Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

I think it's the other way round! People used to be invited to events, graciously accept the food, discreetly leave out what they couldn't or didn't want to eat (fair enough) and it was a non-issue

Making such a fuss over a single meal, that's bizarre anyway

But people expecting a wedding breakfast to look like a restaurant menu where they pick and chose their food? It's recent,

No way should you change your restaurant! It’s your wedding, your choice. Of course accommodate dietary requirements such as gluten free etc but they’re being ridiculous. They probably don’t realise that a lot of the food they eat and enjoy is technically vegan - chips, rice etc. Don’t pander to them. (I’m a meat eater).

The relative that told you about the relatives complaining is a shit stirer

oh you are still here?

What nerve would you hit exactly? I am still laughing at fussy eaters who behave like tantrumming toddlers, and are people in general who are so precious they can't even consider a meal out of their comfort zone once.

That seems to trigger you if you keep tagging me!

Did you pay for things at your wedding that went against your own personal ideology/morals, though? Because that's what people are asking the OP to do. It's not just about food.

Possibly. I don’t do non free range but I doubt all the eggs used were. It was less of an option to ask for it to be so years ago.

I think everyone at some point has been to a wedding where they didn’t really like the food or had some other issue (small portion size or lack of choice etc) but I’m never at a wedding for the food. Im there to celebrate friends or family. So what if you don’t have the best meal of your life? I’ve definitely had to grab a quick McDonalds (or similar) on the way home from an event but still had a great time.

And I don’t understand people who say that they don’t like ‘vegan food’. Vegetable soup can be vegan, baked potatoes are vegan, apples are vegan …

If you are able and willing to eat chips, rice and cake, all of which will obviously be on offer in a vegan restaurant, I am a little confused as to why the vegan nature of the establishment would bother you. Are chips, rice andcake the only non meat or dairy food you eat? No other vegetables, fruit, cereals, grains, breads, pulses, etc? You are aware that potato and rice can be the basis for many vegan dishes aren't you? Or, will you only eat potato in chip form and only dry rice? That seems a little odd, I must say.

I do wonder if everyone knows what it might be like ? A menu might be useful.
People know vegetarian. But perhaps not vegan.

@WeddingProblem I really can't understand why you are getting such grief on here by certain posters. Put these out of your head. Have the wedding you want, and let the chips (not cooked in lard) fall where they may. I just do not understand your relatives' problem. One meal out of their entire life. Pathetic.

I haven't read the whole thread op, just your posts but near in mind these people moaned to someone else about vegan food and that person reported it to you which seems like they were the ones who wanted to cause drama. I suspect your aunt and uncle would be mortified to hear it had got back to you especially after you had been kind enough to pay for their hotel. I'd either say to them 'so and so says you're not keen on the vegan meal idea. Would you let me know if you don't want to attend that part of the celebrations?' or lower drama version - Pretend you haven't heard anything about it and carry on with your plans. They'll probably never mention it and enjoy themselves thoroughly.

Some of your guests sound very rude and entitled. Their attitude is terrible. Everyone can eat a meal without meat surely. Is it really that hard?? Strange people.

Its your big day so you get to pick. I am not vegan but would be interested to try new things . I love eating new things I would never cook myself .
Its only 1 meal . They need to stop moaning .

Tell them there's a kebab shop round the corner if they're hungry afterwards. And it's a shame there'll be nothing alcoholic they enjoy, but at least that means they don't need to stay over, so you've canceled the hotel room.

It sounds like they were having a moan and stirrer relative has passed it on. I bet they've no intention of not going!

Well, no-one is going to drink baileys all day and you are paying for the drinks, which is incredibly generous. There are vegan wines and beers as well as soft drinks. Your relatives are rude (and small-minded).
And I have been to lots of vegetarian weddings which had fabulous food. I have no doubt the vegan food you have will also be fab. Have a lovely day and just say to those who don't want to come how sad it is they can't come. Doubt you'll miss them.

I know right! 😆

I have been to 2 vegan food only weddings this past 2 years. The food was delicious! We had a choice of 3 things for the starter, the main, and the dessert.

