Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

they could always bring a secret sausage or discreet packet of beef jerky

Your wedding your choice.

However, there is an element of double standard on here by some of the posters. Why is it not acceptable for a meat eater to ask to be catered for but at any event/party the vegan and vegetarian participants can demand they are catered for and complain roundly when not and not be considered fussy?

It is after all just one meal and they could just eat dairy. meat for once!

If people are complaining about the food choice they are not attending the wedding for the right reasons - i.e. celebrating you getting married not just for a meal at someone else's expense 😤

I eat meat and I’d love to get an invite like this, I like to try new food and flavours.
I hope you have a fabulous day.

If someone won't come to a wedding because they don't get to eat a bit of dead animal then that would be the end of the relationship for me.

#meat eater, just not often as hate shopping for anything never mind food.

edited as keyboard hates me.

👏👏👏

I am not vegan but would still go to the wedding of someone I cared about whatever was served but, let me play devil's advocate.
Your wedding is registry office and restaurant. Registry offices tend to be quick - you are in and out. Restaurants aren't usually set up for people to mix - no space to wander around and chat to different people or a dance floor to have a boogie.
Some people maybe concerned they are attending a 5 minute service then going to a restaurant where they are sat with immediate family they see all the time and being served food they don't think they are going to like.

There’s always going to be some trolls goady people wanting to argue for the sake of it.
No different than going to a religious wedding - are people at a Hindu or Jewish occasion going to seriously complain and go “where’s my steak/ roast pork?”.
Please don’t change the restaurant. Why should you have to change your principles? If they can’t come based on such trivialities as this then it’s just being petty.

Most definitely keep your choice of restaurant. Your wedding day. Yes I am a vegetarian , but I also eat plenty of Vegan stuff too. You haven't said who the stupid couple are. But just to save issues later say I am sorry you do not wish to attend our Wedding meal. Would you still like to come to the ceremony itself? Keep a smile on your face as you say it & the only idiots in the situation are them. I find it so difficult to beleive that they have the cheek to even suggest you change restaurants to suit them. My first wedding there was a lot of issues with various realities, so we decided to have a registerary office wedding with 2 friends as witnesses. We went round & told people afterwards. Back in 1978. Everyone was happy for us. And it saved all the silly arguments of who to sit people next to. My brother who had got married a few months before, the whole big white Church Wedding, wished he had thought of that. Seriously though do not give in to this couple, who ever they are. Have a wonderful wedding day. X

Also I see OP is paying for it all in which case do what you damn well like!

We married nearly 30 years ago, and while the afternoon meal wasn't all vegetarian, the evening buffet was. My idiot mother told people and we had a few that threatened not to come because they "don't eat vegetarian". I simply said I was sorry to hear that. Funnily enough, they still came and still ate the evening buffet!

Are you being deliberately goady?

You realise that vegans / vegetarians do not eat meat. Meat eaters regularly eat vegan / vegetarian foods and are quite able to. Unless they eat ONLY animal produce, and zero pulses or vegetables etc.

This has been answered numerous times on this thread and is a lame comment always trotted out on these types of thread. Poster above has answered this perfectly already, as have lots of others earlier in the thread.

Unless you’re a carnivore (I don’t know any), you are able to eat vegan food. Do you know many carnivores?

As a vegan you don’t eat meat etc

Tbh, just like meat eaters who marry accommodate vegan guests with usually providing vegan choices, surely the same should be done when vegans marry, to accommodate meat eaters who are wedding guests?

Yeah a few pepperonis would do them fine!

I have to assume you’re joking. Otherwise I despair for the world.

I eat meat but I would happily eat vegan food for a wedding. If anyone has a problem I suggest you tell them you are sorry they won’t be able to make it and then just enjoy your day.

'A beetroot en croute' literally means a beetroot in pastry, so why were you surprised that's what you were served?

My husband and I love meat but we love our family more and when we were invited to a vegan wedding we didn't hesitate to accept. We had a great time and we loved every minute and enjoyed all sorts of things we would never tried under other circumstances.

Honestly, I would not be excited at the thought of a vegan meal but it's your wedding, your day, your choice. I think anyone choosing not to come is being unreasonable, and it's their loss as they won't get to celebrate your wedding with all the family and friends.
Congratulations, and best wishes for a fab day!

I'm vegetarian but I would never expect anyone to follow me to a vegetarian only restaurant, wedding or not, or even if I was footing the bill. Frankly, you need to wind your neck and book somewhere with a wider menu.

You could look up salmon en croute and see if it is just a price of fish slapped into some pastry, as an example

I'd probably have a grumble to myself but wouldn't say anything to the bride or groom about it. It's purely because I've never had vegan food. However, you're going to a restaurant and I assume there isn't a set menu so they get to pick what they want.
I wouldn't take the passed on comments to heart OP. It's more than likely quite a few people have thought similar to be fair. I have a die hard vegetarian friend who isn't keen on vegan. It's just personal choice. Your wedding, your choice though.

I’ve not read the whole thread so apologies if this has already been posted. But here’s a case where the bride’s brother and cousins ordered in 20 pizzas to supplement the vegan meal.

I think I can guess the munsnet verdict should this be posted on AIBU.

Honestly ignore the Chinese whispers that have come back to you, send out the invitations and if people think that strongly about it they can give your wedding a swerve. It will be their loss and save you a few pounds. Most people can survive one meal, and go home and raid the fridge if they are still hungry.

https://x.com/amithearsehole/status/2013965118548095453?s=46

You are not being selfish or unreasonable at all, @WeddingProblem . The vegan diet isn't something from another planet. It's just fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, legumes and grains most of which even the hardiest of carnivores include in their diet.

Vegan or non vegan, when someone else is catering on a large scale, the food is never going to be to everyone's taste. Most people cater to their own tastes at weddings so why should you be any different?

People should be going to your wedding to share a special occasion and celebrate with you. Even if there isn't anything they would like, it's only one meal and I'm sure they could have a sneaky snack beforehand.

I think you have been really thoughtful paying for hotel rooms and for the train fare of a guest who is still at uni.

I wish you every happiness and have a fantastic day! :) xx