Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

OP has said that they're paying for accommodation and they've requested no presents. Buying a new outfit for a wedding is a choice, not a necessity.

OP, I'd be sorely tempted to rescind their invitation because by even considering not coming to your wedding because the restaurant is not to their liking, they're telling you how important you are to them. But obviously that would be the nuclear option and you sound like a nicer person than me 😂
I absolutely would not change the restaurant - if your aunt and uncle decline, I wouldn't even give them the opportunity to discuss why, I'd just adopt the "oh, that's a shame" approach and invite two more friends in their place.
Congrats and have a wonderful day!

edited - typo

People are so weird. When my friends who are both vegan got married I obviously expected the food to be vegan? I'm not vegan but I find it absolutely baffling that people would rather miss someone's wedding than not eat meat for one meal.

Reading your posts, you ate totally being resonable, kind and accommodating.

You are paying hotel and transport costs for guests and one meal, one meal.out of thousands they will eat, is putting their knickers in a twist.

Have a lovely day and don't dwell on them.

( I am a meat eating sober person, my husband is vegetarian. We have attended weddings in breweries, steak houses, vegan restaurants etc and never complained. Weirdly, we were there to celebrate the couple. My husband ate the only veggie dish in the steakhouse, and I toast with sparkling apple juice.)

😂

I'd trot out the oft quoted "ah well it's an invitation not a summons" to those who take offence/don't want to come because they won't get a meat fix meal. How bloody ridiculous (them not you op in case it isn't clear).

I don’t see the issue. It’s one meal and it’s YOUR wedding?! I will go in their place if they don’t want to -l haven’t been to a wedding for ages! For clarity l am not vegan or even vegetarian

You sound like an absolutely lovely person. You’re absolutely right to have the day of your dreams. You’ve made thoughtful accommodations for all your guests. Let’s face it. If they don’t like the food they could have discreetly ordered something outside of the venue and not have caused any fuss. I think it’s really awful of them to have created all this chaos because they couldn’t focus on you and your feelings for a couple of hours. Honestly you do you and those that love and respect you will be there cheerleading right behind. P.s I’m a meat eater as are my whole family. I’ve been privileged to attend weddings of all sizes, cultures, budgets, some dry, some alcohol fuelled, Every event special and unique. We even attended one with no food at all, just grabbed some on the way home.
I can’t imagine making someone’s day about me or my family.
I hope you have a lovely day.

Nope never heard of it, but I’m sure it can be accommodated for!

Imagine the chances of having more than one at a wedding?

I don’t think you really believe that’s why people are being arseholes about the menu?

I'm a big meat eater, I also eat cheese, eggs etc every single day, but I wouldn't dream of complaining about being served vegan food at a wedding.
Your relatives sound like a pair of entitled tits!

Please go ahead with your wedding exactly as you both want, and enjoy ☺️
If they choose not to come because of one meal, that is their loss.

If people can’t handle one vegan meal, I’d not want them at my wedding anyway. Sorry you are getting so much shit, people are so weird about vegans

You have been really generous and lovely. People get so strange and defensive when others make choices that they don’t share, they just literally cannot cope that there are other ways to live than the way they have chosen for themselves. It sounds like you are related to some of those people.

They will be the ones sitting at home with a bacon sandwich while their loved ones are together celebrating the happiest day of your life. What losers!

Honestly if your aunt and uncle don’t come, it’s their loss! Your wedding, therefore your choice of restaurant.

In most standard restaurants there are usually only about 3 meals on the whole menu I will eat.
I do eat potatoes in other formats - I’d be happy with them roasted also. The only accompaniment to a jacket potato I eat is cheese so that’s out.
Yes, I’m aware you can get vegan cheese, but even the vegans I know don’t often choose to eat it.
I eat carrots, parsnips and sweetcorn, but that’s the only veg I will eat.
I don’t eat anything in a sauce (except gravy on a roast).
I barely eat any fruit.
My diet consists largely of chicken and eggs and I have extreme anxiety about foods that aren’t ‘safe’.
So yes, I would struggle a little with a vegan restaurant.
You’re right, I hadn’t thought about bread. And in all honesty - I’d be more than happy with a basket of bread to keep me going. But no, I don’t eat seeds, grains or pulses beyond them being baked into something bread or cake shaped.
But as I said, I wouldn’t be so rude as to complain - I am aware that I am the one with the issues and I would cater for myself elsewhere either side of the event.
And yes, I’m aware this is ‘odd’ as you put it. But us neurodivergents often are a little odd.

