Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

for my youngest kids, the "older generations" include 25 and 30 year old anyway 😂😂

Almost everyone on this thread have flown the flag for their own tolerance and open-mindedness. Super.

To me, the issue is not about the food. It's about hospitality.

Saying, "stuff the relatives" is really not very hospitable.

Hospitality =
buying them food , welcoming them to the special day

hospitality shouldn’t be bending over backwards to serve every whim - expecting tat is just greed and selfishness

😂

Would people expect Muslims to serve sausage rolls cos that's what uncle fred likes to eat at a wedding?

Veganism is an ethical lifestyle choice and I am amazed by the people saying the OP should go against her beliefs because some people prefer spam to asparagus.

Asking vegans to eat meat at a corpse catered wedding is not the same as asking meat eaters to forgo an element of their normal diet, it is asinine to draw equivalence.

I get why people don't want fake meat or fake dairy products but otherwise a lot of people wouldn't even notice what they were eating is all vegan - vegan food isn't actually sawdust, cardboard and dry beans. No need to be scared of it as a number of posters here appear to be!

Just say you hope they can make it, if not I’ll see you another time.

It’s beyond rude to make a fuss like this.

I know a few of my friends would react badly to this and some of my family … SIL particularly 🤦‍♀️, she pushed a home made lasagne around the plate as though it was contaminated, whilst my brother rubbed her back encouragingly 🤣

My DD was vegan for a while and a few friends announced “what on earth does she eat” 🤣🤣

It would also depend on the ingredients used for me. I am allergic to nuts (any type) and have an intolerance to lentils and chickpeas. If I could be assured none of those ingredients would be used then fine. But that's not just for food at a vegan wedding, that's wherever I eat.

Baileys is fucking rank anyway. Milky creamy shit, full of calories. They need to grow up and order an Espresso Martini instead

It's a strange hill to die on.

@RampantIvy

well I dunno if I feel that strongly! But I stand by it

Inviting them, paying for their accommodation and giving them a meal is hospitality.

>> hospitality

to be fair its not sure what the arrangement is here but most wedding menus are a pre-ordered choice between two or three dishes which are generally not what you'd choose off a menu and the are badly cooked at scale and generally cold by the time they're served to the last table.

Almost any actual restaurant if you can choose from the menu on the day will be better than that. Even if its a limited choice a decent restaurant will still deliver better food than most venues with "catering"

So hospitality wise, I'd prefer a restaurant, as a guest. Even if not my favourite food.

Sorry, I meant that it is a strange hill for the OP's relatives to die on - refuse to attend a wedding because they can't drink any Bailey's

If they do mention it to you OP, I wouldn’t get involved in any debate about changing restaurant.

I'm a meat eater, have never been and would never be vegan. I would and do happily eat vegetarian food regularly, but would probably never choose vegan as I would miss the dairy. However, if invited to an event, where the hosts are paying for the food, (and accommodation!!!), I wouldn't bat an eyelid at eating what they choose to serve as long as I'm not allergic/ strongly averse to any ingredients. (You could not make me eat coriander leaf - it is the devil's food!) It is ridiculous to suggest they are serving for meat eaters can't eat. Of course they can! It might not be their first choice, but it is still food and if prepared in a specialty restaurant, is probably very good too!

As for baileys - how many weddings have most of us been to that have baileys available on a free bar? Many weddings have a limited stocked bar for logistical/ cost reasons. And many aren't free at all!!

Please don't feel bad or question your choices OP - you are already being very generous and they are very unreasonable.

One of the best meals I have ever eaten was in a Michelin starred restaurant in London. Just sayin’

Inviting them, paying for their accommodation and giving them a meal is hospitality.
Absolutely this.

I really don't understand people who say they don't eat vegan food, are they just tucking into hunke of meat? I eat meat every day but probably only at one meal.

Actual response from me ‘Oh dear it’s a shame you won’t be there, thanks for letting us know, you’ll be missed’
Fantasy response in my head ‘Oh dear! You can’t cope with a free vegan meal? Well obviously as the whole wedding is really about you we’ll have to change that won’t we. Should we contact all the vegetarians and vegans and ask them if they will eat meat for once or are you comfortable to be around vegetables as long as none of them end up on your plate? How about cooking? Should we make sure the cooking facilities don’t come into contact with any vegetables either?’

It’s not about the meat.
Not having eggs or dairy impacts the flavour and recipe of everything from pizza to pudding.

But surely you could manage for one day? One meal even?!

Have you come across Besos de Oro? It is Spanish and contains horchata rather than cream. I think it is superior to Baileys.

We had a vegan wedding. I’m a meat eater but find there’s so much creativity in vegan cooking. A couple of our guests moaned. I told them to have a bacon sarnie for lunch prior and get over it! In the end everyone ate and enjoyed the food!

Yes of course people can.
It’s just weddings can be very long days.

Nice food and drink keeps everyone going. Regular weddings can be spoilt by poor catering especially lack of food. I assume the worried guests are thinking a menu that’s limited might not offer them enough.