Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

Probably yes. I expect there is a high proportion of flag-shaggers in the 'I would not be going to your wedding if there was no meat' contingency. Totally self-absorbed behaviour.

What? It’s a vegan restaurant so will obviously only serve vegan drinks.

It's your wedding you should have the day you want. It's ridiculous for anyone to expect you to change any of your plans, especially such a big part of the day as the restaurant, for anyone. If they don't come over that then I'd be very hurt that a certain brand if alcohol/a bit of chicken means more to them then being there for you on your special day.
I'd call them and say this rumour has gotten back to you and rather than being hurt by it and letting it taint your relationship you wanted to find out what was actually said as surely they wouldn't be harming their relationship with you and your family over one meal without animal products.
I hope you get it resolved nicely OP.

I'm vegetarian and have eaten many terrible wedding meals in the bad old days, usually something like tomato sauce out of a jar with overcooked pasta, and the waiter would say "sorry you can't have the side vegetables as you're having the vegetarian meal"😬. Meanwhile the meat eaters tucked into something much more special and made from scatch. I smiled and didn't complain (except in my head and on the way home) because I was there to celebrate my friend/relative's marriage, not for the free food.

I am sure your menu will be much nicer than my pasta, and your guests are very rude to complain. Even if someone seriously can't manage without meat/dairy for a few hours, they could bring a ham & cheese sandwich to eat on their way from the wedding venue to the reception.

I agree with those saying not to pander to them and would want to say "FFS have a word with yourselves!" but would go with a diplomatic "I'm sorry you can't come and celebrate with us, but we have chosen a venue we love and are sure our guests will enjoy it too. Hope we can catch up soon."

Could they be worried about what the food will be? Are they the old fashioned ‘meat and two veg’ sort of people that can’t begin to understand what vegan food is like? Perhaps they’re anxious that the food may upset their stomachs or something similar. Are they able to see the menu beforehand?
regardless of their reasoning if they don’t feel like they can overcome it for ONE meal (just sit and push food round the plate and run to McDonald’s straight afterwards!) then that’s a poor show on their part and you really shouldn’t have to change your plans just for them.

How incredibly rude of these family members!
One cannot dictate what happens at someone else’s event. They can go have a Maccy D after, and should be ff-ing discrete about it. It is a shame you are wasting energy on anxiety when this should be a joyous occasion!
Instead of waiting for them to say something you could go on straight to them and mention it has come to your attention that they are apparently not satisfied with what they are being offered, and if that is the case they are politely asked to stay away.
Do not waste your time on trying to make it right for them, it is YOUR day!

How exactly did the information get to you that relatives A&B are so upset about this that they may not come at all? Because there are certainly people I know who woukd much rather moan at "arm's length" about something rather that admitting their own opinions. ie "I heard A&B saying that X is a terrible idea" rather than coming out and saying "I think X is a terrible idea" - it might be that the people you are worrying about are perfectly sensible and actually have no problem with eating a vegan meal, but perhaps made a lighthearted comment about munching lentils that a gossip-monger has inflated out of all proportion.

As a meat eater, an also a slightly fussy eater; I attended a vegan wedding a few years ago. Rather than a sit down meal it was a vegan buffet. And you know what, I actually enjoyed it. It was a nice change to try something I wouldn’t usually eat. And most importantly, it wasn’t my day. If they cant suck it up for one meal for your special day then they are deffo better off not coming at all.

Crackers, isnt it?
What? There won't be chicken at my sister's wedding? Fuck that then!

How the hell is a piece of meat that important?

I mainly agree with the comments that it is your day, your choice, it's only one meal. However, i can't think i have ever been to a meat eaters wedding or any function were there was no vegans or vegetarians options. There seems to be a view that it is ok to force people to eat vegan but not ok the other way around.

I've read quite a lot of the comments here (admittedly not all) and it's a bit disappointing that many have assumed that the meat eaters are either boring meat-and-two-veg types or want to nip to McDonald's. There are adventurous meat eaters who hate fast food! I think many of them would be happy or even excited to eat a vegan meal, but some may have valid reasons to be nervous. Having sight of the menu in advance may help.