You are throwing a party for them to attend. They can either come celebrate and enjoy the food (and eat whatever they like every other day) or they can be stuck in the mud and miss your special day. You aren’t asking them to starve!

My dad was difficult about our wedding, but he was paying. The compromise was that he got a bacon sandwich for breakfast before coming. Can anyone honestly say every meal they eat is their favourite? Sometimes even in restaurants I like, I’ll order something new and not love it. Sometimes travelling takes longer than anticipated and I end up eating a pret sandwich for lunch and dinner. It’s not my dream meal, but not every one can be.

Don't let them rain on your parade. Univite them 😀

Only meat? How many of those are there in the UK? Common are they? With not even a hint of a triple cooked chip on the menu?

HTH?

No, not really. What has it got to do with the OP? She's already confirmed there are no allergies or intolerances. And she hasn't indicated that, if there were, she would ignore them.

Realise you don’t want drama OP, so just don’t create it. No back-channeling family conversations or bitching, don’t give it brain space. It is monumentally rude for them even to broach this. The only response is silence and to continue planning your lovely day

I’ve never, ever, in 30 plus years of being a vegetarian and having travelled extensively ever found a restaurant that serves only meat. I’ve had to have a fair few dinners of plain rice or pasta, and quite a lot of bread.

It’s not really the ‘gotcha’ you think it is. Meat eaters (or non- vegetarian/non vegan folk) don’t typically only eat meat. That would make for a very short lifespan and a very very messed up digestive system.

I’ve only read your replies but I would say to absolutely ignore anyone trying to be goady. Unfortunately, a vegan lifestyle is enough to offend some people which is ridiculous as it’s a lifestyle based on compassion. Who could possibly be offended by that?

I am also vegan and wouldn’t hesitate to have a vegan wedding even if the majority of my guests weren’t vegan. I wouldn’t want my money to contribute to the suffering of animals in any way. I don’t know anyone in my family and friends who would have a problem with that. If your aunt and uncle cannot possibly forgo meat for a single meal, that they aren’t even paying for, then I would absolutely tell them that’s is a shame they can’t attend and would leave it at that. They are being absolutely ridiculous.

I hope you have a wonderful vegan wedding.

You have gone above and beyond to include these people in your special day.
Hope you have a beautiful day ❤️

P.S. I'm available if you need to make up numbers 🤣

I am interested in your willingness to eat chicken and eggs but not most fruit or vegetables if food safety is, understandably, a priority for you. I do enjoy chicken myself, but the risks of infection from insufficiently cooked or poorly stored chicken are far higher than from fruits and vegetables. I developped serious food anxiety while pregnant but it mostly related to more high risk foods like meat, fish and dairy. I am also mildly ND and have some specific preferences surrounding particular food combinations and, like you, I prefer to forego sauce as I prefer the texture of dry food.
As I said, I have experience of this and know that not all food aversions are rational, this just seems like an interesting situation to me as, for someone who has also had serious concerns about food hygiene, poultry was always near the top of my list as a potential source of danger.

It’s unlikely that one vegan meal would cause death, or even a grippy tummy!

My daughter had a vegan wedding, I don’t recall any gripes beforehand or afterwards.

Some people are a bit off when it comes to eating vegan - what they often don’t realise is that many foods/dishes happen to be vegan. ( for us being vegan they are accidentally vegan.)

Some of your prospective guests seem to be somewhat small minded and rude. Let them refuse and ask someone else.

All the best.

I’m not vegan however I would have no issues with a vegan restaurant. No meat in one meal isn’t going to kill anyone! Sounds like they’re being awkward for the sake of it. And they can drink water if there’s nothing else they want! Stand your ground, if they don’t come then that’s totally on them. And at least will save you some money!!

That isn’t what a “safe” food is. It is psychologically safe, nothing to do with toxicity or risk.