lobster or crab, but if on menu I would just not eat it. People are weird.

@WeddingProblem It sounds really yummy and I love that they like to use local produce so likely really fresh. It sounds like guests will be given much more choice than at a "conventional" wedding meal. You never know, you might find a few converts in your guest list when they realise how delicious and varied a vegan diet can be ;)

Apart from a few rare exceptions, everyone can eat meat and everyone can eat vegan food, but people are allowed to make their own choices.

I went to a relatives wedding where there was no veggie option aside from two tiny bowls of side salad for 30 people and the burger buns.

It happens. Surprisinhly often actually. Puddings with gelatin are another regular catering issue.

These sound like lovely wedding plans. Anyone complaining is about your choice, at your wedding, of whatever food and drink you want, is being a complete twat with a ridiculous sense of entitlement. Excellent reply suggestions above.

Not at my wedding meal in a vegan restaurant though. 😉

Thank you to everyone who has replied with kind and/or constructive comments.

You know perfectly well you'd be forcing people to go hungry if you had no veggie/vegan options. Having no meat on the other hand simply means that some people may not have one ingredient they particularly enjoy.

That reflex response is such a bore isn't it op. Solidarity!

For the people who are saying vegans can eat meat and do not respect their ethical choices - how would you feel if the meat options were barbecued dog or stir fried kitten? Tarantulas anyone? These are considered food in some parts of the world. We all draw the line somewhere.

I think everyone understands deep down that some people have ethical objections to eating meat/fish/dairy products and that whether you agree with them or not, those objections are logical.

However, if you eat meat, there is no logical ethical objection to eating fruit and vegetables (although if you have allergies or severe intolerances, it might be difficult to find a suitable meal). I would go to great lengths to accommodate a guest with genuine medical issues, but someone who moans that they couldn't possibly go a single day without eating three meat-based meals is well, pathetic.

Yeah, I remember a woman from another forum who responded to every post about vegetarianism/veganism with "uhhhhhmmmm bacon!"

What she didn't know is that bacon smells like a hospital burns unit and is not in the least bit appetising to those who are aware of this fact.