No one is being 'forced to eat vegan' 😂 and it's definitely not okay the other way round.

Oh for heaven's sake, someone is seriously kicking up a fuss about not being able to have Bailey's? A real person and not someone made up for ragebait?

Stifle laughing as best you can, then say "hope to catch up another time if you can't make it". Though I'm not sure if I'd be wanting to catch up!

Because everyone can eat vegan food, but not everyone can eat non vegan food.

I have, in times past, when the only "vegetarian" option was fish..... thankfully most caterers are aware that fish isn't vegetarian these days.

There is often only one vegan/vegetarian "option", so not an option at all as there's no choice being offered. How many events have you been to where the meat eating option was limited to one? Probably not very many.

And, as others have already pointed out, vegan food is all food that meat eaters can eat. So they can choose from all the options, the options just don't happen to feature meat products. Which for one meal in a day is not a great hardship or an unreasonable ask. Especially when it's from a restaurant who are used to catering in this way, and are going to be producing decent food rather than a half arsed poorly thought out vegan option on a menu that is otherwise meat based.

Tokek - why cant everyone eat non vegan food.

Veganism and vegetarianism are a lifestyle choice, just as eating meat is a lifestyle choice. It can be changed for a day both ways.

Would not miss a wedding over the meal but it is sanctimonious to denigrate the carnivores when the vegan is not prepared to do the same. I have eaten many delicious vegan and vegetarian and meat filled meals.

Your wedding your choice of food, if they do not want to come their choice. They do not need to be spoken to and preached to - just like OP has chosen her food and drinks.

And, as others have already pointed out, vegan food is all food that meat eaters can eat.

Likewise - all meat options are food that vegans can eat and choose not to, not going to kill them to eat meat for a day or god forbid a slither of decent tasting cheese!

I totally agree with your partner.
I'm a meat eater and allergic/intolerant to the majority of veggies, so if I were a friend or family member of someone doing what you're doing, I'd probably say that I'd attend the ceremony but wouldn't be able to join you at the meal because of my food issues. Simple. Absolutely no need for anyone to be kicking up a big fuss about it.
I regularly attend many meetings where the lunches will be catered as vegetarian and vegan, so I just take my own sandwich with me. I know I wouldn't be able to do this in the circumstances the OP is talking about, so I'd stick with just sending my apologies.

@lookluv you don’t seem to understand what being vegan or vegetarian means…. Eating meat isn’t something a vegan or vegetarian would do for one day if they could choose not to. A vegan or vegetarian if faced with no option other than a meal with meat products in would simply not eat it.

Humans are not obligate carnivores, we are omnivores. We can eat perfectly well on a vegetarian diet and certainly manage one meal that happens to be vegan. Vegan just means that only plants are used to make a meal, many recipes just use plants. It’s not something that’s alien or unsuited to an omnivore.

Nowhere has the OP said she will speak to these people and certainly not preach at them! She’s just a bit sad that relatives might opt to avoid the whole wedding day just because they won’t be served meat for one meal.

This. What twats!

@123123again

people reallllllly don’t care that much about the food at weddings. It’s like one of the least important parts

I don't understand people who claim not to eat vegan food, and wouldn't find anything to order at a vegan restaurant. Do they not eat chips, bread, potatoes, fruit, vegetables, nuts, houmous, even crisps? Does literally everything they consume have to have meat, fish, eggs or dairy in it? And then they have the gall to talk about a limited diet...

wow, has someone actually said that they would skip a wedding because of the food?! Surely not!?

I truly don't understand why people think they have the right to dictate to couples getting married how they should organise the day?! If the couple say they don't want children there, don't bring children. If they say they want a vegan meal, you eat a vegan meal. Don't like that? Don't go. It's very simple, surely?! Either you care enough about the couple to celebrate the day as they see fit, or you don't. It's their day, not yours.

@Paganpentacle

how tall are you?

you wouldn’t be getting steak at OP’s wedding regardless, hun