Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

It’s not bad manners to refuse a wedding invitation as long as you do so in advance.

You shouldn't change anything! Your wedding day, your choices. Honestly, who mithers about the food at a wedding they're invited to! I went to a wedding where the food was vegan...it was an outdoors event with food under a big carnival tent. Main event was a massive and delicious vegan paella and there were tins of vegan salads, bean dishes, veg dishes, breads and vegan desserts. One of the groom's mum made a vegan wedding cake. It was a gorgeous day, topped off with amazing food. But then I'm not fussy and love a good food event, vegan or not!

Have your day how you want it and enjoy it.

It is rude to threaten not to go to a wedding because the good-quality food provided is not to your taste. It sends the message that the food is more important to you than the people getting married are.

Vegans are always also able to eat anything from the meat-eaters menu.
They just don’t want to.

Honestly I am baffled at how many people would have issue with a vegan meal at a wedding.

And those saying vegan meals taste of carboard, that's on where you are eating. As a PP said if in London try Mildred's, Bubala or Mallow.

Said as someone who is not a vegan, or vegetarian, and actually did a butchery course at Ginger Pig just over the road from Mallow a week after eating there.

By that logic, vegans would attend and happily eat steak then, I assume?

What sort of person would feel 'uncomfortable' about being in a vegan restaurant? Certainly to the extent of not coming to a family member's wedding?
People can be fucking nuts.
And SO rude, when the food and their hotel room is being paid for.

The moaning guests sound incredibly rude, don’t change your plans which sound lovely. Train these folk to behave better - they are choosing to live less / not celebrate you …LET THEM

You do know that’s not true.

or are you not very bright?

Why not? Unless there’s food intolerance- it’s a choice.

OP and her DH are paying for the food. Why do you think a couple who object to the meat industry for ethical reasons would spend their money, and a lot of money at that, on meat?!

Your wedding - your way!

being devils advocate they may be beige chicken nugget eaters who don’t touch vegetables at all but that’s their problem not yours. I’d struggle at a vegan meal due to numerous serious allergies to vegan staples (or else I’d be vegan myself) but I’d never refuse for that reason I’d just have something in my car to eat outside later on.

We went to a wedding where they served my strapping, adult sized 14 year old teenage son a child's meal, the age cut off was 12 so no idea why. We knew this before we went and we requested an adult meal, we even offered to pay for it. They still served a child's meal. honestly it was ridiculous. We stashed a load of food in the hotel room as we knew he would be ravenous.

Our thoughts were, it is one meal, one. No one is going to starve, he duly ate his teeny chicken nuggets and we never said a word to the bride, groom or anyone at the wedding. It did raise eyebrows on our table as my son was sat next to an 8 year old with the same meal.

We are committed meat eaters, I would try to eat whatever I could at someone's wedding vegan or not. It is a weird stance to take to say you would not eat vegan food because there is a lot of it about.

This is your wedding and your day, if they don't attend over a meal they are the ridiculous ones. Have a wonderful day.

Please don't change restaurants or apologise in any way shape or form. These people are nuggets and it's their small-minded loss.
Have an amazing day with amazing vegan food! 🍅🌽🍴

Your wedding your choice!

Whilst saying this I personally wouldn't be attending the meal because I'm allergic to all nuts and legumes (chickpeas, lentils, pulses, beans etc) so I literally wouldn't be able to eat anything and there would just be so much contamination. However I wouldn't be making drama out of it, I'd just politely decline and say why if asked but wouldn't expect you to change your wedding for me.

Are you actually claiming that choosing not to eat meat ever is equivalent to choosing not to eat a vegan meal on one occasion? It would only be equivalent if the meat eater in question only ever eats meat. How many people does that apply to?

It is bad manners to throw a tantrum because the menu is not of your liking

I can't think of many wedding invitations I got where the food was even mentioned. A few exceptions asked for food choice, and I thought that was weird, but normal wedding invitations don't.

Many reasons and you know that.

or as I previously wondered you are not very bright? Or more likely just deliberately arsey.

Same, all food (even parsnips for me) is good food, especially when it's paid for and I get to celebrate a special day with friends/family!

OP's relatives, I assume? I imagine they are fine with the building, but just anticipate a wedding feast to be a roast, or something similar.

Manners go both ways.

For all we know, the relative doesn't particularly like the OP so has a ready made excuse for bowing out.

OP- I think you are being entirely reasonable in choosing a restaurant that fits the preferences of the bride, groom and their DC. If it hadn't been clear that you'd chosen a vegan restaurant would the couple making a fuss have expected to be given advance notice of the menu before deciding whether to come? I'd guess not, since at most weddings guests just advise of dietary needs and then get a set meal. I would just tell the couple in question that you're sorry they don't feel able to come and then get on and enjoy your day.

I wish DH and I had stuck to our guns and had a vegetarian wedding (many years ago when there were fewer vegetarians). DH was not vegetarian at the time but suggested it so that for once I would have more choice particularly for the evening buffet wouldn't have to play the game of guessing what was suitable etc. My parents made a huge fuss about it and we relented and offered a meat option for the sit down dinner but kept the evening buffet all vegetarian (but didn't mention this to my parents). The buffet was demolished, no one asked where the meat/fish was and plenty of people commented on how nice the evening food was.
Clearly food allergies/intolerances are a different matter but I assume like any sensible person you will have asked your guests to tell you if they have any and will accommodate that.

I'm vegan, if my friends decided on a steakhouse for their reception venue I'd still attend, I wouldn't make a fuss, if there wasn't anything suitable for me to eat I'd either eat before hand or take something to snaffle in the car.
If it's not my wedding the menu isn't up to me.

Your wedding, your choice. Your guests can afford to be understanding for one meal. I’m not vegan, I dislike vegan food, but if my friend was vegan and was having her celebratory meal in a vegan restaurant, I would definitely go for her sake and put my preferences aside for that day.

Since anyone can eat vegan and they probably do sometimes without even realising it ( beans on toast ) thy are being really mean / bordering on stupid to refuse a wedding because they ain’t getting the meal they want

It's still about being fussy. If it's not medical, or religious at a push, it's just being a bit childish and fussy.