Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

As an addendum to my post a few above this ….

My daughter’s vegan wedding - they did have cows milk for those who didn’t want soya/oat etc.

There is a vegan equivalent to Baileys - nice. I could drink more than is sensible.

Guinness is vegan as are many other beers now.

I know that vegans can be considered, by others, as fussy eaters. But that’s nothing to some of the posters on here.

I think you’ve misunderstood my use of safe - sorry for not being clear.
I don’t mean safe as in unlikely to cause illness.
I mean safe to me. As in I know I like it and can eat it.
There isn’t a lot of logic to any of my aversions (I wish there was because then at least they’d make a bit of sense), beyond some of them are to do with texture (slimy things make me gag). Other than that it’s more of an anxiety issue. If I don’t know already that I like it then the thought of eating it panics me and so I can’t try it.

Exactly this - thank you.

Assuming op caters to allergies etc., there's nothing exclusionary about vegan food. Any meal someone else books always runs the risk of it being something you don't like - I don't like seafood or certain meats or some veg. You'll like different stuff. You can't cater to every person's individual preferences.

Butternut Squash soup
Spinach and chickpea curry
Chocolate torte

Perfecy normal food and I'd definitely enjoy that!

@WeddingProblem your thread is now trending, people who are triggered by the word vegan will be jumping on it. Please don't let their comments change your plans. You deserve to have the wedding that you are comfortable and happy with.

People of the older generation can be quite confused by veganism, they think of tofu and meat substitutes, they don't know what they are and they find it all off putting. If you really want your aunt and uncle to attend willingly and happily, you could spend some time going through the menu with them and show them that it's not actually so scary. You could even cook a meal for them, they will probably be very pleasantly surprised.

I don't think you should have to change your catering plans.

Yanbu

Agree with your partner

Just reply its a shame they can't make it

Your wedding, your choice. And I’m allergic to a lot of vegan food.

It’ll be amazing I’m sure! I would never be so rude to complain about the food choices at someone’s wedding. I think people forget what it’s all about.

Two of the most memorable weddings I’ve been to, the first was in a village hall, they did sandwiches and cake, no alcohol, and flowers were displayed in jam jars. It was low key but it was honestly so so beautiful because of its simplicity. The second was at a restaurant and was utterly delicious. We tried dishes we wouldn’t have maybe picked ourselves so it was a real treat.

Do not give a second thought to rude, fussy eaters who think they should somehow have a say in your wedding.

I hope it really is one of the best days of your life.

When I planned my wedding, I wanted to make sure all our guests were happy and well fed. We offered meat and vegetarian options.

To me, hosting means giving people choice and making them feel welcome. Weddings are expensive for guests, so I think it’s important to provide a decent meal everyone can enjoy. There's nothing worse than rubbish food at a wedding that has set you back £500 to attend.

Our friends had the most beautiful wedding venue and weather but forgot that their guests all travelled a couple of hours+ to attend their 12.30pm wedding, there wasnt a single crumb until the meal at 5pm, not even crisps at the bar. I was pregnant and thought I was going to starve, everyone was hammered before the meal came out, a combination of no food and hot weather. It was by far one of the worst wedding we have attended (But in one of the most beautiful expensive venues!). We got married the year after and said we are going to make sure our wedding is properly catered, delicious food in abundance for everyone!

I am in two minds

on the one hand it’s your choice
but in the other a meat eating wedding would be expected to accommodate your vegan Choi e, so why shouldnt vegan accommodate meat eaters?

How utterly pathetic of them. People eat “vegan” every day of the week when they have, say, toast with margarine and jam, or a salad, or beans on toast with margarine, or pasta pomodoro, of a plate of chips with ketchup. It’s so pathetic and performative to act like you’ll drop dead if you’re forced to forego meat and dairy for ONE MEAL ffs! Even for a non-vegan wedding, there’s no guarantee the food will be great… the last one I went to, the meat was dry, the sauce had congealed and it had already gone cold by time it was served, but I didn’t walk out, because that’s not the main reason you’re there. Complaining about the booze is especially entitled. I have never been to a wedding where you got to choose the drink you had with your meal. They almost always just put a bottle of red and a bottle of white out, and some bubbly for the toast. How utterly entitled and pathetic. Let them do what they want and don’t worry.

@IdleThoughts are you suggesting that the OP is being a bad host by choosing a vegan restaurant? She is paying for the meal and drinks, and for the hotel stay for these particular guests who apparently object to a vegan restaurant.

There presumably will be a menu to choose from at the restaurant, so no one is going to be forced to eat one specific option. Despite that being what many vegetarians and vegans put up with at meat eaters weddings!

Because vegans can’t eat meat, whereas non-vegans can eat vegan - and they (we) prove it every time we have a banana, or a bowl of chips, or some beans on toast.

I'm a vegetarian, and also pretty fussy about food, so I end up eating a lot of meals I don't enjoy at weddings and other social events. I smile and say how lovely it was, thank you. Because it's about the event, not the food.

Your wedding, your way OP. If people choose not to attend, that's their choice.

I've been to several weddings where there has been no provision whatsoever for a diabetic vegetarian that can't eat carb dense meals like risotto . I've often ended up just eating veg or salad. I always go well prepared to any catered event now with a bag of mixed nuts, some mini cheese things and a couple of protein bars. It is what it is.

I think it isn't great hosting, maybe a vegetarian restaurant would be better catering for a large group some of which aren't vegan. They wouldn't be able to order meat so it wouldnt upset the bride and groom but you could order something the meat eaters are likely to still enjoy.

As a vegan I wouldn't be comfortable paying for people to eat meat so I'd 100% do it all vegan.

I was only veggie when I got married 15 years ago and our whole wedding was vegetarian. My cousin stopped to get a Mac Donald's on her way as she couldn't face a meatless meal. People can be utterly pathetic.

If they choose not to come then I'd be relieved in your shoes! They are being very small minded and rude. Who puts eating a animal over seeing their niece get married?!

would you eat in meat only restaurant? There’s your issue… find somewhere with mixed menus

This is absolute rubbish. The food in a vegan restaurant is equally delicious as vegetarian or meat cuisine. You need to get out more.

People are such arseholes. My parents and I went to my best friend’s vegan wedding last year - my dad was quite dramatic about it, saying he would ‘starve’ as wouldn’t like the food etc. My mom understood why the menu choice as we’ve always cooked vegan when she visited, but was worried she’d not like the food.
After a firm discussion with my dad, they both ended up really loving the food! Open mindedness goes a long way, and anyone who won’t forgo meat and dairy for a single day for your sake isn’t worth the effort!

@IdleThoughts

most people don’t care that much about food at weddings. They are interested in other things

OP it’s one meal, if these people can’t attend one vegan meal they’re not worth your time. It’s your day, your plans. Have a lovely wedding.

That or jacket potato is still the coeliac option (if we're lucky enough to get one at all).

I was veggie when I was married years ago, it’s a massive regret to me nearly 20 years ago that animals suffered so could celebrate my wedding. Never will that ever happen again for me. I was talked into it and I wish I had have stayed true to my beliefs. My guests won’t even remember what they ate then, but I still carry the guilt,

I'm the opposite. Most people arent vegans and I think you could have provided for them as well as getting vegan stuff for yourself. Pardon the pun, but why should you shove your food down their throats even if it is your wedding. It's a wedding not a vegetarian food convention.