Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

There is a vegan baileys now so they might be surprised!

Dont change one thin hair on your chin!!

I have some experience in this area.
Years ago when I got married, my cousin was mad at my mum. Or she was mad at me, or she was mad at us both - I don’t remember, because IT DOESN’T MATTER - IT NEVER MATTERED.
She got in a snit over something (I still don’t know) and refused to attend our wedding.
Do you think that spoiled our fun or ruined our day?
Honey we never gave her a second thought beyond “Oh - Karen isn’t coming to the wedding.”
We had the most beautiful California October day- warm, but not hot and food and champagne and everybody happy and enjoying themselves and it was beautiful.
Don’t let those stupid people take up head space now that you won’t even give a passing thought to on your big day. I promise you that.
I wish for you twice the love and happiness that I’ve had. ❤️

Shocking behaviour from the relatives. They are being very rude, the fact they have been invited to a relatively small wedding should be sufficient for them to realise they are important to you and for them to accept your choice of food.

I am a meat eater, but would welcome a vegan wedding in a vegan restaurant as I would never choose to go out and eat there, so it would be a lovely new experience.

You are really not being unreasonable. You have been very kind in booking and paying for a hotel room for your aunt and uncle and they are being rude by complaining about eating in a vegan restaurant that you are paying for.

It's your wedding and you are vegan so don't feel guilty about your choice of restaurant. Hopefully you can get a refund on the room that you have booked for your ungrateful aunt and uncle.

You really haven’t. I’m not a vegan. I just think you are being deliberately arsey and provocative and I’m calling that out.

Oh honestly!!! It's YOUR wedding. You serve whateveryou like! I wouldn't be able to eat crickets and bugs, but I'd have a go at most things, even though I'm not too keen on the vegan food I've eaten as I find it a bit starchy (it may be that the cooks weren't very good). Your day, your choice, and if they can't go along with it, leave them out or let them starve.

It is fucking ridiculous and I find people like this really thick. I absolutely love meat but not all of meals contain it, so I would happily bet that these people have at some point had a meal that is vegan and didn't think anything of it.

Since when was a wedding a free meal?

Clothes, travel, hotel, present.

Don’t be ridiculous … do you not eat fruit and veg alongside your carcass??

I totally agree. It's your wedding and your choice.
I hope you have a lovely day x

Who is being provocative, insisting on tagging me on your posts attacking me directly?

If it was the other way around would they change their nest restaurant to a vegan one? Probably not. Don’t worry about it at all. Your wedding. Your choice. Enjoy your day and have a lovely meal.

I am a meat eater, but I don’t know any fellow omnivores who would boycott a wedding because they were too stupid to eat a vegan meal on one occasion.

it's an ethical choice - would you tell a Muslim they should eat pork?

I have an anaphylactic nut allergy so a vegan menu might be a little tricky. If that was the case I'd regretfully decline, wish the couple well and send a nice gift.
My dietary issues are 100% my problem.

what's wrong with a carcass? You'd rather we didn't kill animals before eating them? Sounds cruel, and rather unappetising.

I’m still not caught up but I’m reading through.

Although I appreciate people’s responses, even the ones saying they’d do it differently, I do feel that some people are being deliberately argumentative and goady. Please remember that this is the vegan board and I put it on here to see mostly how other vegans would deal with it. I don’t mind others replying obviously, it’s good to get others perspective, but please remember I’m a real person with feelings and I haven’t done anything bad here.

Some guests don’t live close and need accommodation. They are either staying with family or we are paying for a hotel for them. My aunt and uncle actually don’t live far away, but they would like to have a drink and have an older child with additional needs so decided they would stay over to make it easier. We have said we will pay for their hotel costs as we appreciate the effort they are making to come, if they do still come! We’re even paying for train tickets for a young adult relative as we wanted her to come but know she would have struggled to pay as she is a uni student.

We really have tried to be accommodating, it’s just the meal that we have thought of ourselves more on. From the way some people are talking, we’re the most selfish couple on the planet! We’re not. Some people have declined and we have been fine with that.

I’m a bit taken aback by some responses tbh.

Your wedding your rules. As a meat eater I’d be excited to go to a vegan wedding and see what was possible outside of my usual favourite foods. Unfortunately you’re paying they either have to like it or lump it!

also don’t listen to anyone saying that you’re being unreasonable.

And we’ve also said absolutely no gifts, to reduce costs and also because we have been together a long time and there is nothing we need.

Wow you are being generous!

You’re absolutely not unreasonable no. Your wedding your choice. However I do think whoever has told you this shouldn’t have, it’s stirring the pot a bit. The offending guest might have just been having a grumble (as people do) but actually have every intention of coming and not saying anything.

If I were at a wedding where steak and chips (plus usually a side salad), or steak and jacket potato or whatever was the only meal option, I would politely and quietly ask whether I could just have the chips/jacket (and salad if that's the other side).

If I were at a wedding where the only meal option was literally just a plate with steak on, or steak with sauce, I would probably just get drunk and reflect on what unusual friends I've got. I don't have friends who do that though.

You have done nothing wrong! I like meat but I am up for a vegan meal too. Don’t give this a second thought, I beg you! Happy wedding planning!

I hope you can start to feel less anxious about this. You absolutely have the right to chose the restaurant for your wedding, you are not doing anything wrong. It’s no different from choosing to provide pizza and risking disappointing people who would prefer a roast, or choosing a registry office and disappointing people who like church weddings. It’s entirely up to you and nobody else gets to chose.

Mine and my husband’s wedding was entirely vegan, and whilst a couple of older guests moaned a bit, they came and I hope they had a nice time. I don’t really care if they got themselves a Big Mac on the way home, that’s up to them. But we certainly weren’t going to pay for anyone to eat a dead animal at our wedding. We decided early on that anyone who could not respect our ethical choices just for one day wouldn’t really be welcome at our wedding anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️