Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

For a wedding that i wasn’t paying for i would suck it up & not say anything.

if they restaurant is good then it shouldn’t be a problem. 2 of my kids are vegetarian and as a result i barely eat meat & sometimes the veggie options (usually just pasta) are shocking but we went to a recommended restaurant for a birthday meal (didn’t realise it was vegan) & it was actually fine even for my meat eating husband and son. The food was nice & we don’t drink alcohol much so that wasn’t an issue but i did miss coffee at the end of my meal & didn’t fancy a dessert but the main & starter were nice. I think it’s the vegan part most will have an issue as no cream
and cheese etc which can be part of nice veggie meals. However, it is your wedding and your choice as well as you footing the bill so if people can’t make the effort for one meal you should just say “thats a shame” and let it go. I would be prepared to waste money as some people will come but maybe pick at the food (especially if they aren’t keen on it being vegan to start with) & others genuinely might not enjoy it. People might not be happy about lack of drinks as well but as long as you enjoy the meal thats what matters.

Not to that extent. I wouldn't expect an ideological vegan to serve meat and dairy at their wedding any more than I would expect pork at a kosher or muslim wedding. Also, where does 'guests should be catered to' end? For example, I didn't have children at my wedding, even though I knew that would mean that some people couldn't come, or chose not to. Some of those people thought that my wedding was about them, but it wasn't.

But we have guests at weddings and guests should be catered for.

You are never going to please everyone.
Someone is always going to grumble and not be happy.
My best friend spent a bloody fortune on the wedding meals and people complained about daft shit. The thing was they were serious.
A starting point should be what do the bride and groom want.

People truly are pathetic. Stick to what you want OP.

They're casting judgement on the couple's choice. You don't do that when invited to a wedding, whatever your opinions on the chosen food/location/timing/anything else. If you don't think that's rude <<shrug>>
They're also being rude and ungrateful because the OP is (or hopefully WAS!) paying for a hotel room for them.

....thanks for the update, sorry you can't make it ....

If the wedding guests had moral objections to eating any foods derived from plants, or knew that the only food offered was going to be things they couldn’t tolerate, you would have a point. But presumably they don’t, so you haven’t.

They are being catered for. They are being provided a meal, drinks and a hotel. They don't have a moral objection, a religious objection or a allergy. They have a preference to eat meat which they can do on any other day or even on the day off the wedding before or after the festivities. They can manage to eat vegan for one meal or even not eat. It's one meal. It's drama for the sake of drama.

Absolutely don’t cave to their self absorbed demands

What demands? They haven't demanded anything. They haven't said anything to the op. The only reason she knows anything about it is because a third person took it upon themselves to get involved.

A restaurant that ONLY cooks meat? As in, somewhere that doesn't cook chips, other potatoes, vegetables or salad on the side? Are there restaurants like this??

I've been to steakhouses for events and I've eaten chips and salad if there is no veggie main. I've never been to a carnivore restaurant and I think that would be an odd choice for a wedding. I think if I were invited to a wedding with a meal at a restaurant that only had meat and no sides at all I would probably go to the wedding and just decline the meal bit politely, but that's never happened. If I were invited to a wedding at a steakhouse with no vegan or veggie mains I would just eat sides, chips and salad all the way.

OK, sure, right you are

The OP is meant to be paying for these people's hotel.

I'm an omnivore and would happily go along with the couple's choice of meal at any wedding. I've been to weddings of people from all kinds of backgrounds and yes, sometimes they have served food that I wouldn't necessarily have chosen and sometimes I've not been very keen on it all. But I'd never dream of complaining or expecting the couple to change their plans. My only issue with a vegan restaurant would be that if it was a whole family invitation I'd be a bit worried as one of my sons is allergic to nuts and some seeds and legumes which might make it tricky. But if it was just a case of preference I'd suck it up and expect the rest of my family to do so too.
I'm not very keen on Indian food but I didn't expect my Indian friend who invited me to his wedding recently to swap the reception to a British restaurant to suit me. It's one meal for heaven's sake. Veganism is not just a food preference, it's a belief system and all the vegans I know feel very strongly about it. Just because I don't share those beliefs doesn't mean I shouldn't respect them. I wouldn't expect a vegan or vegetarian to serve me meat any more than I'd show up at a Hindu wedding and complain that there is no beef on the menu. I think any guest who isn't willing to tolerate unfamiliar food for one day is probably no great loss to be honest.

I am not vegan but I really wouldn't have a problem with a vegan bride having a vegan reception. What do they think will happen?

I would crack on without them, saying 'Sorry we won't be seeing you on our big day'.

I could just have plain potato and some broccoli I suppose that’s vegan but I wouldn’t say that was a meal.
What an odd thing to say.

I know but she is not paying for the hotel of every single guest.

I have been to a family veggie wedding (not vegan in our case), and the food was lovely. A few family members did moan, but didn’t go as far as to turn down the invitation! The family meal the night before was veggie too, but they did have meat at breakfast. A lot of people are quite funny about vegan food - their loss! It’s only one meal.

People who love and care about you won't worry what food is being served, they'll just be glad to attend the event and celebrate with you. If some people were only coming for a free meal, you're better off saving the money you would have spent on them.

I touched a nerve with you, and it's true. It is being fussy.

Not every single guest is throwing their toys out because there's no meat or dairy on the menu.

Because they are the only vegetables I like 😂 sad but true

Do you never have a meal without meat? For health and or budgetary reasons? How odd these days.

👏👏👏👏

Weren't me! I was quoting someone else.

Being vegan is childish 😆 you're absurd