Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

I eat meat but would enjoy a vegan wedding I think - of course I eat things that are vegan, but don't really go to special vegan restaurants, so would be looking forward to trying something different.

We had a vegetarian wedding as lots of our guests were vegetarian and DH and I both enjoyed the food... just because people eat meat, doesn't mean they need to eat it every single meal ffs. They are being a bit ridiculous.

They wouldn't get blue cheese sauce with the steak either.

Oh have I hit a nerve?

Would you be ok with paying for a meal they don't eat? I have food issues so I would struggle in a vegan restaurant but I wouldn't expect someone to change wedding venue just for me! I'd end up ordering the least bad option and picking at it but I would worry about wasting the food and the cost. If it's that hard for them they can always take find a minute before or after to grab something from somewhere else.

Just ignore them OP, no one is going to waste away because they eat one meal without meat in it. I bet they have loads of plant based meals (beans on toast with Flora etc) and don’t even realise it.

My DH is an absolute carnivore and a real foodie. I am vegetarian. I took him to a vegetarian restaurant when we started dating and ten years on he still talks about the meal
he had there as one of the best of his life.

Some people are just anti vegan, so those saying can they not go without meat for a meal that won't work, it's not the lack of meat it's the veganism, they are irked by it. The Baileys etc is somewhat of a red herring in some cases.

I wonder if they know what might be on the menu? It may help if they did ?
And is the menu quite starchy ? Just adding this in case any are diabetic.
Someone early on asked if they knew of people who didn’t like beans. I have met two people who don’t. And really do not like them. At all. Odd to me, but they do exist !

I agree, I think if it’s labelled vegan it puts some people off, I don’t understand it myself.

I’m an extremely picky eater and a vegan restaurant would probably be up there with one of my worst nightmares.
But even I wouldn’t complain about it if it was a loved one’s wedding. I’d eat before hand, fill up on chips or rice (and cake of course) at the wedding and eat on the way home.
There is no excuse for this - it’s just rude!

When I opened your post I was expecting to find details of a planned destination wedding and was confused momentarily by all of this talk of food. Can confirm that as a meat eater I would greatly prefer a vegan wedding to a vegas wedding. Off I go to specsavers.

In all seriousness: it is your day and you should do as you wish. As long as you are catering for any allergies I really don't see any issues.

You sound incredibly generous re guests. As you are vegans of course you need a vegan restaurant.
All I would say is ethically people might have an issue with the air miles and synthetic nature of some of it. I know it's just one meal but I think people will be hungry as well especially if all day/night.
I also think whilst veggie food can be nice, vegan food can be terrible especially for those who aren't fans of highly spiced food. No one will tell you the food is a let down at least (unless they are incredibly rude).

I don’t like beans.
I’d go as far as to call it a phobia.
If there are beans on the plate, I wouldn’t eat any of it.
But I accept my issues with food are not the norm.

Your wedding- you chose!
How strange to dismiss the day because of it-
vegan food is just food.
It just misses out some other food groups, but isn’t anything weird.

I very much enjoy a rare steak, all the chicken and most sea dwelling critters on my plate.

I can get by for one meal. It would be a novelty.

You sound like you have been very hospitable.

I'm a carnivore, but I'd be happy to eat a vegan meal in a specialist restaurant - not the rubbish often served in a mainstream resto.

Well yes, my point was that there are people who don’t eat beans of any sort. You do exist !

I went to a dry vegan wedding and I eat meat and drink alcohol. I had a lovely time because I’m not an arse. I had no say because it’s not my wedding. YANBU.

How utterly pathetic and stupid to not go to someone's wedding because the food is vegan. 🙄

You're thinning out the herd at this point @WeddingProblem The biggest arseholes and most difficult people won't be coming. Result!

As pps have said, just say 'oh never mind, I'm sure we'll see you sometime this year, and we can catch up then. I can show the wedding photos and tell you about the honeymoon. Shame you're gonna miss it, but hey. shit happens.'

It's ONE MEAL. If people are so snarky and precious and pathetic about the food being vegan food, they can stay away.

Some people are so weird about meat, Op (as evidenced on this thread). They get really pissy if they can’t eat dead animal at every single meal and would even forgo a lovely event like your wedding in order to be able to scoff a burger instead. Bonkers

Times have changed. Years ago it would have been the norm to cater for all eating habits as much as possible. Fish only, meat, Veggie etc.
The idea that it was the Bride and Groom and so guest will only eat what they want to eat would have been astonishing.

You definitely shouldn't have to change your choice of venue for your own wedding.

The only slight concern I would have is whether there is a choice or if it's a set menu.

As a meat eater I'm more than happy to eat veggie/vegan but there are a handful of vegan foods that I would struggle with if they were the only option.

That said I would still rather keep my
opinions to myself and celebrate with family than throw a wobbly about it.

Of course the vegetarian ate the main cake - unless it was mirror glazed it was almost certainly a vegetarian cake. And vegetarians, being used to the omnivores snaffling all the veggie options at buffets tend to be quite considerate about making sure specifically vegan things are left for actual vegans.

There's a big difference in having food cooked/ made with butter than margarine .
Also having a delicious cheese or creamy sauce with vegetables (macaroni cheese, cauliflower cheese) is completely different to a vegan offering.

I go with DS to a really well regarded vegan restaurant alot. Whilst the "prawns" (some root I believe) are a fantastic tasty swap, I am always underwhelmed. I think chips are the best vegan food. I would make sure guests had lots of those available.

Funny how it's the staunch meat eaters who have supposedly never eaten a vegan meal in their lives who are the experts on how disgusting and bland vegan meals are.