Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

But the only one of the above that I have seen as part of a wedding menu, where food may be a bit more lavish, would be vegetable soup.

I don't think it's that unusual not to like what people might think of as vegan staples, lots of which have been mentioned - mushrooms, beans, lentils, nuts, dairy and cheese substitutes, beetroot, coconut, hot spices. Disliking them is also not just because they are vegan, the dislike is on an omnivorous level as well! But they may be the expectation of 'vegan wedding food'. In that case I would not be too resistant to providing something less fancy if this would help people genuinely say they would be fine eating it - even if it is not usually thought elevated enough to belong on a wedding table.

(Edit - I guess the question is - would you be happier/ less annoyed by seeing people tuck into their spud, or roast potatoes, or happier if you had your way but they left half their plate?)

It's very rare that any wedding attendee gets a choice of what they're eating other than "veggie" or "non-veggie", so they don't get much of a say then.

If it bothers them that much they've either got the choice of saying no, or stopping a Maccies on the way to the wedding to fill themselves up on non-vegan food before they arrive.

I'm a meat eater and a bit of a fussy eater, but I'd not turn down an invite to celebrate a wedding just because I was wary of the food!

And it's a proper vegan restaurant, not a restaurant that has a poor vegan offering!

Your wedding your way, they can have what they want at their wedding!

its an invite and they can choose whether to accept or decline. If petty enough to decline, then I’d respond with a simple ‘shame you can’t make it’

Ungrateful I will agree with but it is not rude to decline a wedding invitation for any reason at all be it you don’t want to eat the food , it’s too far away , you don’t want to buy an outfit or it clashes with something else .

It's one meal and a meal they don't have to pay for. Either just hand out a couple of packets of ham to those not willing to eat something other than meat or tell them what a pity they won't be coming. I'm not a vegan or vegetarian but enjoy eating different things.

Vegan is anything but childish.

its almost always the result of thinking , caring deeply and sacrifice . its putting nature and our planet and other animals ahead of personal desire

thinking tha meat must form the basis of every meal - I mean we have advanced so much as a society , we do so many things differently to the past because we think now that it’s uncivilised to marry very young children , we think it’s wrong to abuse animals ,we think living in permanent houses is cool

btw I am not vegan - I do respect it though

No, if it's too far that's practical, if you can't afford/don't want to buy an outfit it's practical/financial (although I'd say wear what you like, it's you I want to see, not a runway show), if it clashes obviously it clashes.
If someone just has a tantrum at the thought of not being able to eat meat or dairy for one meal, they're casting judgement and criticism on the couple's choice, and that's rude.

Ok I’m changing my response, when we got married I bent over backwards to accommodate 3 vegetarians. They said they’d eat the meat instead (found out later one was only pretending to be veggie and dhs sister has always been awkward as fuck)

12 years later dh died, sil was a cow to me, the other veggie spread untrue rumours I’d scattered dhs ashes and the third pretended he didn’t know me at our nieces birthday party (she is a niece to both of us)

You do it your way, it’s your wedding. They don’t have to come if they don’t want to!

Of course your relatives are being ridiculous. There is no dietary requirement that would make it necessary to have meat in every single meal. If your relatives eat nothing else but meat, no vegetables, even potatos, no fruit, no cereals or grains, no legumes, no pulses, no bread, no pasta, nothing apart from meat and dairy, then I am concerned for their health. However, I certainly would not cave into their outrageous demand that you change venue to cater to their childish picky eating ways!
I also think that most of your guests will be on your side and will think your relatives are being deliberately awkward.
My family still jokes about a non-Jewish uncle of mine who attended my bat mitzvah and spent the whole day sulking because meat was not on offer. It is fairly standard at Jewish events to serve fish and vegetarian options as this caters for most guests religious dietary requirements. We had salmon and two vegetarian options of main course. My uncle apparently never ate fish or any vegetables apart from potatos so he spent most of the meal resentfully pushing a few boiled potatos round on his plate. He really was a pretty hardcore carnivore, I believe he demanded that his wife cooked meat for every meal and that he insisted on a full English breakfast every day!
When we got married a few years ago we made sure to have good vegetarian and vegan choices as well as fish options as we had a lot of vegetarian and vegan guests attending so, while not vegetarian myself, I am all too aware of the woeful options available to vegans and vegetarians at most events and, indeed, in the vast majority of restaurants. I think it is therefore eminently reasonable to choose a restaurant where you and half of your guests won't be forced to choose the one lousy vegan option on the menu on your special day!
Have a lovely wedding day!