I am veggie but not vegan, DH is carnivore (but doesn't eat much meat as I rarely do it, but he doesn't mind too much.) Several others who went to the weddings (around 50 at each) were pescatarian. Many of the guests were carnivore or veggie. About 8 were vegan. And the bride and groom were too.

Everyone (pretty much) was fine with it, when everyone was told it was vegan. and said they really enjoyed the food. 3 or 4 sniffy relatives of the groom had a whinge, including his mother, but even SHE (and the other sniffies) admitted it was nice food! Maybe not to have all the time (like most would not want to become a vegan) but for the odd meal, why not?

it's so entitled and precious and childish to crow and whinge about it, like you're soooooo hard done by! 🙄

I’m a bit taken aback by some responses tbh

@WeddingProblem please ignore the ignorant posters who are projecting their uneducated opinions and food issues. They haven't been invited to your wedding. Their pickiness, eating disorders and food intolerances are completely irrelevant.

If your relatives can't manage a meat free meal then just accept their regrets and move on.

I have been to hundreds of weddings over six decades, none of which catered for me as a vegan. Did I not go? No I went, had a wonderful time and let my husband eat two dinners! If I was lucky he gave me his pud! They are rude!
Absolutely say “sorry you can’t make it” then that is the end of it!
Have a lovely day x

am on the fence here. yes I think your guests are bing rude and its your day etc
but on other hand it's your guests and you only have to read the many mumsnet posts about what annoys wedding guests and food is one of the biggest ones terrible food or not enough food etc. I wouldn't expect my guests to sneak out for food or order a takeaway to venue or bring a sandwich or bar with them they have taken time out and expense to attend I want them to enjoy my day. I don't eat meat yet there was steak on my wedding menu. my now husband doesn't drink at all yet we still had a bar served wine and proscessco. there was something for everyone

So rude of them. Oh well, as mumsnet says, it's an invitation not a summons, so they don't have to come.

It's very narrow minded. I'm a meat eater and it wouldn't occur to be to be bothered. I'd just turn up, enjoy myself and enjoy the food. Our adult son is vegan and he cooks for us sometimes and I sometimes cook a vegan family meal if he's here so we can all eat the same. It's led me to discover lots of lovely new foods and recipes. I'm not giving up meat but it's good for me to eat it a bit less and enjoy more variety in my meals.

Sorry you can’t make it, you’ll be missed.
Or - suggest they get a kebab on the way home

To be honest, a huge majority of posters have said they would happily eat the food, or at least wouldn't dream of complaining. There's a small number of people who couldn't conceive of eating a meal that wasn't meat and well, just look at them.

I am surprised you didn't book something a bit less restricted. Usually, mass catering is for the majority. I can appreciate you not wanting to serve meat but think you should have booked a veggie meal as a lot of people cant or wont eat vegan alternatives.

It's rude to refuse to come to the wedding if you don't like the food as unless it's in the middle of nowhere they should be able to grab a sandwich or whatever and just put up with it to see their neice married.

They could leave, get a pub meal, then come back for the reception.

They are all cats.

I agree. I went to my first wedding in about 1970 and my most recent ones last year and I would say that at the majority, unless the meal was a buffet, there has been little or no choice. If there has been a choice it has generally just been veggie or non veggie and even that wasn't common when I was a kid. Mostly it was chicken, whether you liked it or not.
I have been to a few weddings where guests have been asked to choose from a fuller menu in advance but that's definitely not been the norm, and I'd say all the weddings I have been to like that have been in the last decade.
Generally, as you say, unless they had medical dietary restrictions people just are what they were given and quietly left what they didn't like. And let's face it, the meals at most weddings and other mass catering events aren't exactly haute cuisine. Producing and serving food for a large number of people simultaneously is challenging so it's usually something fairly unadventurous and that's fine. I wouldn't say that the food is a major consideration for me when I decide whether to accept a wedding invitation or not. Of course it's lovely if you do get a fabulous meal but I certainly don't go expecting gourmet food - weddings are about the people primarily.