Vegan wedding causing issues

[WeddingProblem]

We are getting married in a few months. Registry office then a meal in a restaurant for 40 guests. I’m vegan. My partner and kids are happy to eat vegan for our wedding (they’re a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat eater) so we have booked a vegan restaurant.

A couple of relatives have told another relative that they’re not happy with the restaurant choice being vegan and might not come to our wedding because of it. The relative asked what the issue is, whether they had any allergies/intolerances, but no, it’s purely because they don’t want to eat a vegan meal.

We haven’t addressed it with them and I’m not sure how to. I’ll definitely wait for them to bring it up. I’m hoping they won’t, but if they do, how would you deal with it? My partner, relative that told me and friends all say to just say it’s a shame if you can’t come but we understand. One person thinks we should change restaurant 😬 but I don’t feel we should have to do that for our wedding and it’s just one meal.

What would you do? Of the people attending, roughly half are vegan or vegetarian and we’ve had lots of positive comments about the restaurant we’ve picked even from some of the meat eaters.

I am a meat eater, and couldn't care less if people are having an issue with me eating dead animals - I am not a savage, I don't eat live animals, dead ones are more ethical, and the meat taste better anyway

However, I would actually struggle to put meat in every dish at every meal of the day 😂 Who does that? I don't eat dairy or animal products in everything either. Some people really are stupid.

If a vegan meal is healthy food, brilliant. If it's full of "vegan replacement rubbish" , fake meat and other unhealthy food, I'd cringe inside but keep smiling, one meal wont' kill anyone.

Not the point, but: 180 guests You're popular

Some people are just scared of vegan food.

And, yes, I could choose a mainstream restaurant that serves nice options of meat , veggie and vegan . .....but I'm not going to because. .... its all about meeeeee'

to be fair it is her wedding - it is all about her (and her husband to be)

"That's a shame, Auntie Gwen. You'll be missed but let's get together another time."

I can’t keep up with replies but I’m still reading. I was expecting about 10 replies total as this is the vegan board. 😅

I can’t lie, some posts are giving me anxiety. We’ve been together a long time and just wanted a simple wedding with no drama. I didn’t think it could get much simpler than registry office and a meal for a relatively small number.

I couldn't be arsed, but if you were offering a buffet, with vegan options (but not labeled vegan!) as much as meat options, bet the vegan options would be eaten just as quickly if not quicker.

And again, I am a meat eater

Nope.
And if they don’t wish to come because they don’t like the menu I’d not be arsed about that either 🤷‍♀️

Your wedding, your choice. Tell them they can have some crisps!

If anyone is rude enough to broach it, just say "that's a shame, we will have to catch up another time".
100% this and im not vegan!

It's batshit isn't it. We'd better not tell them that McDonald's fries and Heinz ketchup are vegan.

The ‘would OP eat meat’ is a false equivalence because people who eat meat are generally not just carnivores, they are omnivores and eat fruit and vegetables too, so should have no problem eating a vegan meal. I imagine plenty eat at least vegetarian meals some of the time, breakfast for example.

There’s also not the idealogical/moral issue to eating fruits and vegetables like with meat; I’m not a vegetarian or a vegan, I enjoy eating meat, but I respect the choices people have made and understand those. Especially when it’s their own celebration! Why should someone who doesn’t agree with eating meat be forced to serve it at their own celebration?

No one (outside of some weird Insta people) is eating meat for every meal of the day every day of the week. It’s okay to eat a dinner that doesn’t include meat for one day of your life, honestly. You’ll be fine.

Sadly, the terminally offended will find something to be offended about. Just using the term "wedding" will send some posters on here in a rage 😂

You are doing nothing wrong in your choice of wedding, if someone don't want or can't attend, too bad. As long as it's not the groom or the bride who are declining, you are good

Meat eaters will be able everything on the vegan menu.

Righto!

Hopefully the vegans adopt this approach when confronted with a full on mixed grill …

It's your wedding and entirely your choice, and they are very rude.

Also as it's a restaurant, and presumably you've picked the place with care, the food will probably be very good (can be more of a mixed bag with caterers).

How very rude of them when you’re paying for the meal AND a hotel room! Absolutely don’t cave to their self absorbed demands. It’s your wedding, your choices. I’m a meat eater but have no issue in choosing vegan/vegetarian options when I eat out - it’s often nicer!

Don’t worry about a few nutters.

It's onr meal on one day - you don't need to change anything, they can either come or not. The only people who get a say in the food are the happy couple and I assume as you chose the restaurant they serve delicious vegan food and not swede crumble!

Honestly who goes to a wedding for the food, it's usually awful whatever the theme.

This. We're going to a christening next month. We're going to spend time with family. If we don't like the (vegetarian) food that's served, we will source more afterwards from elsewhere but I'm sure we will be absolutely fine. It's one meal... no one is going to starve.

Just remember that it is your wedding and you get to choose the food serve.

I am also vegan and had an entirely vegan wedding last year. The only grumbles we had were from parents about whether their children would eat the food as we were serving vegan indian food. There was plenty to choose from. The restaurant actually accommodated by making the kids chips 🤦🏼‍♀️ but otherwise I was prepared to accept that not everyone would be happy.

My husband and I were the only vegans but all our guests said the food was delicious. We've even returned with relatives since.

Anyone who refuses to attend because they can't eat meat or dairy for one day is someone who doesn't really care about you. Don't compromise on your principles because they won't sacrifice for one day!

I hope you have an amazing day! 💚🌱

Oh I sorry you can’t make it

its not exactly a big ask

you do you and enjoy YOUR (and dh) day, not theirs

Oh well less people to cater for. If people can’t go a day without animal products there is something seriously wrong going on for them I would think

I might be the only dissenter here, but I think you are being a bit inhospitable by picking a niche restaurant that you know is going to make some people uncomfortable. It would be far better to choose somewhere with a more general offering. Obviously if the restaurant is ridiculously convenient for the registry office and so you can forego cars, then that would be a reasonable choice.

At DS's wedding in the summer, out of 32 people, he was the only one that took the vegetarian dish (he is veggie). 31 people had the roast beef, and all but four of them were in their 20s or 30s. He's also tee-total, but provided plenty of prosecco and a bar tab.

I guess you can think about who the meal is for - you or your guests.

I agree it is churlish not to attend for this one reason.