Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

the only thought I had that would in any way excuse such bad manners around a bride and groom choice for reception and food, was when you said their child had additional needs do they have any issues with only eating certain foods???

This is like saying 'i don't want to go to that wedding because the food will be Indian/Turkish/Caribbean' and they're Little English.

Gawd, it's hard to believe people are still like this these days - or at least, that they'll freely admit it. (I know they are, sadly)

It wouldn't be my choice but I would respect yours. I would eat what I could but have something as a back up in my bag in case I was hungry. I cannot eat most vegan choices because of a gut problem.

Veganism isn't just a dietary preference, it's an ethical framework that is almost a religion - it's not just about food but about taking the decision not to use animal-related materials in every part of life - eg not using leather or wool in clothes, not using beeswax in furniture polish. A vegan does not use anything that comes from any kind of animal. I'm not a vegan but understanding what veganism is, it is completely obvious that expecting a vegan to pay for catering that includes meat would be a horrible thing to do to someone you care about. A vegan who was emotionally blackmailed into spending their money on meat would feel as if they had participated in supporting the meat industry that they find abhorrent and would feel horribly guilty about the deaths of the animals that their purchase had prompted. If a vegan who you care about is getting married, your choices are to eat the vegan meal or eat nothing at the event and eat your meat before or after. If that's not ok then you do not actually give a shit about the person getting married and it is quite right that you should stay away and let them know you don't give a shit about them.

I’ve been to sooo many hotel weddings where there is a similar set menu of soup, chicken/ beef for main, cheesecake. I’ve never got an invite and said “I don’t like soup, I’ll give it a miss thanks”.

They’re being childish. If they don’t want to come just say ok. They’re probably hoping for some sort of reaction because otherwise why would they make such a big deal about it. If they are close family members then it’s a shame, but it’s on them for being silly.

Maybe they would feel bad/embarrassed about being paid for, knowing they won't eat the food? That's fair enough. Better than turning up and making a fuss on the day. I wouldn't make a big deal of it (unless it was my parent/sibling/very best friend) . Is it elderly relatives?

I am not vegan. I think your guests are BU.

Literally anyone can eat vegan food. Meat eaters do not need to eat meat at every single meal. They are being bizarre and selfish to say the least.

It’s your wedding, you do what suits you. If they’re not happy they don’t have to come.

If they won’t attend a families members wedding as they don’t want a vegan meal, then that’s on them. I’m sure they can survive one meal. Really rude of them tbh to even be complaining about it.

Vegans can't/won't eat meat. Omnivores (i.e. just about everyone else) CAN eat vegan food. The days of vegan food being dodgy-looking mixtures of veg we didn't like anyway are post. The best pizza I've ever had was vegan: the crust made from ground hazelnuts. I agree with a previous reply, that you should just say you're sorry, you'll miss them, and you hope they change their minds. That allows them to have had their say but still change their mind without (in their eyes) any loss of face.

When XDH and I were getting married, an old friend (female) said she wouldn't attend because another old friend (male) was going and she didn't want to breathe the same oxygen as him. They'd gone out together some years previously, but split up - I don't know why, maybe she didn't realise men have willies. (Joking). I told her I'd be disappointed, and I hoped she'd change her mind. She wasn't expecting that (thought I'd tell him not to come), and turned up after all. At the reception after, they avoided each other like the plague: it was hilarious! It's your and your partner's day, wedding, meal - and bill! - and no-one has the right to dictate any of it to you. Good luck, and start as you mean to continue...

Just let them not come ! Honestly sod them.

People are so odd .. I like meat and cheese but I don’t need them to be present in everything I eat especially if someone else is paying for it.

Here's the thing I hope you keep the same energy for other people's weddings. They can't dictate to your choice but they shouldn't have to put vegan meals on when you chose to be vegan

This would be why my son would struggle. He can't eat nuts, seeds, lentils etc.

I'd ask to bring some food for him but if not as it wouldn't be vegan, I'd attend the ceremony and then head home instead of going to the restaurant. I still wouldn't make a fuss.

True - but the vegetarians and vegans have exactly the same choices. They've just chosen not to eat the meat, or animal-derived, options. They have limited their own choices, which is obviously fair enough, but it's perhaps a bit unfair to then complain about lack of choice.

Generally, vegans CAN eat meat i.e it's physically possible, but they have decided not to.

They are being ridiculous. Most food we eat is "vegan", I.e. fruit, veg, cereal. They're just not getting something from the meat/dairy ingredients for one meal. They could just as easily get a meal that's accidentally vegan in another restaurant.

Your wedding, your choice. I presume you're paying!!

I'd be glad to get rid of them tbh. What a bunch of princesses.

Lots of vegan food tastes bloody gorgeous.

Are your guests cats?

If not, they can go one meal without meat for crying out loud

Rubbish! Choice doesn’t mean they need to include meat though.

It's one meal so, if they can't suck it up, you will be better off without them. They are very self centered to think their needs are more important than the bride and groom's. Stick with the restaurant and have an amazing meal.

I'm guessing you're fat.

What's wrong with homemade lasagne, of all things?? Sounds delicious to me!

May advice would be - Do NOT change the restaurant.

We had a similar wedding and chose an all vegetarian menu with vegan options as we are both veggie and I don’t each much dairy. Only a few guests were veggie and they loved it. The rest were meat eaters and still talk about how amazing the food was and they were so surprised and glad they had tried an all veggie menu. A couple of teenagers went to the local MacDonalds but other than that it went down really well. There is no way we would have wanted anyone there who wouldn’t have even tried an all vegetarian or vegan menu. It’s your wedding! Enjoy and surround yourself with people who love you and want to celebrate with you.

congratulations and wishing you a wonderful special day :) xxx

It's your wedding, your special day and should be how you want it!! I'm afraid I think that is totally selfish of your relatives, they may be eat meaters but surely one meal for a special occasion is not going to hurt them. I definitely would not change your venue.