I would just tell them they’d be surprised and actually it’s going to be really delicious.
If they carry on say they can always get themselves a burger on the way home.
if they still carry on, say it’s a shame you don’t want to come, and you’d do anything to go if it was their celebration ,.but if that’s their decision I guess you’ll have to live with it

They are being catered for unless they are ideologically against eating vegetables which seems unlikely. I’m not keen on lamb, but ate it at a wedding.

👍

Are they paying for it? If yes, ok fair enough.

If not, stuff them!

Again, throwing a tantrum and having demands on what food you are being served as a GUEST when you get a free meal is being incredibly childish and ridiculously fussy.

If you don't want to eat something, then just don't eat it, it's not that hard.
If you are pregnant and you feel some food would be unsafe for your baby, don't eat it - how do you think everyone manages?

But the precious: it's food I don't know/ don't recognise/ not enough meat/ too much meat/ cannot eat fish because I never had eat in my life/ don't like vegetables, that's too healthy / too cultural./ too foreign,...
is funny but ridiculous when coming from anyone above the age of a toddler.

I would struggle, honestly, with a vegan meal. Vegetarian absolutely fine. Vegan is really restrictive. So many posters saying it's the lack of meat, but it really isn't. It's all other ingredients you can't have which are often replaced with dubious subs. If it's just vegetables with pasta for example, great. If it's meat replacements, then no.

As it's a wedding, of course I would come, but I would probably be a pain, because I can't eat anything beany, or tofu etc.

I'd love to try a good vegan restaurant, I'll come if they drop out, I'm good company and never drink too.much 😁

Food can look lovely and 'elevated' without being meat or dairy. You just have to look at food writers'/chefs' books/blogs/Insta posts to see that.

My son and dil had a completely vegan wedding with 120 guests. I'm pretty sure a couple or so people were a bit disgruntled but nobody turned down the invitation.

I think it's very small minded to refuse an invitation on the grounds of not wanting to eat vegan. They're not going to go hungry fgs. If they turn the invitation down it's their loss. Certainly don't change your plans

you have a point, but I agree with you, as much as I dislike junk food - even with pretentious "vegan" junk food, and horrible replacement items, I'd suck it up. I'd hope it's fresh healthy great food, but still, It's ONE meal, and it's a wedding. Who actually cares that much about the wedding breakfast?

It's one meal on one day. If you can't eat one vegan meal on one day then there's something wrong with you.

There was a thread recently where GUESTS had ridiculous expectations when invited for Christmas, and were having a tantrum because the menu did not match their precious requirements over what they decided a Christmas diner must be (diner they had not paid for, prepared or had anything to do with)

Some people are idiots, what can you do 😂

@WeddingProblem it’s simple. Say “Oh, I’m sorry you can’t come-we would have loved you to be there. Never mind-we can go for a drink when we come back from honeymoon. There’ll be plenty of pictures online”. And don’t talk about it again.

I’m vegetarian but ordered a veggie burger at a restaurant once (not cheap either) and it was a slice of roasted red pepper in a bun!

You will probably find they are just saying that to the relative as a little protest but will actually not say that to you. It is your wedding and your choice or restaurant! I would remind them that it is not just about the meal!

As a vegan who was vegetarian for years I have eaten so many boring and unappetising (and tiny) meals at other people's weddings. I have never once mentioned it to the hosts. Your relative is being ridiculous.