Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

I mean I wasn’t the one to say I don’t like vegan food however I too don’t like vegan meals I like my meat too much but I could just have plain potato and some broccoli I suppose that’s vegan but I wouldn’t say that was a meal. However I wouldn’t pass judgement at the original posters choice of venue for her wedding xx

Ugh! I hate this. I’m a meat eater but there is absolutely no reason I can’t eat a vegan meal. They are being annoyingly difficult. Your wedding, your money, your choice. I’d be really annoyed that they were making this about them and wouldn’t accommodate them.

It’s still a choice- not a medical need- or an allergy or intolerance.
Many people follow FODMAP diet … I physically CAN’T eat certain veggies, nuts etc. regardless of how fucking yummy they are.
HTH

I would happily tell them ‘sorry you can’t make it and we’ll see you another time’. So strange that anyone would be that difficult about food on someone else’s wedding day. It feels like passive aggression. Is there a history of a bad relationship between you. Wishing you a marvellous wedding!

This basically. Sorry some people are being, frankly, silly about this but it’s their loss. Vegan food is delicious (I’m not vegan), but even if it wasn’t it’s the height of rudeness to comment when it’s someone’s wedding. I hope you have a fabulous day op.

I don’t know why so many posters are saying that the relative is being rude , they’ve done nothing other than say to someone else that they are considering not attending a wedding . That is not rude , whatever the reason nobody has to attend a wedding , it’s a choice .

Totally agree with your Partner. Chase the RSVP so you’re not paying for meals flr them if they’re not attending and if they’re not coming over this then just smile and say it’s a shame, we really wanted you to share our day with us and change the subject.

There’s nothing stopping them other than personal choice.
So they could.
They choose not to.
Some people cant tolerate certain veggies… FODMAP anyone?
So no… I can’t eat certain veggies/nuts for actual reasons. They make me ill.

Not sure if this has already been suggested but you mentioned you would like them at your wedding and they are your aunt & uncle.

I think being straightforward with them is better than not addressing it and ofcourse it’s your wedding and your choice so ……

why don’t you suggest taking them for a casual evening meal or lunch at your chosen restaurant some time soon & well in advance of the wedding? You could show them the menu and they could get comfortable with the food. It’s an olive branch and shows you understand they may actually be embarrassed about not being open to new flavours etc.

depending on where you are there are plenty of people in the uk who still live in a very “vanilla” restaurant world where a pizza 🍕place or Chinese restaurant is about as adventurous as they get.

if they are indeed important to you I’d try and make it easier for you all on the day. And they might appreciate the gesture.

That counts as an intolerance or allergy which I am sure the bride and groom would be happy to relate to the restaurant to ensure your needs can be catered tor

Honestly I wouldn’t even concern my self with it OP. People are honestly so baffling that they cant have one meal without meat involved. The worse meal I had at a wedding was back when I ate meat so just because you eat dead animals doesn’t mean the foods going to be any good 🙃 I would just let them miss the wedding, your getting married for you and your family anyway, not them.

Going against the flow here but I think if you invite guests, you cater to them. I have noticed there is a disparity because meat-eaters catering to vegans, but we never see it the other way around. It's all one way. And I know someone will pop on here and state 'but there's ethical reasons!' blah blah blah, no, not buying it. No one is forcing the couple to actually eat it. Just offer it for the guests. And it's not really a free meal, is it? Attending weddings (well at least in the UK, since most seem to need to hotel stays, where as in my country most people drive back that same night) costs a guest a fortune! Travelling, outfit (if you need to buy a new one), hotel, gift. Easily around a thousand pounds. It's incredibly expensive to be a guest at a UK wedding. And if the food is (in the guest's view) rather inedible, then it's a huge let down, especially if you are there for a whole entire day and haven't eaten all day til the meal. So I don't agree with people saying it's a 'free' meal (that 'free meal' sets a guest back around a thousand pounds!). After travelling and spending an entire day there, you should want your guests to be satisfied.

Great.
Steak, chips and blue cheese sauce thanks.

Right? So never eat a vegetable soup, or stir fry, or pea risotto, baled potato and beans, or tomatoes and mushrooms on toast? 'I don't like vegan food' is such a strange stand to make when all grown food is literally vegan until you add meat, fish, cheese or dairy to it! (I'm not vegan)

You shouldn't have anxiety. It is your wedding and your choice. Just as having a childfree wedding is. My wedding was childfree, some people didn't like that but I didn't alter to suit them. I say this as someone who probably would not wish to attend a wedding where there was nothing but vegan food. I would only do it if I was extremely close to the couple, as I really can't eat vegan food. However, I would never be so rude as to dictate to a wedding couple what they had to serve at their own wedding. It's the height of audacity and you shouldn't give these people another thought.

I agree, just say... I'm sorry you can't make it. We look forward to meeting up after the wedding.

Its your wedding and your choice.

@Paganpentacle would probably go to a Jewish wedding breakfast and say, "What, no mini pork pies?"

I don't think I have ever eaten an entirely vegan meal in my life. That isn't really the point, the point is that OP should have the wedding she desires.

But we have guests at weddings and guests should be catered for.

It’s really rather amusing how vegetables can cause so much hysteria.

Don't change your arrangements. People are invited and eat what's on offer unless there are severe allergy/intolerance issues. It's one meal. They can either accept graciously or not attend.

I was once given a ‘swede crumble’ as a vegetarian main course. Revolting.
Fair enough
Ds2 thought his lamb main course at a restaurant we went to in Todmorden last Friday was a awful and the worst meal he has had.
You get bad meals in every type of cuisine from time to time.
Thats life!

I have every right to dislike every single iteration of every possible vegan dish that’s ever been. Not the point and you know it.

But would still attend a vegan wedding meal out of respect.

I wouldn't bother saying it's a shame etc, just 'OK, thanks for letting me know.'

I do love a wedding thread. There's another one today where a guest will only attend if they're sat on the top table 🤣